Insert cool & creative titel here

Water makes her go brrrrr

Look at my dog having the time of her life

A couple job interview hacks from someone who has to give a job interview every single goddamn day: (disclaimer: this goes for my process and my company’s process, other companies and industries might be different)

1. There are a few things I check and a few questions I ask literally just to figure out if you can play the game and get along with others in a professional setting. Part of the job I interview for is talking to people, and we work in teams. So if you can’t “play the game” a tiny bit, it’s not going to work. Playing the game includes:

- Why do you want to work here? (just prove that you googled the company, tell me like 1 thing about us, I just want to know that you did SOME kind of preparation for this interview)

- Are you wearing professional clothing? I don’t need a suit just don’t show up in a ratty t-shirt and sweatpants.

- Are you able to speak respectfully and without dropping f-bombs all the time? Not because I’m offended but because I don’t want to be reported to HR if you wind up on my team.

- Can you follow simple directions in an interview?

2. Stop telling me protected information. I don’t want to know about what drugs or medications you’re on, I don’t want to know about you being sick, I don’t want to know if you’re planning to have children soon, I don’t want to know anything about your personal life other than “can you do the job?” 

3. When we ask, “What questions do you have for me?” here are my favorites I’ve heard: - What does the day-to-day look like for a member of your team?

- If one of your team members was not performing up to his usual standard, what steps would you take to correct that?

- What can I start doing now to accelerate my learning process in this job?

- What are some reservations you have about me as a candidate? (be ready for this emotionally….it will REALLY help you in the future, and I’ve had people save themselves from a No after this, but can be hard to hear)

- In your opinion, what skills and qualities does the ideal candidate for this job possess?

- What advice would you give to a new hire in this position/someone who wanted to break into this industry, as someone who has worked here for a while?

Those are just my tips off-the-cuff. I work in sales in marketing/SAAS, so these can be very different depending on the industry, but I wish the people I interview could read this before they show up. 

Yes STOP TELLING PEOPLE PROTECTED INFORMATION IN INTERVIEWS. do not volunteer anything including “I’m currently pregnant.”

Bittern at the grocery store

DO NOT PET Iron-On Patch // CoywolfCollections

Gale of Waterdeep

as someone who got 2 concussions this year and inhaled toxic substances at the workplace i can confidently inform you all that all characters in the star wars prequels are absolved of stupidity. they're all dumb as a box of rocks but its not their fault that no one made them wear helmets in wartime. the introduction of SPOSHA (space OSHA) would reduce incidences of darth vader creation by at least one i just know it

"anakin shouldn't have done that" he was huffing space gasoline at age 7 literally what did you expect. "obi-wan shouldn't have done that" he literally goes through a window face first in episode 2. "padme shouldn't have done that" she's had a career since she was 10

OVER 20? i thought that shit was at 14 god's honest truth. which is bad enough but WORSE? holy shit. you could fucking fly a jet plane through the holes in his brain, legend has it if you get a brain scan on that man the scarring on his frontal lobe spells out 'HELP.' fucking 20+? that live fast die young ass motherfucker. born with a job, broke both legs by 6, death NASCAR career by 9, logged his first kill at 11, married at 19, 20+ workplace electrocutions by 22. installs his first authoritarian government by 22. overachieving but in all the wrong fields only. i mean 20+? that man hasn't walked in a straight line in years. holy fuck man. 20+? yeeeeeeeeeeesh. holy shit. fuck

i've crunched the numbers and analyzed the situations man and i tell you i ran this in the most favorable of conditions. assuming this boy turned 19 literally 5 minutes before AOTC picks up and Space Years can be substituted by our years, and by '20+' we mean 21, this dude gets electrocuted every 7.4 weeks. dude...... like bro. like man.

HEY SO IT WASN'T FAVORABLE CONDITIONS APPARENTLY IT WAS FUCKING 30 TIMES FOR A RATE OF 1 ELECTROCUTION EVERY 5 WEEKS HAHAHAHAHAHA

Hey I just want to point out that if he got married at 19 and Luke and Leia were in their early to mid 20s then the dude dying on the walkway up to his ship at the end of Return of the Jedi is literally my age.

He's like... at most 45-47 years old.

THIS. THIS IS WHAT HIS BODY LOOKS LIKE AT HIS MID-40s, next to a picture of Hayden Christensen at 43. What the FUCK.

i’m not the first to make this crossover, but it’s too good to resist <3

bonus farcille:

augh

Got bored and animated all the (current) super icons

I don't really go in the lost media and lostwave communities but I'm reading about how they found today a song they've been searching for years (Everyone Knows That aka. EKT) and turns out it originated from an 80s porno. The whole deal is so funny help.

Link to the Reddit thread

, ' ,| ,'_' (if you want to copy it)

game that starts out as a cozy little farming sim and gradually expands into full-blown factory farming where you're raising livestock in narrow stalls by the millions and have enough economic sway to influence environmental policy-making that may slow your profits

"buddy that's just cookie clicker again" and when the songbird sings do you make fun of it too?

at the euthanasia party everyone gets a sip of the forbidden lean

Yeah, same

Thank you, /r/ProgrammerHumor, I love you endlessly.

Redditors competing to make the worst volume sliders possible...