In which Astarion goes too far
Warnings: fighting and angst
Tav hadn't ever had a real relationship. It had made things even more difficult for they and Astarion to form one. But the two of them were working through it, slowly but surely. A big problem was Tav didn't know how to ask for what they want from Astarion, not that he was much better about that. However, Astarion was good at reading them. Like now, when it was written all over their face that they were jealous.
Astarion was going to have fun with this. Halsin was the culprit of it all, the sexy brute. Astarion had been terrified when the druid had propositioned his lover, but the knowledge that Tav wanted him and only him had truly emboldened Astarion. He was back to his annoying and flirty self now that he knew where he and Tav's loyalties lied. None of their other exceptionally horny companions would come in the way of that. That didn't mean Astarion couldn't tease and taunt them with it, like dangling a carrot in front of a starving horse. All good honest fun.
Except now his teasing touches and flirty eyes towards Halsin was being seen by Tav. Tav who looked ready to bite off the man's head. If looks could kill as they say.
Astarion leaned in a little too close to hear whatever the Hells Halsin was saying, and Tav's entire demeanor shifted. They looked liked a kicked puppy seconds away from tears. That made Astarion jerk back from Halsin. This wasn't supposed to genuinely upset them. Astarion was just hoping for a little bit of possessiveness and rough making out in their tent.
He left Halsin mid-sentence, who at first felt slighted but understood when he saw Astarion was going to his lover. He wished them the best despite his own desires for them both.
Tav had turned away and was about to isolate themself in their tent when a cold but familiar hand wrapped around their wrist. They sighed, not particularly wanting to see Astarion after seeing that he didn't seem fully satisfied with their relationship status.
The two had only explicitly said that Tav wouldn't sleep with anyone else, they had assumed that extended to Astarion as well but that now seemed foolishly naive.
Astarion felt internal panic as Tav shifted away from him. Had he pushed them too far?
"Darling, I-" he began purposefully putting more honey into his words than normal, but cut himself off when he saw just how truly distressed they were once they faced him fully.
Tav was trying to put on a brave face, but despair was in their eyes.
"I did not mean to hurt you, I was just having fun," Astarion dropped all pretense of performance from his voice. That was getting easier and easier to do with Tav.
Tav shrugged off his almost-apology, not wanting to be a burden.
"You are free to discover your sexuality however you choose, gods know you deserve it. I just wish you would tell me whenever you find comfort in others, I-," Tav hesitated, worried they were asking too much of him.
But Astarion cut them off, "Find comfort in others? You think I genuinely wanted to sleep with Halsin?"
Astarion says that sentence a bit too loud, his offense overriding his desire to keep his relationship more private.
Tav shrugged again and mumbled, "It sure looked like it back there."
At this, Astarion scoffed making Tav's blood boil. He couldn't take their relationship seriously for five minutes. They were just trying to have a real and honest conversation with him and he was mocking them.
Tav yanked their hand out of his wrist, "Fine, do what you want with whoever you do actually want. At least do me the curtesy of telling me before doing it right in front of my face."
Astarion reared back at the venom in their voice. He knew this was his own doing, but the worst part of him wanted to fight back. He'd never been able to fight back before.
So he threw his hands up and yelled, "Well darling, don't be surprised then when I make my way through our plethora of eligible companions. You're not the only one in high demand."
His insecurity about everyone wanting Tav came in at the end and he regretted showing that weakness in the moment.
Tears started to truly fall down Tav's cheeks at his words and he immediately wanted to take everything back. But they didn't give him the chance, they just turned away and retreated to their tent. It is in this moment that Astarion realized everyone was looking at them. None of these assholes had any sense of privacy or minding their own fucking business. With nothing else to do that would save his dignity, he simply sneered at them and stalked off into the woods. He hadn't put his tent up in the assumption he would spend the night in his lover's tent but he'd gone and royally fucked that up.
Astarion was no stranger to screwing up a romantic interaction but this one was the worst. Sure, there was no vampiric master to punish him when he went home empty handed, but he had hurt someone he loved. The first someone he ever truly loved. Hells, he half-heartedly thought, I'd rather take a night of torture than this guilt.
His heart is hurting and this pain isn't something he has ever felt before. He'd gotten attached to certain marks and felt the weight of their deaths on his conscience. But this, this was different. Tav wasn't going to meet a gruesome death, but he'd broken their heart entirely of his own volition. He was no longer a puppet and with this new autonomy he just lashes out at the one person who'd cared for him. He was as bad as Cazador always said he was.
A rustling behind him alerts Astarion that he is no longer alone in the clearing he'd found to sulk in. Of course it is Tav coming to check on him. They were always thinking of him and his wellbeing. And he went and threw that love away.
"Star, please come to bed. It's not safe out here," their voice was soft and pleading.
"You want me to come to your tent after that fight?" He scoffed, self-loathing coating his tongue.
Tav approached him slowly as if he were a wounded animal. Anger reared up in his chest as he felt pitied, but then he saw their eyes. They were just as kind and loving as always. There was hurt, yes, but the love hadn't left. They still cared about him.
"How can you love me?" The words came out coarse and desperate as he bit back a sob.
That made Tav stop, and his body screamed for them to come closer.
They tilted their head and looked him up and down before saying, "I just do."
He laughed, light and fleeting, "You just do? Well, I suppose that is really all that matters then darling. Come here please."
He held out his hand to Tav, which they gladly took and allowed themself to be pulled into his embrace. Astarion melted into the kiss, his arms completely engulfing his love. His love. He ought to tell them he loved them.
"I love you as well. I am sorry for my outburst. The way I spoke to you," he paused, shame overtaking him, "it was deplorable and wrong. I don't want anyone else in my bed but you. Ever."
Tav sighed and released a mountain of tension from their shoulders. They became putty in his arms.
"I know, I'm sorry for being childish and petty rather than just expressing that I want us both to be exclusively each other's," their voice was muffled as they snuggled into his neck.
Astarion sighed back, happily, "I want that too."
