I'll be your left hand

Mucha inspired Eowyn illustration

crying because an elf prince, dwarf lord and a fucking king of men dropped everything and ran over 100 miles with barely any rest, to rescue a couple of halflings (who were worth nothing outside the shire, and functionally little more than a burden) because they were their friends.

screaming and throwing up because the golden boy of gondor, the steward's eldest son and his pride and joy; noble heir of the house of húrin, sacrificed his life for those self-same halflings

Eclipse of the Sun in Venice in July 8, 1842 by Ippolito Caffi.

Clouds over sunset in Lazise on July 13, 2017 by me Only 175 years, 5 days and 124 km apart

how is it that all of lucretia’s one liners in moonlighting always the funniest fucking shit 

by far the best part of grocery shopping is the little babies. i was carefully selecting mushrooms when i felt upon me a piercing gaze and looked up to see a very chubby and very red-cheeked baby staring intently at me from a grocery cart with a slightly furrowed brow, hand clutching an apple for dear life. i wiggled a mushroom at her and she gasped and kept staring. i turned back to the mushrooms and heard a shriek. i turned around and the baby stared in anticipation. i wiggled another mushroom and she shrieked again in delight. she looked down at the apple in her hand, considering it for a moment. fair-minded as she was, she decided it would only be right to wiggle produce at me in return, and she held up the apple and shook it with all her might. i think i could live forever now

That's because this is Silmarillion

hello character who is desperate to be a good person; i want to play a game. in front of you is the one person you will never be able to save. you have the rest of your life to make peace with this. there are no defined repercussions if you fail, but we both know you're going to attempt to win regardless. your time starts now

don't worry about the fact it's just you and a mirror in the room.

I was gonna say “what you think he had insurance???” but 1) at least in the early aughts to mid-teens, NY was one of the less excruciating states to get medicaid in, and 2) he was a minor and it’s a LOT easier to get medicaid for a minor, especially when said minor’s legal guardians are retirees on fixed incomes I’d wager.

So yeah they’re all just fuckin dumbasses! I love them.

This is why I think it would be peak comedy for the radioactive spider to be of a non-venomous species and for there to be a scene of a new Peter Parker/Spiderperson looking up the spider’s features or posting a photo to an identification subbredit before being informed of the fact that nothing will happen

entemologist reddit: oh yeah, that one’s venom isn’t strong enough to cause anything other than a bit of localized pain at the bite site, no worries.

Peter Parker the next morning, stuck to his ceiling: Well someone fucking LIED!!!!

Peter Parker typing out an angry internet rant to send back to the entomologist about “this is fucking bullshit I feel like ass I walked into six walls and I’m sweating fucking GLUE”

People keep asking him for updates and he does two more before deciding to become a superhero and deleting his reddit account

Six weeks later someone else posts about how “so that one spider bite guy. The one who kept. Sticking to walls. And this, uh. New hero guy. Climbing walls. Spiderman. Connected?”

if not friend why friend shape

Okay, obviously, DO NOT DO THIS, it is MASSIVELY unsafe for the animal and for you.

HOWEVER I am reblogging this because it is EXTRAORDINARILY satisfying to watch Immense Murder Floof get the head scritchies of all time right on her big ol' noggin.

Ok, context gleaned from the notes:

That's her pet lynx that they raised from a kitten and was rescued from a fur farm, where she was already too acclimated to humans to be released into the wild. This doesn't necessarily qualify them in any way to care for a large cat, but at least it's not just some random wild cat they captured and kept

Feeding the hungry beast (aka a grebe chick gets a little fish for lunch).

NEW VERSION. :)

To be an otter swimming in a river

spock you did shrooms like at least once

girl I would kill myself if I did that lol

reading harry potter actively makes you less literate

j why did you censor the name of the scottish play

I think doing that is way funnier than saying the Scottish play, and I’m not going to risk actually saying the name and having something bad happen

i just realized despite me making fun of you for saying m*cbeth, i refused to say it myself. i am fucked up

even I, the op, flinched while writing it in the notes 😔

do y’all only post from inside a theatre?

All the world's a stage, catgirlforeskin.

we've been living in this apartment for two months now, and while we've observed most of our new neighbours (my slavic Windowsill Watcher Grandmother gene already activated), I don't think they had the chance to see us often enough to recognise us yet.

I do know, however, from my observations, that the tiny funny dog upstairs is called Gucio. I've passed him once or twice during his walk and heard his owners use the name - and, while both the dog and his owners are oblivious to our existence, Gucio became an apt topic of discussion in our house. you know, we hear barking, ha, that's Gucio, he must be home alone again! or there's a stick left by the building door, that must have been brought by Gucio and he was forced to abandon it before entering! a household name, really.

yesterday as I was leaving to go to the store, walking down the narrow staircase, there he is! tiny funny looking dog, slightly startled by me suddenly appearing on the floor he just reached on his tiny funny looking legs.

"good morning Gucio!" I say joyfully, the most natural thing in the world.

well. remember that Gucio doesn't really know me. so he looks at me in the most flabbergasted way a dog can look at a person. he is positively aghast. agog! not sure how aware dogs are of their own names but he seemed genuinely puzzled at the apparent stretch of social convention.

and as I try to contain my laughter, I see his owner standing on the stairs below. the woman is sort of awkwardly frozen, speechless, and she looks at me.

"you... know each other?" she asks.

is that not the funniest way to phrase it. is this not the funniest question she could have asked. ma'am do you know my dog? you went to school together perhaps? you've met? do tell, are you old friends? maybe you worked together? you know each other, my dog and you? this dog? you know him? he knows you? he never mentioned you I'm afraid

Can't let British people have air conditioning because first they'd call it something twee like "the climate fixer" and then in 20 years they'll call it "the climb" or "the climmy"

French kids would call it "le climot", frustrating language officials who would prefer they call it "machine pour le contrôle du climat froide à l'interieure de l'édifice"