becoming an adult cheat sheet!

man i’m so horny i need to (tries to think of something funny to say and then remembers that i’m trying to stop hiding truth behind irony and that there is a simple beauty in sincerity that the hot girls on my social media feeds are romanticizing) jerk off

i cannot think of a single video on the entire platform i would rather watch less.

de una forma una mini pimer es como una cinturonga …

krampus is such a bullshit concept the idea that santa, a prison abolitionist and restorative justice advocate, requires some kind of satan/henry kissinger figure is utterly laughable. and dont fucking bring up the grinch okay hes obviously a biblical Paul or sun wu kong figure, someone who achieves spiritual enlightenment

when i heard the news about henry kissinger i was like damn i should have been Kissing Her but our relationship died before i could keep it 💯 call me if you get the chance

Underrated threesome dynamic: fox, hen, and a sack of grain 🥴

Take the hen across first,

Return for the fox, take the hen with you.

Leave the hen, but take the grain.

Go back for the hen.

That wouldn't work

It would hen goes to the other side first, leave it there.

Return to the other side for the fox take it across.

Take the hen with you as you go back for the grain.

Leave the hen on that side, but take the grain and leave it with the fox.

Return back for the hen take it across again.

The fox would eat the grain.

cc: @petermorwood

Anthony Bourdain said something like this about choosing cookware:

"A proper pan should cause serious head injuries if applied to someone’s skull. If you have any doubts about whether head or pan will dent first, that pan is too light."

Literally THE MOMENT I saw this video I thought of that quote.

Back like one hundred years ago cave women woild have to kill shit with their teeth. And their pussy out. They were also like twenty feet tall and psychic.

Yeah you're right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.

this behavior is so embarrassing to see in the modern age. its like a dying animal…..

waters so amazing because you can drink it really sloppy style and like spill it all over yourself and it doesnt even leave a stain. you dont even have to wash it out/ . because its already washed