𝓑𝓪𝓻𝓮𝓯𝓸𝓸𝓽 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓦𝓲𝓵𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓦𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓻, 𝓒𝓪𝓽𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝔂 𝓓𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓱
Relationship: ex!Carol Danvers x female!reader
Summary: Christmas never felt so blue.
Warnings: grown up words, ANGST! angst angst angst
A/N: I’m still in my feelings, guys. This is super short but I still feel like it ripped my heart out a lil bit. I feel like this was the same couple I wrote in this ask, so I’m just apologizing off the bat for the misery in here.
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Your house doesn’t feel like home anymore.
You lit the candles Carol bought you, you hung her stocking on the mantle, but still you feel so cold. The space under the tree for her gifts is empty since you couldn’t bring yourself to wrap them. They are all still in the chest in the attic where you always hide them and you think they will have to stay there for a while. Maybe someday you will send them to her. She already took everything else with her when she left. You just want to hold on to something of hers a little longer. You wanted to make her happy and you still don’t know why you couldn’t.
Next month you think, you hope you can pack everything up. All of the ornaments you picked out together. All of the memories you made and your plans for the future. The songs that Yelena played for you when you sat in front of the fire while she told you why she loved each one. Since she loved them you loved them too. You could have listened to her tell you about every tiny thing she loved for hours, and now you’ll never get to hear her voice again.
The gingerbread you baked together tastes like nothing. You cannot eat anything, it all tastes like grief. You stare at the plate as you sit in what was you chair, holding the blanket that still smells like her and ignoring the pain of hunger in the pit of your stomach.
Your anguish is overwhelming but still you want her again. You can’t bring myself to plead or beg, but if she showed up at your door and said it was all a mistake you would welcome her. You were willing to work on it then and you’re willing to work on it now. You just want to hear her voice. You want her to talk to you instead of shutting you out. You know you made mistakes but if she loved you the two of you could have fought through it. Why wasn’t she willing to fight for you? Were you not worth it?
She said you should have known that it was coming. Two days before your heart broke you and Carol were smiling and laughing, making tinsel crowns and taking Polaroids together, but you should have known. Maybe you did, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
Everything is hers. Pretending otherwise is futile. She touched everything in this house so you can’t even bear to look at it anymore. The tree and the lights and the decorations you put up make your vision go blurry. So you gaze out the window at the falling snow and let your thoughts go as silent as the white world outside while ignoring your own miserable company. The new year could come and go, and still you would sit in your chair, alone and empty. There was nothing to celebrate without her.
