the nihilist is having a heart attack

hnnnggggGGG this ask is from SO LONG AGO LMAO i leave for like 3 years and bts has invented like 5 million new story lines and universes. hyyh holds such a special place in my heart and never have the concepts of youth, lost time, and nostalgia ever been more poignant. i think these ideas definitely still live on in my creative endeavors, maybe not as directly as before but still present nonetheless :) 

i just graduated from college! which is exciting and also scary. broke up with my first serious serious bf and in many ways first love so that’s fun lol but other than that just living life n loving art. 

i hope you all (the ones who have stayed) are doing well too :) pls give me life updates as well 

hiii~~~ omg this ask made me smile and it also made my little heart twinge. idk if back is the right word as in if i’ll ever write fics again. i am however back on my same bts bullshit bc well life has gotten rough and when i need them they’re always there <3 

but i will be around the tumblr stratosphere!!! so pls come talk to me/say hi ^^

p.s. getting back into writing again and my god i’ve missed it so much

thank you thank you thank you~ this blog was how i discovered my love of writing and the magic of words and storytelling--that will never die. i started writing fanfiction when i was a teenager living in suburbia, bored to death and this was how i could control my own reality. now i am very far from home, life has become infinitely more exciting (and also more devastating haha) but words will always be the most intense and euphoric way with which i experience the world

thank you kind soul~ i really cherish this corner of the internet where i once dreamed so freely 

hi ^.^ i miss you too

hi! not sure if anyone is still keeping up to date with this silly little blog. but although i am close to death i am still around. i’ve been good! life sometimes just catches you by surprise

just posted a lil word vomit up there ^ but i actually went to go see the stars a couple months ago and it took my breath away :)

They walk up the road, leaving the car behind them. Darkness closes behind their steps. The streetlight at the end of the road flickers a rheumatic white. The street is darkest in the middle so he chooses to lie down on the driveway of the fifth house.

The rime of concrete bleeds into their thin jackets. The air is brutally cold but above them arches a night sky the color of a well formed bruise.

And in the sky, stars.

Stars that aren’t just pinpricks of light, but stars that are dewdrops on cobwebs, constellation and mythology, the shimmer of a pond in three o’clock sunshine. Stars that appear in layers, shining with depth. First you see the brightest and then gradually the dimmer ones behind it and the even dimmer ones behind them. One after the other, wave after wave until you find yourself chasing after the dimming starlight into the infinity of the abyss. The universe in all its grandiosity perched on a puff of condensed exhalation, rising from parted lips and then dispersing into nothingness.  

They shiver against the driveway. He had forgotten to bring the blanket from the car, but they are blanketed by the stars instead. Teeth-chattering and painfully cold, but they are unwilling to leave all the same.

And it is in this moment that she finds it appropriate to remark upon the great complexities and fortuities of life that have combined to produce this very moment. Something about how their lives have arbitrarily and randomly and serendipitously chosen to intersect in the present. Something breathless and wondrous and electrifying that feels like plugging into the larger network of life.

yes! but i mainly write now as a way to cope w stress so a lot of it is really just for my eyes only. but i actually wrote a little piece about breaking up w my ex (lol donut worry it’s not sappy or really all that sad) 

11/14/2016

I tighten my arms when I hug him for the last time. There is a feeling of holding on before letting go. Twenty-five minutes ago, we had both come to the conclusion that we were ill-equipped to be in a relationship right now. Maybe now simply isn’t the right time, maybe in another place, maybe with a different person, maybe with a different self.

“Thank you,” I murmur into his shoulder. It quavers as he chuckles. He probably doesn’t know why I’m thanking him.

“You’re welcome.”

We part ways in November, on the intersection of Park and Beacon, beneath sunset leaves and red brick and maybe a half-suspended breath of autumnal clarity. The weather is beautiful and perfect and I had just spent an hour of my Sunday breaking up with Matt.

We drift out of the hug, slowly but not exactly lingering. As the air rushes up between us, that’s when the farewell hits. The farewell of entropy, of drifters, of waves endlessly receding into the horizon.

Because after the crazy rush of summer, comes the gentle decay of autumn.

“Maybe I’ll see you around?”

I smile. “Maybe.”

yes! alright...digging back into the archives for this: her birth mother’s identity is eventually revealed and she has very strong connections to the underworld and specifically one of the brothers that was the leader of the White Magnolia. i think this was definitely the central twist that i was building toward--that the main oc had much stronger and complex ties than initially perceived. 

and eunhee...well she was probably going to end up dead as casualty, as most of them do 

hello!!!!! welcome! i am p inactive but i like to pop in every now and then and answer questions, maybe posttttt (emphasis on the maybe) but i am well~~ im visiting home for a little bit before work starts for the summer!!!