Which is how Eddie has found him. Buck can only imagine the worry going through his boyfriend’s head when he’d come home to a quiet house and Buck not responding. And then to find him on the bathroom floor? He’d have to apologize. Later. When he didn’t feel like opening his mouth would result in him puking again.

• “He’ll definitely lean on [the 118] and open up to some of them, and maybe in a way that he feels a little bit nervous about at first because he’s not quite sure how some of his choices are going to be taken.”
• “He’s not going to rush into anything. Certainly, not in a conscious way […] If it [relationship] comes his way, I think he’s going to be open to things, but he’s not going to be out there pursuing anything.”
• “Rather than jumping into things and deciding very quickly what they need to look like or should look like and letting things just wash over him and letting life happens as it does, rather than putting too much expectation on anything.”
• “In his personal life, Buck’s just open to doing the things that make him happy, finding what it is that he wants to be and the things that make him feel good and being in pursuit of them in a way that carries no shame with it. […] And he will go after the things that make him feel good.”
• “I don’t think it’s a conscious “I know what I want, and I’m going to go and get it.” I think it’s more just I’m open to things, and I’m open to floating wherever the wind takes me. And if it feels good, great. And if it doesn’t, we throw that out and we try something else.I think he’s just in a very open phase of his life where he just wants to find the things that bring him joy.”
• “But him dropping those beliefs [on what he should be doing, and what his life should look life] and just opening himself up to the world, I think he’s going to find himself in a much better position.”
• “He’s just looking for his happiness , and he’s willing to put himself out there again and be open to feeling things. He just wants to be happy.”

• ”I think it’s almost a feeling of searching or uneasiness, not necessarily with Eddie, but within himself(…) and it’s easier sometimes to put that onto somebody else than have to do the self reflection and self interrogation of, ‘Hey, what am I actually feeling here?’”
• “Buck’ searching will manifest through his longstanding friendship with Eddie, but there’s much more under the surface.”
• “I think once you watch the episode, you actually realize it’s not necessarily that he just doesn’t quite understand what he’s feeling. And this jealousy with Eddie is the way that it manifests itself, but not necessarily the root cause of his unease.”
• “His struggle is one that is universally relatable: you don’t know what is ‘missing until you have light shined on it.’”
• “And I think that’s kind of the story that we’re able to start to tell here, is that Buck isn’t consciously aware of the thing that he’s looking for or what’s lacking in his life. And as he hopefully starts to discover that it’s this cathartic, liberating feeling of just being to ease into it and breathe out this big sigh of relief at last.”
• Oliver on if there would be a romance: “‘I like to think it (would be) somebody that can challenge him.’ For buck to struggle and bumble for a bit before winning over his next love interest.”

And really, the shit eating smirk that graces Buck’s too pink lips should have been Eddie’s warning. But he’s so used to his best friend’s antics that he’s become immune to them. Or, well he thought he had. “Yes, Daddy.”

And he feels so stupid, because he was fine. Really. He was. At least, he thought he was. Except now he’s not so sure. Now he feels like he’s drowning in his own thoughts.