〘 Thorin Oakenshield 〙
It’s Over!
A/N: Haven’t been on this account for a while! I think it’s time I get back into writing, and what better way than to start off writing with Thorin Oakenshield! Thank you so much for 700 followers!
Warnings: Angst, Thorin through his dragon sickness.
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“Am I not the King?” Thorin yelled, his voice echoing through the newly reclaimed Erebor. A lump formed in my throat as I looked down at the pavement; smooth and cold under my feet.
I had just woken up and I’m already being yelled at. I had had enough of this! My hands balled into fists as I fought back the tears threatening to spill. Balin stepped forwards then, and I had almost forgotten he was beside me to begin with. He placed a comforting hand in my shoulder and I look at him with teary eyes and smile weakly.
All this began with me asking him if he could come to bed tonight, seeming he hadn’t come to bed at all the past few nights. His chambers were luxurious but it was cold and too big for one person. Being a human, we always preferred to be outside rather than being cooped up in a mountain. I didn’t mind though, as long as I was welcome to stay at Erebor, that’s where I would stay.
A sigh fell from my lips as I gave up trying to fight with Thorin, he wasn’t budging and something about being surrounded by all this gold was making him sick in the head.
“It doesn’t matter, if he doesn’t want to spend time with me I might as well go back home.” I spoke to Balin, wanting Thorin to hear and be scared by the fact I was thinking about going home. I really didn’t want to go home, but if that’s what it took for Thorin to come to his senses than so be it.
What Thorin said next made my heart sink into my stomach. “Go then, go back home because I don’t ever want to see you again! Our courtship is over!”
“Thorin!” Balin exclaimed loudly, his hand slipping from my shoulder as he took the steps up to Thorin sitting on his throne. “Don’t say that about Y/N, she’s been nothing but supportive and helpful to us, to you! She helped us reclaim Erebor and without her we wouldn’t have been able to do such a thing.”
My gaze met Thorin’s, his once loving blue eyes had turned dark and unrecognisable. I wanted to believe the old him was in there somewhere but I couldn’t find it.
I tried my best not to cry, I really did, but a single tear fell down my cheek as I managed to keep my eyes on him. “Fine,” My voice shaky as the realisation came down on me - Thorin didn’t want to court me any longer. “I’m going back home then, and trust me Thorin, you won’t ever see me again.”
I spun on my heels, Balin calling out to me but I simply kept walking. My feet made a quick left where I almost smacked into someone, a gasp falling from my lips. I look up and see the whole Company standing there, Dwalin standing first.
They all had this look on their face, they were upset… upset that their once future queen was now leaving them. Tears filled my eyes again, this time I had no strength to hold them back and Bofur realised this and bought me into a hug, rubbing my back gently.
“I’m sorry, I-I can’t do this anymore… not with who he has become… I can’t.” I whispered the last part as all my strength and energy had simply vanished. “I really hope you guys have the best time here, I really do. I really want you guys to be at peace, but my peace isn’t here… not anymore.”
“To hell with him,” Dwalin spoke then. “You can be at peace without him, he clearly doesn’t want ya but that don’t mean you can’t stay here.” He had this fury in his eyes, more so than ever before.
I was stuck, I wanted to be here, I did, but I knew deep down it would kill me to live with Thorin and not be with him.
“I-I… I can’t, I’m sorry…” It hurt me.
Dwalin took a moment before he nodded his head. “I understand ya. We just… we’ve just grown to love ya like our queen.” He head hung, clearly sad but not wanting to show it.
I didn’t hesitate to hug him, he seemed stiff but he soon relaxed into the hug. “I’ll miss you and your grumpiness.” I laughed, trying to make everyone a bit happier. “I truly thought you wanted to kill me when we first met, but I now know you really want to kill everyone, not just me.”
He laughed at that, as did some others, but some did not. Fili and Kili both had a somber look to them. “We’ll miss you Auntie,” Kili said, bringing me into a hug.
I wanted to tell him I wasn’t his ‘Auntie’ any longer, but I didn’t want to make him feel bad so I smile at him and kissed his forehead. That’s when I heard a shout from Thorin who was still talking with Balin.
“Right,” I said then, trying my best not to feel sad anymore. “My bag is in Thorin’s room, I’m going to grab that and go while he is here.” I didn’t want to see him right now. I mean, I wanted to, but not like the way he is now.
I looked at the Company once more, tears coming to my eyes again, but I turned so none of them could see me and began to walk.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Someone snarled, grabbing my arm and yanking me to their body harshly. I winced, and out of instinct, I pushed them away. Hair fell in my face as I stumbled back into Bofur.
Thorin glared down at me, going to grab me again but I moved away. “No Thorin, you wanted me gone and that’s what I’m doing… going! You and your stupid gold filled mountain is yours and when you finally come to your senses, I hope you are filled with so much regret and guilt possible! You are changed Thorin!” I laughed then, tears streamed down my face. “You know I’m glad you said you didn’t want to court me anymore because I don’t love you! Not anymore!”
It was a lie, I loved him and I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him.
“You can have your stupid coat back, you can have your stupid bead back too!” I grabbed the bead securing the courting braid in my hair and threw it at Thorin. It bounced off his chest and to the floor where it rolled and stopped somewhere off the side. “Goodbye Thorin.” I grumbled and turned on my feet and ran off towards his chambers.
The heavy and luxurious dress Thorin insisted I wore the night before fluttered behind me as I ran. I felt like I was suffocating in it, I wanted to tear it off.
When I got to his chambers I quickly packed my things, not wanting to see him again, making sure to leave the fur coat he had given me to keep warm on his bed.
The silence was deafening as I packed, tears sliding down my cheeks. I don’t know how I would get back home, perhaps I would ask the people of Laketown to let me use a boat in exchange for some gold. With all the gold in this mountain, I would take some for myself; it’s what I deserved after all.
Loud boots filled the atmosphere then and they gradually got louder. My eyes widened as I realised the familiar sound of Thorin nearing. I panicked and grabbed my belongings and hid behind the cabinet to not be seen, wondering what he would do when he was alone with me… I didn’t want to know the hurt I would go through.
“Y/N!” I held my breath as Thorin entered the room and I could see him staring at something… the coat on the bed. “Where are you?” He sounded distant, like he was talking to himself.
He sat on the bed, grabbing the coat and bringing it to his face, like he was smelling it. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
As he bought the coat down and I saw tears in his eyes. “Fuck, what have I done?” I wanted to come out, but I decided to stay hidden for a little while to see what he would do. The coat was thrown to the floor, and his hand covered his face and a broken sob came from his throat.
My feet moved beneath me against my will and they moved over to where Thorin was sitting at the edge of the bed. Tears filled my eyes as my hand reached up to move a piece of hair away from his face. He jumped, grabbing my arm and looking up at me.
“Y-Y/N?” He asked, his blue eyes red and puffy. “I-I’m so sorry.” He voice broke as he nuzzled the side of his face into my warm palm.
He sobbed then and kissed the inside of my wrist while his other arm snaked around my waist and bought me close to his body. “Thorin…” I started.
“Forgive me, please forgive me.” He cried, “I didn’t mean… anything. I didn’t-“
“Thorin shut up for a minute.” He stopped, looking at me with teary eyes and his bottom lip quivered slightly. “You have been the biggest asshole to me, and for what? Gold? The throne? The stupid Arkenstone?”
“No, you’re not getting forgiven Thorin. You didn’t realise the damage you’ve done to me, to our relationship.” I could feel his fingers playing at the string holding my dress together. “Thorin, you hurt me.” I mumbled as I wiped away fresh tears.
“Amrâlimê, I will do anything to make it up to you.” He whispered, both his hands running up and down my sides. I didn’t trust me voice and just nodded as he bought me closer and wrapped his arms around me.
I nuzzled into his neck and sighed, relaxing against his warm skin. I pulled away then, grabbing the sides of his face, noticing the crown still on his head. I frowned and grabbed it, taking it off his head and throwing it across the room. I smile warmly as I saw the same loving glint of Thorin’s eyes looking at me, grabbing the sides of his face again and leaning in for a kiss.
He smiled into the kiss, his hands placed firmly on my hips. “Don’t do this again, it’s your last warning.” I spoke against his lips.
“I won’t amrâlimê, I promise.” He said, not opening his eyes still, forehead against mine. “I will make you Queen under the mountain and treat you with such grace.”
You shifted in his embrace, “so…?”
“You don’t regret courting me?” I whispered.
Thorin pulled away from me slightly, “not ever.”
