Formerly Lady13Bug

Its me, your feral godmother

*waves a wand and grants you the teeth and claws to fuck your evil step family up*

Good luck kid you're in a reverse beauty and beast situation. Do not let that princely motherfucker fall in love with your inner humanity or the spell will fail and you'll turn human again

Good news if you bite his ass you can start a pack together. Go forth. Enjoy the ball

You can bite a princess too if you want. Or a milkmaid, or a butler or whatever. Go nuts. The more the merrier

#misread as feral hogmother

That's my girlfriend, she's rooting for you too

#investing at 70 notes

That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about a post of mine that wasn't an addition to a post of someone else's XD

#posts that will become Tumblr heritage

I wish. I don't think it's even gonna crack 500 notes

#reblog feral godmother#i would like to know how she and feral hogmother met#story#q

Funny story, really. I was following up on tales of a wild beast rampaging through the forest next door, just kind of a professional courtesy thing, making sure it wasn't one of my mine causing an undo ruckus, you know ( a due ruckus sure, I do work in feral magics, a certain amount of ruckus is par for the course - such as tearing up golf courses, go hog wild you have my blessing - but like you can't get classified as a natural disaster that's when Heroes start coming in and it gets messy)

So anyways, I make my way over to Woods-Next-Door and its really not that hard to follow the trail of smashed foliage and dented trees and shed clothing. And I'm like awww man this is one of mine and mentally flipping through my work calendar as I walk, trying to remember if any of my recent past clients had shown any signs of being too lost in the sauce.

And so I'm having a good walk-and-talk-to-myself, as one does, and suddenly I'm stopped by a chipmunk demanding a password. I'm like my dude I am a feral godmother and I whip out my godmothering license and I show him and its good for like the five surrounding kingdoms bc I dunno how far these kids come from seeking help ya know and he's like nah lady this is the WWEE I don't need your sticken license I need a fucken password. And I'm like thinking to myself I should turn this little shitstain into a human for a while and see how he handles thumbs and taxes but instead I reach into my bag and I'm like how bout a truffle and he takes the bribe bc of course he does and I continue on my way

So now I'm going through my mental roladex of past clients AND trying to remember wtf the WWEE is - its not a thing thats what it is but that rodent sure thought it was so whatever - and then I hear it. The most beautiful, terrifying, blood-curdling-but-somehow-still-in-perfect-pitch battlecry I've ever heard in my life-- followed by the sound of someone hitting a a sheet of badly dented plate armour with a folding chair.

Do not ask how I know exactly what that sounds like.

So I hurry on with a little more urgency now bc it sounds like the Heroes are already involved and maybe I'm about to have to save little Biffany from the wrong end of a lance--

And there she is, in a beam of sunlight (one painstakingly reflected into place by several tree dwelling forest creatures with lots of pieces of less dented but very shiny plate mail) - the most busted princess you've ever seen. This gal looks beat. She is bloody. She is muddy. She is wearing a pink dress that is more tears than fabric.

And she is wailing on a hog in a dress with a badly dented breast plate on over it.

The hog is clearly letting her have at it. She is keeping her center of gravity low, arms kind vaguely out like they might be menacing, but she's leaving her main body mass wide open. I know this hog knows how to fight, it is clear in how she holds herself. But Princess Busted Up is still screeching and hollering (all in perfect pitch, princesses are weird like that) and hammering on this hogfighter with that chair for all she's worth.

And under the sound of all that, small but ferocious, is the sound of dozens of woodland creatures cheering.

They're whoopin. They're hollerin. They're holding up signs that probably say "Go, Princess Whats-her-tits" except they're fucking rabbits and shit so its mostly just muddy paw prints on pieces of dried tree bark, but the scene is unmistakable.

WWEE

Wild Wrestling Ever Efter.

That's what the shirt on the kobold refing the match says. Misspelling and all.

Anyways I grab a bag of popcorn from the gnome slinging it, pass him a 10 spot and ask him to catch me up to speed. He tells me the hog in the plate is running kind of a therapy deal, kind of an underground fightclub, almost all entirely a racket. She goes out at night and stomps and shouts and smashes up a storm, pretending to be some kind of ogre or dragon or whatever, and the princesses "get themselves kidnapped" and come out to work off some frustration.

The local fauna love it. The underground betting warrens are insane.

I talk to the hog running it after the bout and offer to assist her with some of my feral magic bc if this doesn't call for a godmother intervention I don't know what does. Now the princesses can wish upon a hamhock and the feral hogmother will come quietly and discretely whisk them away to the WWEE for a night, and the Heroes Guild can sit the fuck put.

moon snail 🌕

doll tumblr help me. help me doll tumblr. back in i think 2013-2014 i got this fashion doll that was a really cool clown. i can't remember the name of the doll line or the manufacturer, other than it was not mattel. i only know this because this line was released around the same time as ever after high and was supposed to be a direct competitor, as it was also fairytale themed. if it helps at all, i got it at walmart. i don't think it was walmart exclusive, but i really don't know since my mother only ever took me to walmart. i remember the dolls looking a lot prettier than ever after high, having similar articulation to them, and the outfits were a bit more intricate. please please please help me find this line, because i need to see this clown doll again, i loved her so so much.

More of a jester or mime than a clown or like full on red nose curly hair clown?

Boosting

Bratzillaz Mix and Match maybe?

They were called Bratzillaz Switch a Witch, and that sounds closest to me. These are just two examples

Another reason I want more Addams Family with the 90s cast is I think it would be so nice to see Morticia uncorseted and aging gracefully. I don't think she'd go full Grandmama but do you really think an Addams is afraid of wrinkles and cellulite?

Look me in the eye and tell me Anjelica Huston doesn't still have it.

Some normie to Morticia: don't do _______, it will give you wrinkles.

Gomez: God, I hope so.

at morticia's 50th birthday party everyone's making Over The Hill jokes with the same envious joy you would celebrate your cousin's hundred million dollar lottery win. the "hill" decorations are various piles of rats, bones, garbage, severed limbs. there's a lot of chains and stolen crucifixes around instead of party streamers. the cake is a graveyard hill and they cut it with a visibly filthy shovel.

'one foot in the grave' gomez tells his wife, actively crying, 'and what a foot!'

morticia has the first slice of cake (it has a little sugar grave on it). when she finishes her delicate spoonful and smiles, the camera zooms in and we see she has spontaneously developed crow's feet. off camera is the sound of her husband really unsubtly orgasming.

after the party they drive off in a hearse with glass bottles of formaldehyde tied to the bumper. it says JUST OLD in the back.

the unsubtle orgasm noises continue.

YES. I WANT THIS.

insane how people think i can just do things. "can you mail me this?" and get killed by the post office desk workers?????!!!?

For added context, people who don’t remember the 1980s, there were a serious of deadly shootings carried out by postal workers against their coworkers.

It was mostly covered by the media as a joke, as I recall.

post office scary

What I love about this, though, is that the little nails will become an outline of where the water was. It will trace the shape, show someone later what was there once upon a time. It will be a testament to how much this guy wanted to capture the amazing things he saw and experienced, and though it will never truly keep it, it will hold a memory, something that in itself is beautiful and worthy of experience. We cannot describe the indescribable, but we can trace its outline, give some idea of what we experienced.

official linguistics post

What I love about this, though, is that the little nails will become an outline of where the water was. It will trace the shape, show someone later what was there once upon a time. It will be a testament to how much this guy wanted to capture the amazing things he saw and experienced, and though it will never truly keep it, it will hold a memory, something that in itself is beautiful and worthy of experience. We cannot describe the indescribable, but we can trace its outline, give some idea of what we experienced.

official linguistics post

🤎 sturgeon 🤎

Bruce only left Damian alone for 10 minutes during a short visit to the charity group called the Anti-GIW in amity park. Only damian didn't leave empty handed.

He was gifted a crapton of new information about ghosts, or infinite realm like beings whom are being hunted due to their ectoplasm/lararus power energy as battery because the GIW believes they are not sentient which they are if they can speak English.

He just holding a oversized and very full folder of info given to him as he sat back in the limo after gifting a large sum of money to support this group until he can go home and bring the Justice League in.

Damien is quiet in the limo, obviously interested in a very large book call the history of Ghost mystical creatures and you that he was reading. Bruce just sighed a bit as he goes to read folder one Called The day where it all happened.

Unknownly to Bruce, Damian is has a baby in his lap, after he has wish that he wasn't the youngest child anymore when his Father told him to not stray away when he was busy listening to the anti-GIW fanatics... only for a black hair, blue eyes diaper wearing baby to poof in his arm.

At that exact moment, When Desiree was fighting with Danny from above only to sense a wish being active did a clever idea to avoid Soup time and give Danny a vacation as Danny disappeared only to look up confused staring into the Green eyes of Damian Wayne.

Aquaman was only patrolling the ocean, not expecting a baby mer swimming with the whales along the way.

It one of the few things he would like to do in his free time is to help the ocean sea with minor problems, a seal having his neck stuck with a plastic can holder, a a couple shark with a hook stuck to her fin/nose or tailfin, a couple of trapped rare fish in poacher traps.

He wasn't expecting a small group of whales, mainly a momma whale and two Baby whales to swim by singing their song while hunting a vast enormous group of krills.

Only to hear a tiny little baby mer singing along with them. It was a boy, with chubby lil arms, a beautiful trails of sparkling white and neon green color, fade gray and black tips mer tailwind. A fainted trail of electric shock probably from a mishap by jellyfish tracing from one of his chubby hand down to his body.

Hair white as snow, eyes greener then the grass on land, tanned skin and a odd sliver mechanism purple clock on a necklace that was ticking slowly despite being in deep underwater.

Arthur was going to get closer but the Momma whale Block his view using her vast body after she noticed him getting closer, the two Baby whales hiding behind her along with the baby mer.

Meanwhile Danny as clockwork apprentice until he grows into his state as the ruler of ghost realm and away from noisy observators has been on a mission to keep the timeline in check in other dimensions. Clockwork insisted this form would do the trick

Alfred's new ward making sure everyone is having great day during their day off from crime whether they want to or not.

Previous original post

Damian knew from day one of meeting alfred's new ward that he was going to be trouble..

He may have been stalking the kid doing alfred's work while alfred sat down in a comfy couch with a plate of fresh jasmine tea, his prescription medince bottle at ready and a raspberry strudel to nibble on.

He ain't going to replace his favorite Butler, not now, not ever. So Damian got Tim and Dick to help sabotage this heathen from taking over...Not knowing this kid was expecting their over the top sabotages. They tried scaring him with Titus but the little traitor lay there on his back getting belly rubs like it was heaven itself.

Changing the plumbing in his shower to freezing cold, but he walk out there refreshed. Tim trying to look of anything to blackmail him only for the batcomputer to go off the frizz with a virus.

Alfred did make sure to have his work sort out alphabetical because he is the Glue that keep these Wayne Manor going and everyone living in it not because caveman style creatures of the night.

Danny made sure Bruce didn't escape to his batcave on his supposed day off after 96 hours without sleep and spite driven nature, and don't even come with Justice never sleep excuses is going to run by him. He got Alfred's speical Bruce's tranquilizer gun at ready and he is not hesitating to shot you Bruce.

He does kept Tim from overdoing with the coffee addiction, giving him a better offer of coffee as long as he goes to sleep. Dick will still talk about Saturday night when Tim tries to sneak out to do some more investigating in the batcave only to see Danny dragged a unconscious Tim back to his room, a two tranquilizers to the back and one of his arm, though he didn't mention the Danny's glowing cat light green eyes that shine in the dark.

Danny's funny puns neon ghost stickers made dick's days, every morning as he goes to get his lunch, and he really want to know where he get them from.

Danny did actually helped a lot with the Wayne Manor as it never been cleaner before, Jason visited one time even mentioned that the chandelier never feel so clean to hang on from, not a speck of dust on it.

Damian getting a new animals book/documentaries, a new knifes for the collection or art supplies that match his demands in a way that keep his stabby nature at sate and bay for now.

Barb, Cass and Duke are amused by the fact that Bruce, Tim and Damian are having a little mid crisis that danny making them have day off on certain days such as holidays.

All this free time actually had alfred's going back to old hobbies that were nearly long forgotten such as conversations with old dear friends, practicing his old shooting skills, and having well deserved rest. Once his arm was healed, he stil did his duty along side with Danny as it was much quicker to do together as two people at hand.

What they will probably find out later on in the future that danny is actually Bruce's great grand uncle from his older sister side, and that he had disappeared when he was 20 years old in a old spooky town that vanished and still on today uneXplained series after his great grandmother moved to gotham. (But that another story for next post)

Alfred gains an unique apprentice after his arm got fractured.

Most of the batfam has been causing a ruckus in the Wayne Manor for the past 4 months that even Alfred was feeling a bit worn out.

To the point that his personal favorite market friends suggest getting a trainee, or a ward to help him out epecially because Alfred isn't getting any younger, no matter how well he took care of his own health.

Helda got herself a ward herself, a sweet little girl, name Ellen who help her keep the lil Duckling candles shop in order especially after her hip surgery went through, and will be taking over for her considering helda had no descendents, but Ellen make her feel young again.

Alfred merely delined, but ended up getting the card still by persistented friends. A card with a purple GrandFather clock symbol and a number on it. He left it in his draw as he was not rude enough to throw away.

Then came the prank war 13 on June 15th in the Wayne Manor that Alfred accidentally ended up being targeted by pure coincidence which ended with him with a fractured arm..

Both Bruce and Alfred was majorly disappointed with how far escalated the prank war went that got immediately stop when the batfam saw Alfred gotten injured during it.

Except now Alfred is stuck for 6-10 weeks without using his right arm until his personal doctor said it ok to take the cast off then have a arm sling..

Alfred was immensely stubborn for 3 days, 3 days of trying to do all his duties.. before he gave in..

And called the number on the card, and received a lovely blue letter with a couple of oddly specific paperwork on a type of help he need, what is your age, your job occupied, have any illness or arthritis, needs in case of meta or superpower sudden surprises appear, how dangerous is your and your family lifestyle, etc

By the time he finished the paperwork and hand it sent back in the return blue letter. It was by day 5 on a Friday when he received a letter back, stating that that a ward been selected and will be coming from Amity Park to help him.

Alfred was expected a teenager, but a 7 year old boy with blaring light blue eyes, starlight like freckles, black hair with a medium space designed suitcase and a very old and worn out bearbert plush on top of it.

"Good morning, You must be Mr. Pennyworth, and I'm Danny." Danny beamed a soft smile with the eyes of wisdom and understanding. Alfred pause for a mere second before a soft smile bloomed and open the door wide for him.

"Hello there Danny, do come in. Alfred said softly as he watch danny a bit with curiosity.

Would you like a snack before we start the day?" Alfred ask as he escorted danny to the kitchen to help him with today breakfast along with a list of the breakfast dishes with ingredients.

"That ok, what would you like to help you do, cut the vegetables, stir the pot, help lift the food into the oven, or clean the dishes, because you aren't going to try and do that all with a broken arm, right?" Danny said as he look at today breakfast list, going to the sink and cleaning his hand thoroughly first before touching any fresh ingredients already put out while Alfred pick the frying pans, cups, dishes and utensils for the batfam.

Alfred notice right away that danny was floating a bit to pick the heavy large pot full of marinated food from the fridge that was supposed to be on the stove for slow brothing for later today dinner, considering alfred couldn't well take it out himself since his arm was broken..

Smiling softly to himself that it was a good idea to have a ward of his own as he teaches danny the best techniques to make a Benedict.

New post here

Birds of a Feather previous / next

Sir, I hope you have your will updated and notarized.

Bonus:

I broke myself to give Koki Marina and Vesperia Space versions even though I hate power ups. They're for emergencies only! Like chasing Miraculous thieves! And getting to the hospital at the speed of sound!

(I couldn't leave Fox Trot out though!)

Ko-fi | Patreon