Felinyan’s. Do not touch.🗡️

tattoo artist x coffee shop owner

So, a softer au that I thought up bc I remembered a prompt

Tattoo Artist x Flower/Coffee Shop Owner

Definitely Yuezhi

5.

How come, it’s been months already? 

I counted the seconds; they aimlessly wandered around, and then, having nothing else to do, gathered into minutes. It took more courage for minutes to gather in hours, but they did anyway. Hours slowly built up the days, and every seven days made it into a week. 

I know, how time works. I’m just not sure, it works for me. 

It’s not a straight line, I think. It’s more like a quagmire, and I’m drowning.

I looked at myself in the mirror again this morning, as I do every day. I look closely, I check, I perceive. Hey, you’d be proud of me, you know? Little by little, I merge my usual “I” with your vision of me. Because this is the best way to remember you - to live by your last words.

I’d like to tell you, how YOU changed me. 

3.

I’d like some certainty, you know? 

To come to terms.

But I keep thinking “If only..” I keep asking “What if..?”  So many of those. Like there are other paths, and it all could’ve work out differently. They throw me back days ago, then months ago, then years. All my life, since the day I met you. I keep searching for the answer, for the exact point, the moment, when I could’ve say something, do something. And you’d still be here.

“If”s are draining me. They are the lump in my throat, big and barbed. Sometimes is grows so big, it blocks the air from getting into my lungs. And in times like these, I wonder, maybe I should just stop breathing at all? Still easier, than to accept your absence.

What if. What if. What if.

And you’d still be here. 

Here.

4.

Prayers never got me any good. Except of those, that were for you. 

But you can’t hear me now. You can’t hear at all. 

I know, it’s no use, I know it’s not possible, I know… I know. But I keep doing this, I keep asking. Not for a solace, not because of compassion.

For fairness. Because.

You took yourself away from me. It’s not fair, it’s so not fair. How could you do this to me? It’s not fair, can you hear me? 

It’s not fair! It’s not…

Come back to me.

Bring him back to me.

I don’t know if it is a prayer, I just repeat it over and over. Maybe I’m hoping these words will lose their meaning, if I’ll bounce them against every wall? Every wall of every empty room. I wander around them at night. You stood here, you smiled there, we had an argument, sitting in these chairs. And here, here you touched my shoulder. 

Come back to me.

Please, come back to me. 

@evanbuckleyweek >>> day one: favorite scene:

⫸  “ you wanna know why I am really in therapy? It’s because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment”

#cas has 0 chill when it comes to dean

//reverse uno card// mafia au where Chen Yuzhi is the heir apparent to his family’s ‘business’ he went away to Japan to get his education (and to become a doctor because his father and him had a deal) but comes back when his father falls ill He’s greeted at the airport by Jiang Yuelou, the police chief who’s vowed to take down the Chen family (and all the mafia families in fact to stop the criminal activity in Jing City) no matter the cost, no matter if Chen Yuzhi saved his life when they were younger once, no matter that he’s gentle and unlike any other mob bosses he’s ever met. Jiang Yuelou’s got a job to do. Meanwhile Chen Yuzhi doesn’t want the position, but he feels indebted to his father and mother, he’s their son after all, but still, he’s left in a dilemma and in a bind.  But with the Zhan rival family pointing their gun to take their shot when the Chen’s are the most weakest, does Chen Yuzhi really have a choice? maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t- maybe Jiang Yuelou gives him and his sister a way out….. but who ever said it could be that easy? this is blood in and blood out after all 

“I will never leave him. It will be this, always, for as long as he will let me. If I had had words to speak such a thing, I would have. But there were none that seemed big enough for it, to hold that swelling truth. As if he had heard me, he reached for my hand. I did not need to look; his fingers were etched into my memory, slender and petal-veined, strong and quick and never wrong. “Patroclus,” he said. He was always better with words than I.”

― Madeline Miller, ‘The Song of Achilles’

This is your good soldier. 

⋙ for SPNPRIDEWEEK | day three: acceptance

Zhan Junbai when he learned that Zhao Jingming is now accused of being San Ye

zhan junbai in the prison to see zhao jingming

"I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world."

Killer and Healer as Word Art Memes

Chen Yuzhi

Jiang Yuelou

Chu Ran

Chen Keying

Zhan Junbai

Yu Tangchun

Chu Min

Zhao Jingming

Song Rong

Sun Yongren

Jiang Yuelou: I'm a murderer, a butcher, and everything I touch di-

Chen Yuzhi: Ah-ah! [spritzes him with water]

Jiang Yuelou:

Chen Yuzhi:

Jiang Yuelou: What the actual fuck Yuzhi

Chen Yuzhi: I'm trying a new tactic to help curb your negative self-talk.

Jiang Yuelou: It's too late for m--

Chen Yuzhi: Ah-ah! [spritzes him with water again]

Chen Yuzhi to Jiang Yuelou every time he gets a negative thought or says something negative about himself: