you weren’t a “well behaved” child you had anxiety and were terrified of conflict

finally locked in my plans for post-covid

therapy -> a better job -> move into my own place -> become a pirate like a real pirate with a boat -> die at sea

saying “sorry im out of it today” as if im not like this all the time is my fav lie

This is the definition of Chaotic Evil.

Things I Need:

1. An orgasm 2. Attention 3. $50,000

what do people in their twentys do except go to the grocery store……….

sometimes we lie in bed paralyzed by the knowledge that life is neither meaningful nor enjoyable

and then we go get snacks

JESUS?? 

JESUS????

i had no idea they were so frickin huge

I love them so much because they’re about as sharp as a baseball and their anatomy is ridiculous to the point of them literally being classified as plankton for years because they just sort of get blown around by the ocean and look confused, but because they lay more eggs than ANY OTHER VERTEBRATE IN EXISTENCE, evolution can’t stop them

Why is no big predator coming and gnawing on them?

Their biggest defense is that they’re massive and have super tough skin, but they do get hunted by sharks or sea lions sometimes and they just sort of float there like ‘oh bother’ as it happens

Even funnier, because they eat nothing but jellyfish they’re really low in nutritional value anyway, so they basically survive by being not worth eating because they’re like a big floating rice cracker wrapped in leather.

So basically the only reason natural selection hasn’t taken care if them is because they are the most useless fish

yes, they’ve perfected uselessness to the point of being unstoppable

a true inspiration

I find the ocean generally terrifying, but I think I love this fish.

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck.  Not bad luck.  I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

“See him face”

I sure fucking do see him face

Him face

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021

Him face

it’s 2am and i’m in hysterics over this tiktok

5 am for me and i dont know whats worse

Me, at fictional characters: THIS WOULDN’T BE A PROBLEM IF YOU JUST TALKED ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS

Me, in real life: if i give even the vaguest notion of my feelings to anybody i would die

see also 

me at fictional characters: This miscommunication is RIDICULOUS, those two clearly had like, 10 different moments where they could have talked about it but they didn’t, now this situation is unrealistically overwhelming 

me in real life, with anyone: I shouldn’t mention that, right? No need to be precise about that, right? Yeah that should be fine

Why do I keep getting attacked on this forbidden garbage website

This is the only valid guy

I havent watched this Show, how is this man not gay

do actors get boners while making sex scenes this is one of the things i’ve wondered my whole life

Idk if you actually care for the answer, but they have to put their dicks in little sleeves that attach to the leg so if they get a boner it just get held down.

that sounds like a garment that should be sold everywhere and considered polite if not mandatory to wear, like bras

Omg I can’t

As a guy I second this.

If I have to wear a titty sling because there might be an event where it becomes chilly and my nip noops become visible through my shirt, people who have a peenor should be expected to wear a peenor sling in case there is an event where a gentle breeze occurs and their peenor becomes erect.

I kind of feel like if we’re gonna do that we should go all-out and they should be IMPOSSIBLE to size, VERY expensive, flimsy, and made of uncomfortable, itchy materials.

And the little ones should have cute designs but the big ones only come in white,black, and tan

and there should be a company that sells them called Victor’s Secret, that has uncomfortably large, close-up photos of enormously-endowed male “angels” stuffed into their gorgeous little pouches spread all over every mall and TV channel, which changes societal expectations on penis size as a whole, so that men who don’t have incredibly large penises feel impossibly inadequate and feel compelled to make up for it by spending a fortune on overpriced penis pouches as a way of compensating.

Then Victor’s Secret should be sure not to actually carry any of these garments in the sizes that they advertise, so that only modestly-endowed men have the privilege of being seen in the shop, which is the type of place that simultaneously clamors for huge dicks, but refuses to cater to them in any way, leaving everyone involved vaguely uncomfortable and slightly ashamed.

This is legit one of the best posts I’ve ever found on tumblr.

They also must come with a terrible underwire that sometimes breaks or stabs them from time to time.

This is great.

There should also be a very old, kind of worn out one that gets worn on laundry day.

and the sizes need to have some random symbols/letters for no fuckin reason at all. 7 inch dick? cool your size is 4Z deal with it.

This is where Tumblr excels.

the editing

Avatar Korra

it's the bisexuality

Good night everyone