single-log bridge till it's dark

there is nothing to reignite my feelings for a year-plus old fandom like going through my own old tumblr tag...

caveat: this only works if the fandom is actually old, which is to say, if it is something i haven't had feelings about in quite a while. if it's something that i'm still kinda in, or was in recently, then the feelings have likely worn thin. but if i give it a while to recover... that well will fill back up. cause they're dug deep.

somebody just said to me

"disco elysium is, above all things, a game about failure. failure and how we find ways to keep going despite it."

and i just YESSSS that's the thing.

i mean, it's funny, to try and fail the check to grab your tie so you can get dressed. to die from sitting in an uncomfortable chair or falling down as you try to skip out of paying your hotel bill with the money you don't have.

but it's also so fucking *real*, because real life is a challenge. mundane ordinary not-solving-murder-mysteries life. i fail my volition checks... all the time, lol.

'life gets haaard... but we go oooon...'

and the quote that bodies me most in the game is 'human will failed to get out of bed and tie its laces.' but it doesn't have to be tragic, and it doesn't have to be pathetic, (i don't know, what's the difference, maybe it's both?), but, has anyone in it not failed? neither the detectives nor the union nor the company negotiator can avoid a confrontation that no one wants; the commercial district is doomed and the fishing village is nearly deserted. everyone, absolutely everyone, is living in the ruins of a war that happened forty-plus years ago and was never quite rebuilt from.

but there's beauty and the unexpected, dancing and giant insects and YES, but there's also, even outside of that, life. just, i don't know. we can't stop except by dying, (and our protagonist*? Lol) has just failed to die when the game starts, but we haven't given up, either. what the hell good would that do for us.

life gets hard, but we go on.

wrote fucktion instead of function in my how-do-i-make-this-software-go talking to myself pain right now and god it is such a mood

finally unlocked the communism book club in disco elysium after missing it on my first playthrough cause i got it double-scheduled with my encounter with THE PIGS

and when they got to the bit about increasing turnip yields with greater revolutionary fervor

(look i know it's a reference to lysenkoism but)

revolutionary fervor? or resentful energy? how about both?? *face looking out from over fingers pointed at each other* *that turn into finger guns bc lol ofc they do*

i aten't dead, but i'm still hiding in my coffin home...

under the mountain... which is to say, on locked on twitter, and in private, on discord. for the forseeable future....

although i feel now more than ever, that i can't forsee how my life in fandom will go, ever, from one day to the next. i might not be back here for months - but truly, one never knows....

… i think i’m gonna need to try to take a step back from tumblr (and twitter) for a week or two, at least

(not that any of you could *tell,* from how active i am rn, but, yeah)

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