My side blog is @imiss-theoldme and I use that one mainly. If you want to talk to me, especially about 9-1-1 and Kinkley/Buddie or literally anything else feel free to send me an ask or dm!!!

What do I do with all this love that I cannot place on anyone anymore. Because he is not mine and he didn't love me and the months I spent meant nothing to him. And she was never going to be mine either way. Where do I place it all, how do i place it all back inside, how do I feed it back to myself? What do I do with all this effort spent, what do i do with this heart? What do I do with myself now, how will I avoid asking myself the question that haunts me at night? Is t better to be numb or feel everything all at once?

No one taught me where to place this anger. I think it was once in my gallbladder so they had to remove it. Once an astrologist said my appendix would be next if I can't place it. And I never understood how everyone else did it? How they put it to sleep so effortlessly while it's buzzing under my skin. And I never learned where to store it, still.

You don't even know what you did, yet it's slowly burning me from inside. And I can't stop thinking how ironic it all is

How can I explain that songs started making sense when I met you? And some colors became brighter. And now I am unable to go to some places without seeing you. And you are not mine. You were never mine but how could I deal if you find someone else? And you are trying

And then I looked at your city and the life you have and for the first time I let myself imagine how easy it would be to include myself in it, slowly and then completely

I want to give you my time and every single truth that I've been storing inside. I want to touch you in the gentlest way and hold you. And in return I just want you to hold on to me. I am not even asking for your gentleness. I'm just asking you to stay.

And a few days before your 22nd birthday, you will learn that love comes to you and it will keep coming to you. You don't need to change, or chase. And then you will learn, that you were always surrounded by it anyway

My friend called the other day. We cried together on the floor, the same way we cried on my floor a few months ago. And we crumbled, but this time without the arms of each other to hold us up. And she had no one, and I had no one. It should've been comforting to share the loneliness, like a curse, a burden that would somehow get lighter. Except now when I am laying in my bed wishing someone to come around and keep me company, I whisper the same prayer for her too

I just scraped my knee for the first time in years and I am watching it, hoping it'll scab, maybe even scar. Maybe it'll remind me of my days as a little girl running around without the fear of falling, facing the world with my scraped knees, like I did once

You called me loyal and all I could think was "I am not a dog."

I'm not a dog

I'm not a dog

I'm not a dog

I am not a dog

I am not a dog

But then, why do I keep coming back to you like I am

This year will be full of laughter and love. And I will be kinder to myself and the others. This year I will look at the universe with an open eye, and be ready to receive all it has to offer. And this year will be kind to me. I cannot wait for all of the things I will experience.

Maybe you weren’t a terrible person or a monster. Maybe you were just seventeen, and sixteen and fifteen, and fourteen. But I was young too once. And I did everything to keep you with me. Maybe you were just young, but so was I. I spent all my girlhood sitting next to you, forgiving your cruelty in the name of an unspoken what if… and it never happened.