nobody puts baby in the corner // fall out boy

Remember that movie in which Jack Black was a teacher and building a rock band and when a little black chubby girl asked to be a singer he only said “sure! let me hear you” and the moment she started using her beautiful voice his lit up like all of his dreams came true, PLUS the same little girl was scared that people would make fun of her because she was fat and he started listing awesome singers with some weight on and included himself and told her that people wouldn’t laugh because she is awesome at what she does and that is all that matters PLUS that it’s ok to enjoy food?

Also, when a little boy asked to be the band’s stylist he just said “sure, go ahead fancy pants” like, there wasn’t a single second of questioning it, he went into “ok, that will be your position then” right away

That fucking movie is an hour and a half of Jack Black teaching kids to love themselves disregarding all of the stereotypes

And don’t forget the Asian guy said he shouldn’t be in the band because he thought he wasn’t “cool enough”. Jack Black didn’t miss a beat by making up a secret handshake between he and the kid.and telling him he’s amazing at what he does playing the piano. After that the Asian kid even stood up for himself against a bully.

And he put the violent kid with anger issues on drums and let him constructively work out his aggression.

School of Rock is fab basically

im incredibly conflicted by the phrase ‘the question is not who will let me but who will stop me’ because on one hand its so fucking raw and powerful but on the other hand it’s derived from ayn rand but on yet another hand the first and primary time ive ever seen it was on a picture of a lawnmower flying through the sky which is the perfect level of absurd and nonsensical that would piss ayn rand off

reblog to piss off ayn rands ghost

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS STUFF

I BOUGHT IT

MONTHS AGO

TRIED IT ONCE

I THOUGHT IT WAS HORRIBLE

IT WAS STICKY AND CEMENTED MY LIPS TOGETHER

IT GOT ON EVERYTHING 

IT DIDN’T SUPER-STAY

I THREW IT INTO MY DRAWER WITHOUT ANOTHER THOUGHT

AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN

HOPE IN MY HEART, PEACE IN MY SOUL, I DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN

I READ THE DIRECTIONS

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I SAW THE LIGHT

I COULD SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN WAS GONE

TURNS OUT

YOU HAVE TO PUT THE RED STUFF ON FIRST

WAIT FOR IT TO DRY

COMPLETELY (I MISSED THIS STEP BEFORE)

IT SHOULD BE SO DRY AND IF YOU KISS THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, NO MARK SHOULD SHOW

AND THEN I PUT THE BALM ON (I ORIGINALLY TRIED PUTTING THE BALM ON FIRST…. DON’T DO THAT.)

AND IT GOT RID OF ALL THE STICKINESS

AND THE RED DOESN’T EVEN GET ALL UP IN THE WHITE BALM

IT WAS A MIRACLE 

THIS STUFF IS THE FUCKING BEST

IT STAYS ON FOR A REALLY LONG TIME

IT DOESN’T GET ON ANYTHING

AMAZING I WANT TO BUY THIS IN FORTY SHADES OKAY I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO TRY IT

NO BUT DO KEEP IN MIND THAT IT REALLY DOES STAY ON FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME

AS IN, LONG ENOUGH TO FORCE YOU TO SCRUB IT OFF AT THE END OF THE DAY

THIS STUFF ISN’T FOR THE WEAK, THIS IS FOR THE POWERFUL BADASSES WHO WASH THE BLOOD OF THEIR ENEMIES OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES AT THE END OF THE DAY LIKE ITS NOTHING

I USE THIS SHIT

AND NO

IT IS NOT FOR THE WEAK.

IT WILL SURVIVE YOUR THREE TO FIVE MEALS.

IT WILL SURVIVE YOUR DATE

IT WILL SURVIVE YOUR MARTINI AND EVERY BEER YOU DRINK.

IT EVEN SURVIVES BLOW JOBS.

IT WON’T STAY ON A GLASS SO YOU CAN GO ASSASSINATE SOMEBODY AND DRINK THEIR WINE. GO CATWOMAN. JUST DO IT.

BUT THIS SHIT IS NOT FOR THE WEAK

IF YOU CANT GET IT OFF TRY A LITTLE BIT OF TOOTHPASTE, IT CAN BE USED FOR A LOT MORE THINGS THEN JUST TEETH

IF THE TOOTHPASTE DOESN’T WORK, TRY USING BABY OIL. SERIOUSLY, I LOVE THIS STUFF.

I’ve never seen such passion for lipstick

This stuff is an absolute beast but you don’t need to scrub it off, just use some olive oil or an oil-based makeup remover. It’ll just melt away.

I have a very vivid memory of sitting in a first grade classroom (first grade was my first actual classroom because my mom homeschooled me for kindergarten) thinking “I am literally going to die, I can’t live one more minute without reading a story, but I’ve already gotten my book confiscated for peeking at it during class and I have no backup book and I’m going to die” and then thinking in a burst of divine inspiration “WHAT IF I TELL MYSELF A STORY INSIDE MY HEAD.  THEY CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME.  PHYSICALLY THEY CANNOT.”

they could not

I DIDN’T LEARN ABOUT THIS IN DRIVING SCHOOL

Stop says the red light, go says the green

Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between. 

KNEEL, SAYS THE DEMON LIGHT WITH ITS EYE OF COAL  SAURON KNOWS YOUR LICENSE PLATE  AND STARES INTO YOUR SOUL

THIS IS ALWAYS FUNNY

I’ve only seen this legendary post in screenshots

Happiness Will Come To You.

when tho

When You Least Expect It. Probably Late March

reblog for happiness to come for you in late march!

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

Reblog if you cried 👌😭💯

Dear Charlie,

As a child, I swore to myself I’d never let a cigarette touch my lips.

Funny how we all grow up.

-e.m

jants? i haven’t heard that name in years

not to be gay but i can’t believe it’s not Danny Devito

it’s always sunny in philadelphia au by @askthejerseygang:

Man, Frank says the craziest of things..