0 to horny real quick

i find it so incredibly interesting that you sent in this ask because i was actually going to rant about this lmao. i’m sure people are probably tired of hearing my commentary regarding the show, just because i usually have a lot to say (and, well, to be honest with you, i haven’t seen anything beyond season 1 in an extremely long time so my memory is hazy) and i pretty much don’t really know what i’m talking about, but. cracks knuckles, here we go. this is probably going to be everywhere, but bear with me.

i don’t think dean, in that moment, was prepared for her to die.

allow me to rephrase that sentence: i don’t think he expected her to die right then and there. season 5 dean has already had a pretty good taste of really awful reality, so he’s at least beginning to understand that bad shit happens and people are most likely going to die, inevitably, because of their really icky situations. dean was put on trial by osiris in season 7 because of the guilt he had over things that happened in previous seasons, jo being called as a witness to his guilt. osiris tried to say that dean felt guilt over jo because it should have been his responsibility to get her to leave the life of hunting, and this point was subsequently argued because it wasn’t dean’s responsibility to bring her home. not only that, but she was likely to fall into the life of hunting anyway, because of her father. however, truth be told, dean holds a lot of guilt over jo, most likely because he feels as though he truly was responsible for the death of jo and everything that followed.

please refer to this conversation he has with sam after sam finds out he was possessed by an angel. i’ve touched on this a few times, partially because it really does make me super sad, but dean does what he does because he thinks he’s saving lives, as he himself reiterated with this conversation he had with sam. if he protests against someone joining him and sam on a hunt, if he gets frustrated with someone expressing reckless behavior that potentially puts them in danger in any capacity, this is because he can’t afford to let them walk into a situation where they are probably not going to make it out alive. otherwise, he blames himself (very severely, i might add) and he keeps shouldering all the secondhand guilt he receives from the consequences of circumstances that are out of his control the minute he makes his decisions. he thinks that, because his decisions are the catalysts for bad things happening to good people, he is responsible for the destruction of many.

that being said, dean has a heavy heart when it comes to jo harvelle, and to be completely and 100% honest with you, he never fully recovered from her death. for christ’s sake, she literally makes an appearance two years later because he’s still feeling guilt over her passing. i think that it was partially because he was in love with her and he couldn’t deal with the fact that she wasn’t around anymore, and, well – people you love, especially to that extent, are really hard to let go once you have them. osiris didn’t pick jo as a witness for shits and giggles.

if you’ve seen the two interact in season 2 onward, their relationship wasn’t just another ‘sibling bond’ and i’ll fight anyone who tells me otherwise. i hate that the potential was stripped from us because of her death; i honestly believe that, if jo had lived, dean could have fallen for her completely and unconditionally. in this moment where jo is dying from the wounds inflicted by the hellhounds, dean kissed her because it dawned on him that this particular moment would be the only time where he could show jo the gravity of his feelings for her without wasting his time, or putting other people’s lives in danger, by sitting down and explaining it to her verbally.

this isn’t the face of a man only overcome by his grief in the passing of a friend. this is the face of a broken man who has to let go of someone he was beginning to love without fear of consequence.

as i said, dean was not ready for her to die in that moment. not only is he completely shocked and was probably panicking, but to make sure that he and sam make it out of there alive, he basically had to force himself to swallow the reality that he essentially just watched the girl he was falling for die right in front of him; a girl, he believes, who didn’t deserve to die. a girl, he thinks, who would have stayed alive if it weren’t for him.

him kissing her? that was him letting her go, that was him placing the weight of her sacrifice on his shoulders, and she got the message – all of it – loud and clear.

OH FRICK. this is my favourite kind of pain, hun. I think Jo would have a bit more to say on her death bed, I mean, it’s her death bed, and despite the very worst of the world, she’s surrounded by most of the people she cares about in the world, and she may be willing to lay there and sacrifice her life, which is over now anyway, but I think she’d have a little more to say. 

( let’s not talk about how her last real words are “ mom , no. “ because that ruins me 100% of the time )

I DON’T THINK JO APOLOGISES. I thought about this for a while, but I don’t think jo would feel right saying she’s sorry  ——-   she’s sorry her mom is dying with her. and she’s sorry she was reckless. but an all encompassing sorry would seem too much like she regretted her decision to hunt : and even then, she doesn’t. what she does say, if anything more than what she does in canon, is I LOVE YOU.   they never said that enough.

in canon we see very little of jo and sam’s one on one interactions ( not including the Meg!Sam scene which is a whole other thing ) but I like to think the two were closer than the show put on.   dean wouldn’t have been the only winchester brother jo cared about. not for a second.  honestly, she’d probably give him the    ‘ be careful out there ‘   speech.  the   ‘ you’re important too ‘  bit.  she’d touch his cheek. she’d tell him to fight.

BOY OH BOY.  so in canon , obviously , her last words to dean are  ‘ make it later ‘.  and I’ll admit I don’t  hate that. it’s something that she hopes makes him smile , even just a little , but also says  ‘ DONT BE AN IDIOT. ‘   but i think after that , and before the kiss   ( DAMN THAT KISS IM SO EMO ABOUT IT ALWAYS )   she pulls him back like , hey.  there’s more .   we gotta talk about this while I’m still kicking.   ——-   but neither dean nor jo are big emotional talkers.  bottle that shit up !!  is basically their motto.  but jo makes an exception.  this is the man she loves.  and she’s about to die.  and she really , truly , doesn’t want to see him anytime soon.  she gives him a modified , more serious version of the ‘ be safe ‘ speech.  it’s the  ‘ you’re not carryin’ this alone ‘ and ‘ people love you ‘  she doesn’t say that she loves him specifically.  but it’s implied.   she tells him not to give up.   to not compromise , even for a second, on what he wants and believes in.   she knows her death is going to hit him , maybe not all at once , and maybe not right away , but in some small way , she knows she means SOMETHING to him , and that he’s gonna carry this around for a while.   you know what she says ?  ‘ THIS ISN’T ON YOU. ‘