Tabula Rasa

I’m watching The Sword in the Stone for the first time in decades and I’ve gotten to the part where Merlin is trying to get Arthur to lose his virginity to a squirrel.

Y’know, if Merlin turned that squirrel into a human it would save Camelot a significant amount of problems down the road.

“Squirrels mate for life Arthur, so the chances of her fucking your best friend and inadvertently causing a schism that leads to the downfall of an entire utopian kingdom are completely nil!”

Ok hopefully this is the last time I add onto this but Arthur marrying the squirrel would stop both of the events that destroyed Camelot - namely the aforementioned falling out with Lancelot AND the birth of Mordred.  Being with him since youth, Squirrel would keep Arthur from being seduced by his half-sister Morgause (or Morgan Le Fay in the versions of the myth that cut Morgause out) when he was young and foolish, as he’d already be in a committed relationship and thus wouldn’t be able to be tricked into starting one with said half-sister.  No incest means no Mordred.  Then, as mentioned above, Squirrel would be a faithful wife, which means Guenevere would be single, which means Lancelot and Guenevere could pork each other without causing a huge row that ends with Lancelot killing dozens of his fellow knights of the round and inspiring several others to turn against Arthur out of loyalty to him.

Camelot would have been saved if Arthur just. Fucked. That. Squirrel.

You say all that but all I hear is “here is how Merlin trying to convince Arthur to become a furry could have saved the world”

Look this was a journey for me ok?

It started as “I can’t believe Disney made a movie where Merlin tries to get a squirrel to take Arthur’s virginity” and slowly became “I can’t believe Disney’s weird bestiality subplot actually solves the two biggest problems that cause Camelot’s downfall.”

Because as baffling as the squirrel fucking plotline is just on its own, the fact that it’d actually be solution to the eventual problems Arthur faces - whether anyone at Disney was actually thinking about that or not (and I’m guessing not) - is even more so.  It is bizarre and unsettling to me that squirrel fucking could have saved Camelot, and that’s, uh, the point of this I guess.

So, pointless fun fact. Around 2008, someone on 4chan actually made a ‘humanized’ version of the squirrel called ‘Hazel’ (i.e. one who had been changed to a human to be with Arthur). For a little while, there were a number of artists making pieces about her, and stories written suggesting alternate histories.

I know it’s a minor point, but I still love the notion that people are still finding ways to rewrite the story so Arthur can f*@# the squirrel.

Whole gallery of pics here, because some of this artwork gets downright amazing…

I REMEMBER THESE!!!!

Fascinating

@tyrantisterror  your legacy endures

To an ever widening group of people, I am “that guy who ranted about Arthur fucking a squirrel.”

Of all my legacies, this is certainly one of them.

I think I’ve posted about this before buuuuuuut fuck it? This makes me deliriously happy and sad. The resolution of Arthur becoming human and having to try to explain himself to a sobbing squirrel is one of my strongest childhood memories about having to deal with heartbreak and I’m literally fucking tearing up right now GOD DAMN YOU TYRANTIS.

This completely leaves out the reality of cheating. Like, Arthur still could’ve been capable of sleeping with his half-sister and fathering Mordred. Also, he still could’ve gone after Guenevere even if she was married to Lancelot, which still could’ve caused a huge kerfuffle among the knights of the round table.

But yeah, that poor squirrel cooing her tears in the tree will haunt me until the end of my days.

Please don’t take the Arthur Squirrel Fucking post seriously.

Wait lancelot is already married. She dies of heartbreak because he fucked off to Camelot for too long leaving his son galahad an orphan. Oh yes, in some versions he fathered galahad. So even if Arthur avoids the adultery line, the sins of lancelot persist.

Please don’t take the Arthur Squirrel Fucking post seriously.

This post will forever be a part of you legacy.

“Please don’t take the Arthur Squirrel Fucking post seriously”

When you’re on to something, you’re on to something, dude

Just gotta say that in Le Morte d’Arthur he does in fact sleep with Morgause after he is married to Guinivere. In fact, he sleeps with Morgause exactly one page after he marries Guinivere. Sooo… Sorry squirel girl.

Unless we are arguing here that disney Arthur is a totally different characterization than Malory’s Arthur

MALLORY IS NOT A SOURCE

@theshitpostcalligrapher - any chance of ‘Please don’t take the Arthur Squirrel Fucking post seriously’ making it onto your list?

Hello? Is this God? Yes hi, I’d like for you to turn back time to Age of Ultron and make it so that the Superior Maximoff™️ doesn’t die and his hoe ass sister does, thank you.

The Addams Family renting out rooms in their huge mansion cheaply to broke college students.

The students digging it because the craziness and the bugs are pretty much the same as any other dorm house. Also, Morticia and Gomez treat them all like visiting cousins, not like tenants to abuse and exploit. 

One of the tenants is a creative writing major and Gomez and Morticia house them up in the tower because of the quiet and the inspiring view

They’re supposed to be working on a typical coming-of-age story but after living with the Addams for just a week the project is becoming a horror-Gothic-romance

They go to their room after classes one day and find Thing correcting the grammar errors in the manuscript with a red pen 

and yeah, the students pay roughly market value for their rooms, but that doesn’t stop gomez from shouting “capital idea!” and handing them wads of cash when they tell him about their weekend plans or what they’re researching, so they basically end up living there for free

In the same vein, half the them have to turn into exceptional fencers, because Gomez just doesn’t give a shit, and if he sees you in the library, its fucking Sword Fighting Time. 

Fester and Pugsley find out one of the college students is trying to get into chemistry and woo boy, there has never been a faster study of how to counter various acidic chemical reactions due to “water” balloons in campus history. 

Morticia and Grammy are keeping the horticulturalists on their toes with their Black Tulip/Rose hybrids, which can flick their barbs a foot away from their stem system. But it’s fine, one of the kids has managed to breed Aloe with the anti venom. 

Lurch makes sandwiches for everyone who’s too much of a coward for Grammy’s cooking. Any music major will find him looming over them, utterly stone faced as they practise until they finish, when he’ll smile, and slowly applaud. 

And the spookiest thing of all

Wednesday and Thing will find your thesis. They will critique it in every way imaginable. 

There is no escape. 

I especially love the idea of Gomez spotting a student in the library, throwing a sword at a startled student, shouting, “En garde!” and lunging at him/her with a sword of his own.

Student (later in life), when asked how she jumps from quietly doing research to handling a sudden influx of ER cases so quickly and easily, says, “When you have to snap out of deep concentration on biochem to fight for your life then get back to biochem without losing your train of thought…you learn or you die.”

This has made me laugh so hard-

the only thing i have with this is the idea that any of the students would potentially die there. they won’t- its just not how the Addams work. once you are accepted, you are an Addams until you betray or harm them. therefore, no harm will ever befall you if none was intended.

therefore gomez’s fencing matches ultimately become something the students are accustomed to. they hear his footsteps approaching (because the man has absolutely no sense for subtlety) and they say “Oh thank god I need a break” because if anything a man who’s entire thing is randomly challenging stressed students in the library to a fencing match is actually a really great way to destress and strangely enough even if they end up losing they’re still alright and Gomez gives them many heavy handed pats on the back and exclaims “Wonderful match! Extraordinarily Exquisite, my Fantastic Friend!” and lets them get back to their work feeling exhausted but no longer so tense they could’ve popped a blood vessel if they’d continued.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck thank you I’m just gonna put this in my pocket to use for the rest of my life.

a trio of witches and their familiars

this is such a fantastic photo

@kindfoxes​ This is out and out stolen art.

Here’s a link to the photographers fb page, here is her own website and here’s one to the post where you can buy prints of this photo and more made in the same series.

This is what artists mean when they say that stealing, reposting and not sourcing art costs them money. At the very least you could have posted a source to the photographer. And don’t tell me you couldn’t find it because it’s literally the top post on a reverse image search.

Remember people, don’t reblog unsourced art without captions, it’s 99.9999% stolen from someone.

I need this kind of support system in my life 😂😂😂

when someone thinks you’re cool

Greek Mythology/Roman Empire on tumblr

I couldn’t read that last one and not see this face

“toO LaTE!”

And I’d add:

Every time I see this I laugh XD

I was waiting for the night bus at 1am the other night, eating fries, when a dude, high as fuck, tried to harass me. It took several “I don’t want to talk to you, please go away” for him to finally move, but I think it helped that another man was giving him the death stare and clicking his tongue at him. He then checked I was okay and whether I knew the guy or not. Good dude.

Shout out also the man who silently switched places with me on another night bus to be a buffer between me and a guy who had threatened me. Thank you

Men: this here? This here is what you need to be doing as allies. The men who harass and insult women are not likely to take our complaints about it seriously. But you, another man, they will listen to. 

I was pumping gas at like 10 PM one night, and these bunch of drunk guys came walking up to the gas station, and one of them yelled over to me if I wanted to see his dick.  His friend says to him, “You don’t have anything she wants to see.” and apologized.  It was pretty awesome.

this is all we want from men. to recognize the wrongs done by other men, and acknowledge it. not give us shitass defense like, “not all men do that”

thank you.

In other words, don’t say “not all men”. Prove “not all men”. Men who sexually harass women defend their actions by pretending it’s normal male behavior. They think all men are just like them. Calling them out and refusing to act like them is how you prove them wrong.

^^^^

Me watching Leverage for the first time: Eliot and Parker are the best, I love them so much. Hardison is pretty cool too, but Parker and Eliot do all the awesome stuff.

Me watching Leverage for the 485th time: Hardison is the most talented wonderful person in the entire show. While all the main characters are shown to be extremely skilled in their fields, Hardison is consistently shown to be remarkably good at picking up and mastering new skills in a matter of days and even hours. He is able to master enough of old book manufacture to convince a historian his fake is authentic, he is able to explain to someone over the phone how to land a plane, he picks up a violin for the first time in years and, with a bit of manipulation from Nate, manages to play one of the most difficult pieces ever written. When Hardison expresses worry about saving an entire city, and theoretically the entire world, from the spanish flu, a disease that previously killed about 1/30th of the world’s population, Eliot says he’s not worried because Hardison is the smartest man he’s ever met. When Moreau says he has the media, the guns, and the government, Nate responds with “I have a 24-year-old genius with a smartphone and a problem with authority. You never really stood a chance.”

Hardison does almost all of the background work for any given con, with little to no thanks. He creates all the aliases, all the backgrounds, scopes out the ideal places to set up shop, organises all needed travel, runs backgrounds on nearly every person the team meets, and then packages all the relevant information into a little 3 minute slideshow that is easily understood by everybody in the room without being condescending.

He’s also one of the more emotionally mature of the main characters, tied only with Eliot. Unlike Eliot, however, Hardison is not only in touch with his feelings but able and willing to express them outwardly in non-self-destructive ways. He has a variety of hobbies (MMORPGs, brewery, watching movies, remixing music, etc) instead of just one or two that he’s shoehorned into whenever he has free time (drinking, stealing, bungee jumping, fighting people).

He is repeatably shown to be the most concerned with keeping the team together and also repeatably shown to be the softest. Parker, Nate, and Eliot are shown to make questionable decisions if they believe it’s for the greater good (of the con, of the team, etc), and Sophie is rarely in position to make a decision like that and often chooses her own survival in situations where she is, but Hardison, consistenly, has massive amounts of empathy for others, to the point where Eliot tells Parker that Hardison would have died in the ice cave on the mountain, because he would have tried so hard to bring the man’s body back to his wife. When Parker is unable to express explicitly that she likes Hardison, saying she’s having feelings about pretzels, Hardison’s response is to offer pretzels and say that they are there when she decides if she wants them. He doesn’t pressure her into making a statement or a decision, even by saying that he likes her (because there’s an inherent pressure to reciprocate those feelings when you’re under a microscope like that).

From what we know of the main characters, Nate’s first act of crime was one of revenge, as was Parker’s. Sophie’s was of self-interest, and Eliot was following orders and went too deep, then felt he couldn’t turn back.

Hardison’s first crime was stealing money from an institution that could readily afford it in order to pay the medical bills of his caregiver.

He’s the absolute best and I love him.

I can’t believe people are mad about a 16-year-old girl wanting the earth to get better

Also -

What is she supposed to do, motherfucker? Teleport?? Spontaneously develop the ability to fly unaided?

Not to mention the fact that THERE IS NO ETHICAL CONSUMPTION UNDER CAPITALISM

It doesn’t matter how committed you are to fixing the climate you still have to fuckin eat

Corporations do more harm in one hour than any singular human could do in their whole life.

Reblogging for that last line “Participating in the world as it is does not disqualify you from trying to improve it.”

donna noble's season was literally the most iconic. she shows up in the tardis on her WEDDING DAY, helps kill a spider mother, and runs into the doctor AGAIN??? because she knew something was up at that company and KNEW the doctor would be involved??? "i'm waving at fat!" how Adorable??? hOw iS hArVeYwALLbAnGeR oNe WoRd??? donna and the doctor chained up in the oodsphere and she makes a SICK point about humans taking advantage of the ood and the doctor tells her "nice one" with the tone of voice saying he'd high five her if he could,, donna questioning the tardis's translation capabilities and speaking in Latin to someone in pompeii just to see what's up????? literally saying "fuck off" and taking a spa day while the doctor nearly gets eaten on midnight???? WELL YOU'RE NOT MATIN WITH ME SUNSHINE!!! ABSOLUTELY ICONIC i stan one queen

Donna also once just full on walloped one of the most dangerous warriors in the universe on the back of the head with a hammer :D

I watched Donna's season back when DW was on Netflix. I was watching it for the first time and my friend had already seen it and wanted to skip Fires of Pompeii because "nothing happens, it's a filler episode"

After the episode I sat in silence and tried to find a way to articulate that Donna just became my favorite companion. I felt like yelling at my friend. What did she mean nothing happened? Did we watch the same episode?

Because I saw a woman who displayed such compassion and empathy that i was in near tears. A woman who displayed exactly why the Doctor should have companions. A woman who displayed the best of humanity:

When Donna wanted to warn people and responded to "Doctor, Time Lord, no!" with "Donna, human, yes!"

When it became obvious the Doctor had to destroy Pompeii to save the world and the Doctor said they wouldn't survive either Donna said "Nevermind us!"

When the Doctor took a moment to reflect on the number of people he was about to sacrifice for the world Donna silently put her hands over his on the lever. She made sure that while the Doctor had to destroy Pompeii but he didn't have to do it alone. Without a single word she told him that she was right there not just beside him but WITH him and they would carry this weight together. I love Rose and Martha but I couldn't help but think they probably would've put their hands on the Doctor in a show of sympathy, "I'm sorry you have to do this horrible thing and am here to support and comfort you" rather than on the lever in a show of solidarity. Maybe I am wrong about that. Idk.

When Donna begged him to save just one person and was the reason he saved that family.

My friend said nothing happened in that episode. Only Donna being the most important woman in the universe long before she was named that.

I had the honor of meeting Catherine Tate two weekends ago at a con and I told her Donna was my favorite companion but didn't tell her why because I didn't want to hold up the line or make myself cry. Now I wish I had told her.