Everyone keeps telling me they love my medical "make it weird" stories, so here's another one.

It is in my chart that I do not wake up from general anesthesia well. Twilight sleep, full under, doesn't matter, I won't wake up.

So, of course this time again I don't and am just mosey-d on down to med surge.

An intrepid nurse decides she has nothing smarter to do than try to wake me. It takes 4 vials of smelling salts.

On the fourth, I wake and shoot bolt upright in the bed and apparently (I don't remember any of it because anesthesia amnesia) I headbutt the poor lady.

So, apparently also I apologized profusely and told her she could make a note in my chart verbatim.

The note says, "patient informed nurse after accidental headbutting during waking that nuse had her permission to request not being floated to med surge in future due to being too short thus at risk for head injury."

ME: I think I should put up glow in the dark stars.

WEEBLET: How would you charge them to glow? Do you know where any of the light switches even are in your house?

ME: I do! I just don't replace any of the bulbs.

WEEBLET: *sigh* You wouldn't even realize if there was a power outage, would you?

ME: Eh. If the AC was off long enough, I would.

WEEBLET: Glow in the dark stars are useless for you.

ME: Glow in the dark stars sure would be useless to me.

So obviously I am a big fan of "don't use someone's disability for your own benefit."

However, today I had my physical and the nurse (my fave who has been stabbing me for over 10 years) asks if she can push my wheelchair to my car for me. No one has ever offered that, and it seemed sort of over the top, and I said "it's no big deal I can get through the parking lot."

And she whispers, "please. I left my cigarettes in my car."

I gotchu girl. We get out of the room and I say in earshot of the doctor "golly, those vaccines and bloodwork made my arms super sore and there was no handicapped parking available." Which was all true, but not true enough that I couldn't manage.

And the nurse goes, "oh my GoSh! Doc, Imma help her to her car."

And that doctor held the doors open for us with a smile on his face and everything like my nurse was just going the exta mile for patient care. I also appreciated her putting my chair in my trunk for me.

So like, if we're friends, and you need an excuse, you know what? Shoot your shot. There's a reason I got a disabled placard and not car tags. You wanna go somewhere with me and get good parking, or take a 10 minute smoke break because it's Friday and you're tired? Need to hit someone with a sturdy cane?

I gotchu.

WEEBLET: What is this song? It's kind of a vibe.

ME: Kind of a........ vibe?! Girl, it's Bohemian Rhapsody, what are they even teaching you in school?!"

WEEBLET: You're saying that like I should know it! I've never even heard it before! How would I know?!

ME: ..................... Honestly? For some reason it feels like everyone in the world born after 1975 has the lyrics of this song carved into their bones at birth.

WEEBLET: Guess you suck at carving, then.

ME: I failed you. Horribly.