It's 11pm and I accidentally knocked my silver goblet to the floor
you dumb asshole, you just won $0,000
😍fuck
First aid training is actually very serious and I get what this bullet point is saying about hypothermia but this legit fucking took me out:
When I’ve been hangry for a few hours and there’s still no food:
John Register (American, 1939-1996), Orange Store Front, 1980. Oil on canvas, 50 x 38 in.
babygirl Im balding over you
Glue it back on
one of my favorite photos of mine
Just witnessed this rat extract two pretzel nuggets from this bag with extreme precision mere seconds before the subway came by, Mission Impossible style. Life is such a beautiful thing.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣵⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢾⣻⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⡀⠀ ⠀⠸⣽⣻⠃⣿⡿⠋⣉⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⡟⠉⡉⢻⣿⡌⣿⣳⡥⠀ ⠀⢜⣳⡟⢸⣿⣷⣄⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⣠⣼⣿⣇⢸⢧⢣⠀ ⠀⠨⢳⠇⣸⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⡟⢆⠀ ⠀⠀⠈⠀⣾⣿⣿⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⠐⠈⠀⠀ ⠀⢀⣀⣼⣷⣭⣛⣯⡝⠿⢿⣛⣋⣤⣤⣀⣉⣛⣻⡿⢟⣵⣟⣯⣶⣿⣄⡀⠀ ⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣾⣶⣶⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣧ ⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⡿
my blog is a safe space for me. the rest of you are in danger i think
love ignoring things ‘have you seen this terrible show’ no im the ignorer ‘can you believe what that company tweeted yesterday’ i am the ignorer
im just fucking with you my liege
☞ THUS
hey. im one of the people who does a specific and noticable thing right after you wake up so you realize youre in a timeloop. yeah im the guy who drops a bucket of paint off a ladder haha. yeah its a thankless job but i get paid per loop so like. dont learn your lesson too quick haha
Bewildering experience at work today when someone walked up and wished me happy birthday.
1. It is not my birthday
2. It is Daniels birthday, which was posted hours ago in slack
3. Daniel does not even work in my department
4. I've never even met Daniel. Clearly this woman has never met Daniel either if she doesn't know where he works or what he looks like. Does Daniel even exist
I think I'll be the first mortal victim of imposter syndrome
every dad reaches a point where they text you to say that a celebrity has passed away with no context