dolorous, but predatory.

Thank you so much—you’re the sweetest pea, anon <3 I even feel like I’m thriving, most days. My baby is the best thing that could possibly have happened to me; I look at him a lot, just amazed that he came from me, and I don’t think that feeling will ever fade.

I miss all of you and I do miss writing! The desire is there, just not the time so much, right now. If we ever interacted, or you’ve sent a message or ask over the past few years, I still think of you and hope things are good for you ❤️

if life has taught me anything it’s that everything in the universe is an endless unfolding that’s pointless to fight, and that’s just fine by me nowadays. thanks, anon—i actually wish they’d release origins again, my ps3 bit the dust years ago and it’d be nice to revisit again…

Hey anon! I’m not working on anything right now and honestly can’t see myself writing fanfic again any time soon, if ever. My life is very full right now; I’m working full-time and going to school and we have my boyfriend’s kids a lot. When I do actually have free time nowadays, I prefer to be doing things with the kids or making jewelry or just watching trailer park boys in bed tbh.

I think I posted about this some other time, but it’s weird for me to look back at my writing sometimes because 2014-2018 was really such a bad time for me; those were some of the darkest years of my life, and having some distance from them now I can actually say that. It’s not like I regret anything I wrote, but I was pretty unhealthy at the time mentally and physically, so I sometimes have complicated feelings about revisiting my work from then. And the fire just isn’t there for me anymore; again, I have other things I’d rather be focusing my energy towards, and I didn’t have that four years ago. Four years ago I was very ready to die, honestly.

I’ll always have a lot of love for r/s and all the f/f I still love, and some days I do miss it, but it’s not like it’s going anywhere if I want to pick it up again someday. I might! But for the moment, I’m good.

I mean I smoke weed literally every day and do dabs so my feelings are maybe biased here, but that said, there’s more to consider than just “weed never killed anybody” or whatever when you’re talking about marijuana in the context of drug and/or alcohol addiction. I’ve known people over the years who relapsed on their drug of choice after smoking weed, and the fact of it is the culture surrounding marijuana use is much different than alcohol because weed has been illegal for so long. Buying weed from a dealer is going to put you in proximity to harder drugs, and if you’re already going through some stuff or having a rough patch, then it’s that much easier to just buy a quarter gram of meth and spiral from there. But I do also want to stress that weed itself is not what made them relapse—I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone who decided to go eat some meth after smoking a joint. There’s a lot of other stuff going on when that happens, and the thought of using again is almost always in your head long before you act on it.

It’s also not some end-all be-all cure-all and it’s definitely not for everyone. CBD is great if it works for you, but if you’re expecting some kind of miracle you’ll probably be disappointed. I’ve tripped out bad on harder drugs but never as horribly as the first time I tried a sativa strain—like anything else, the high you get depends a lot on your frame of mind at the time. If you’re extremely anxious and hoping a blunt will help you calm down, it may actually have the opposite effect, especially if you don’t/rarely smoke. Again, it depends on many many things, and some people have unpleasant issues with the high no matter what (e.g. dizziness or paranoia) that might not actually be helpful for those things—or for just having a good time in general.