i strive so hard to beauty but i feel like i only ever touch sex. :/

what if i get a shitton of random tattoos and buy like steel toed kitchen/serving nonslip shoes, and start taking drugs in the way i know i would if i just let go a little bit in my life and become the sexy burnout miserable girl next door i’ve always dreamed of becoming…. blow up my life etc etc. what if? with the degree my mommy paid for?