You know when you're in your heavy days, and you're laying down and shift positions or get up and it feels like this?
Yeah... I went from my back to my side, and felt that. Then I felt wetness on my ass. I reached down, brushed my hand across my pants, and it came back with blood. I thought to myself "wow, I haven't bled this much since Mat was born."
And then I remembered one very important detail.
I fucking HEMORRHAGED when Mat was born. I bled so much that they were prepping an OR and a gynocologyst was elbow deep in my vag desperately trying to clean out all the blood and fist sized clots to save me.
I never ran to the bathroom so fast in my life.
And now, even after getting all cleaned up and knowing I'm not hemorrhaging, I still feel like I'm going to throw up. My heart is still racing. The panic attack took hold and now I can't shake it. I literally have to take an ativan because of my period.
Fuck periods. Fuck having a uterus.
You know what? Right this second in time? Fuck even being a woman.