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Unreal Reality

@scrumptious-finicky-illusion / scrumptious-finicky-illusion.tumblr.com

Omnivorous fan fiction reader. Queer Feminist Chonk. Kind as often as possible. It's always possible. I drink and paint my face. #What is cheese if not milk persevering? (Ms. Scumptious (She/her but sometimes They/them)
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pervocracy

Note to vacationing non-Americans: while it’s true that America doesn’t always have the best food culture, the food in our restaurants is really not representative of what most of us eat at home.  The portions at Cheesecake Factory or IHOP are meant to be indulgent, not just “what Americans are used to.”

If you eat at a regular American household, during a regular meal where they’re not going out of their way to impress guests, you probably will not be served twelve pounds of chocolate-covered cream cheese.  Please bear this in mind before writing yet another “omg I can’t believe American food” post.

Also, most American restaurant portions are 100% intended as two meals’ worth of food. Some of my older Irish relatives still struggle with the idea that it’s not just not rude to eat half your meal and take the rest home, it’s expected. (Apparently this is somewhat of an American custom.)

Until you’re hitting the “fancy restaurant” tier (the kind of place you go for a celebration or an anniversary date), a dinner out should generally also be lunch for the next day. Leftovers are very much the norm.

From the little time I’ve spent in Canada, this seems to be the case up there as well.

the portions in family restaurants (as opposed to haute cuisine types) are designed so that no one goes away hungry.

volume IS very much a part of the american hospitality tradition, and Nobody Leaves Hungry is important. but you have to recognize that it’s not how we cook for ourselves, it’s how we welcome guests and strengthen community ties.

so in order to give you a celebratory experience and make you feel welcomed, family restaurants make the portions big enough that even if you’re a teenage boy celebrating a hard win on the basketball court, you’re still going to be comfortably full when you leave.

of course, that means that for your average person with a sit-down job, who ate a decent lunch that day, it’s twice as much as they want or more. that’s ok. as mentioned above, taking home leftovers is absolutely encouraged. that, too, is part of american hospitality tradition; it’s meant to invoke fond memories of grandma loading you down with covered dishes so you can have hearty celebration food all week. pot luck church basement get-togethers where the whole town makes sure everybody has enough. that sort of thing. it’s about sharing. it’s about celebrating Plenty.

it’s not about pigging out until you get huge. treating it that way is pretty disrespectful of our culture. and you know, contrary to what the world thinks, we do have one.

Reblogging because I honestly never thought about it but yeah, this lines up.

This is also why the idea of “pay a lot for fancy food on tiny plates” pisses so many Americans off. Unless you are rich enough not to care about throwing your money away, it’s not just a ridiculous ripoff in terms of not filling you up, it’s stingy. Restaurants are places of hospitality. If I pay that much for a plate it had better be damn good and it had better be generous. Otherwise they are just trying to fleece me out of my money AND saying they don’t value me as a customer.

If I go to IHOP or Olive Garden or whatnot, I absolutely don’t need to eat again until evening if I had leftovers, and until the next day if I did eat everything (you can’t really take pancakes home as leftovers).

But EVEN IF I DID EAT EVERYTHING and then ate a full meal on top of that, later, it’s really not anyone’s place to criticize what other people eat. It just isn’t. Let it go. It’s old.

Making fun of American food culture and food habits isn’t original or surprising or witty or funny or getting one over on us or crafting a clever retort or whatever. It’s lazy and petty and childish.

Yeah, we eat a lot of hamburgers. They’re fucking delicious. Cope.

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People say “phase” like impermanence means insignificance. Show me a permanent state of the self.

holy shit this quote changed my life about four years ago. so crazy that this just resurfaced. i’m really happy.

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Do NOT Say 'Always After My Lucky Charms,' Or I Will Stab You

Welcome to another addition to the Holidays in Hel series! Where Loki and Mina attempt to save the Avengers from yet another catastrophic holiday fuckup.

I've been cleaning up and adding bits to my Holidays in Hel series because really, it's my favorite. I hope you enjoy, and thank you as always for reading!

Chapter One: An Unmitigated Disaster Awaits

In which Loki and Mina once again find themselves in the middle of a colossal Avengers holiday fuckup. And who knew the Fey Folk were such assholes?

If there was blame to be assigned for the night that destroyed any charm and mystery left in St. Patrick’s Day, it should really go to The Paddy O’Hoolihan’s, an Irish folk band with a painfully cheesy name. But their music- it was frenzied and delightful, which was why Mina, Wanda, Jane, Pepper, Darcy, and even Natasha were swirling madly in some sort of a jig between each other like a flutter of butterflies, colorful spring dresses flaring out in a pleasing way that exposed a toned thigh or two. They were so fascinating to watch that the rest of the Avengers agreed right then that a Night Out On The Town would be necessary in the hopes of seeing more of this.

St. Patrick's day is a special holiday for me, even though I'm so far from being Irish it's funny. It's true though, on St. Patrick's day everyone's a little bit Irish.

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datafags

honestly it wasn't my impression that it was our reference point for state *violence*, but rather *censorship*. basically every reference to tiananmen I see on the internet is centered around chinese state censorship.

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tuulikki

Hundreds, possibly thousands of people died at Tiananmen. We won’t ever know how many the government killed because, unlike literally every other event mentioned, the state continues to threaten violence as a punishment for even talking about what happened.

When I was studying at BeiDa literally only people whose families were from Beijing knew that “something” had happened at Tiananmen.

You know what you get when you search for “the June Fourth Incident” (aka the Tiananmen Massacre) on the Chinese internet?

You get this:

The entirety of Weibo. 600 million active users. And there is nothing.

On Baidu, the Chinese equivalent of Google, you get a jumble of random unrelated crap:

(The scene with blood is a photo from a Baghdad market.)

Literally nowhere can you find this image:

To even show my roommates this picture, I had to get a VPN to get through the Great Firewall of China. And one of them frankly told me she was pretty sure it was Western propaganda hoax and that the event had not occurred.

And it happened at Tiananmen fucking Square! That is the stage for political symbolism! Imagine if the U.S. government used Black Hawk helicopters to kill hundreds of protestors who’d been inside the torch of the Statue of Liberty and Americans couldn’t even google it. And the consequences have been with China ever since. Not just the politics, but even the physical space: they put you through TSA-level security now before you can even step out onto the Square because they need to control speech acts on that symbolic stage.

The protestors wanted freedom of speech. And even the fact that they spoke up has been obliterated from history.

By contrast, the American government lets you google every single one of those American incidents. I have heard Neil Young’s “Ohio” at the fucking grocery store. We are all here talking about these events! We don’t even need to come up with coded alternatives!

Tiananmen should be remembered as a reference point of state violence. The subsequent blackout censorship is a direct result of the threat of state violence backed up with tanks. Until people are afraid to mention Ferguson on social media for fear of getting harmonised, I don’t see why we need to belittle the heroism of Chinese students and workers by making false comparisons.

Talk about American atrocities. Talk about Wounded Knee in both 1890 and 1973, while we’re at it. But there is a reason we talk about Tiananmen as state violence.

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foxherder

The Avengers (including Loki) are in a restaurant talking to a bad guy, and trying to come to an agreement civilly.

Y/N: *walks over to their table*

Loki: Are you on his side? *gestures to the bad guy* In that case, I agree with him completely. We should do whatever he says. *winks at you*

Y/N: …I’m the waiter.

Tony: *facepalms*

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If you aren't following the news here in the Pacific Northwest, this is a very, very big deal. Our native salmon numbers have been plummeting over the past century and change. First it was due to overfishing by commercial canneries, then the dams went in and slowed the rivers down and blocked the salmons' migratory paths. More recently climate change is warming the water even more than the slower river flows have, and salmon can easily die of overheating in temperatures we would consider comfortable.

Removing the dams will allow the Klamath River and its tributaries to return to their natural states, making them more hospitable to salmon and other native wildlife (the reservoirs created by the dams were full of non-native fish stocked there over the years.) Not only will this help the salmon thrive, but it makes the entire ecosystem in the region more resilient. The nutrients that salmon bring back from their years in the ocean, stored within their flesh and bones, works its way through the surrounding forest and can be traced in plants several miles from the river.

This is also a victory for the Yurok, Karuk, and other indigenous people who have relied on the Klamath for many generations. The salmon aren't just a crucial source of food, but also deeply ingrained in indigenous cultures. It's a small step toward righting one of the many wrongs that indigenous people in the Americas have suffered for centuries.

Holy shit this is a good thing!

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Hi Dr. Tingle, have you ever considered writing a kids book? I think your combination of earnestness, whimsy, and a keen sense of the weird and wonderful would be a great combo for kids lit. Keep on being awesome!

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yes i think it would be really nice to do a childrens book about a nice bigfoot or a space raptor but i would not want any buckaroos who were too young to accidentally stumble onto my other tinglers before that is appropriate.

solution i have come up with is that i could use a new pen name that is ALSO basically my name i already use maybe something like CHARLES T or something like that.

so yes i think i would like to do that someday i am just really dang busy at the moment but i think that would prove love and be very dang fun

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neil-gaiman

Dooooo ittttttt.

oh dang now i have to

thank you buckaroo neil LOVE IS REAL

Genre: Writing au of au Writers

Relationships: Neil Gaiman and Chuck Tingle

Tags: writing encouragement, love is real, writing books for children, choosing a pseudonym to deter younger readers away from inappropriate material, egging on, positivity, no writers envy

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i watched My Neighbor Totoro for the first time, here's my chronological viewing experience:

  • woo-hoo! dusty old japanese house with japanese architectural details aplenty
  • these kids got some ENERGY my goodness
  • family dynamic's adorable. peak quality dad humor
  • kids: our house is haunted. parents: that's so cool!
  • hell yeah, wrinkled old lady rep. we need more friendly old women with potato faces and warts like storybook witches. the backbone of society, these ladies
  • Plot Summary: Small Child Bothers Local Wildlife
  • sacred tree sacred tree sacred tree
  • Introducing Totoro! nobody said this fucker's got TEETH???
  • Uh-Oh! Inadequate Parental Supervision Detected
  • (you misplaced your four year old! you're not supposed to do that)
  • 4-year-old: i met a magic forest spirit. dad: oh shit fr?
  • 4-year-old: *angrily hugs sister* missed u bitch
  • this small child has a smile like a toad. like a really really cute toad. like the cutest toad in all existence. i love her she's perfection please just let this child be happy
  • rice paddies are so pretty....so back breaking....rice is such a prissy crop
  • *my crush is stranded in a rainstorm* takethisumbrellait'syoursnowBYE *runs away in panic im so good at flirting*
  • Giant Chinchilla Learns To Hold Umbrella, Is Fucking Delighted By Experience
  • take this, it will help you on your quest! *hands u trail mix wrapped in a leaf*
  • LO-FI HIP HOP STUDY LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • crouching down to peer at dirt--A++ top notch foundational childhood experience
  • mom has a big ass forehead
  • honey! the chinchillas are performing Rituals in the backyard again
  • help yeah let's jack and the bean stalk this shit
  • huh so we're all just climbing aboard the giant chinchilla's tiddies now ok
  • class trip!
  • the pure adrenaline of Vegetable Gardening
  • no! the small child is crying! she is bawling her eyes out. no no no. i can't cope with this. emotionally i cannot cope 🥺🥺🥺
  • i've only had Mei one hour but if anything happens to her i will raze this earth and everyone on it
  • please someone make this small child smile again
  • oh no the tall child is crying too
  • i can't take this. my heart can't take this.
  • i need a drink
  • small child running determined to deliver magic veggies to the hospital. this kid is my hero
  • she is also unsupervised. so, so unsupervised
  • babe you are FOUR
  • godDAMMIT ghibli, you cannot give me watercolor sunsets while a small child is missing. u are killing me. my heart is giving out. this is me, experiencing heart failure.
  • Totoro to the rescue!
  • no wait CATBUS to the rescue!
  • i admit i initially thought the cat was a creep. alice in wonderland prejudiced me. i have revised my notions of smiling cats
  • i've decided the cat is a metaphor for the magic of a robust public transport system
  • MEI'S OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • and so is mom. she's a lovely lady im sorry for what i said about her forehead. it's a noble forehead.
  • happy ending YES bitch!!!!!!

ok. ok ok ok. that was magical.

(as a first-time adult viewer i was worried i wouldn't be able to Access the Magic. but i could and i did and it was incredible. that was culture. that was ART. joy distilled into animated form. holy rites of childhood. i understand now. how glorious, this world we grow out of. how full of marvels. i'm going outside to smell grass and sun and get dirt under my fingernails. miraculous.)

Final Thoughts:

  • Totoro has no external genitalia
  • though we don't know the specific biology of its species, this indicates:
  • A) Totoro is female, or
  • B) Totoro has been neutered.

given that Tortoro's gender is canonically unspecified, i must conclude:

Nonbinary Icon Totoro

yall are COWARDS for reblogging this without my EXCELLENT observations re: Totoro's Genital Situation

"the cat is a metaphor for the magic of a robust public transport system"

Amen!

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Hello fellow nonbinary fanfic writer!! I love your stuff (it's low-key inspired me to get back into writing ngl) and I was wondering if I could request some Aziraphale loving? Either SFW or NSFW is okay, though I'd absolutely love to see a peek at a soft gentle dom Zira. Whatever inspires you, my friend!

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notes: hey fellow enby fic writer (same hat!) It’s truly the biggest compliment I can get to see those words. Im so happy that my silly little scribbles have inspired you 💕
pairing: aziraphale x gn!reader
rating: E, very Nsft. minors DNI

“Come on, darling.”

His voice is so gentle, so loving. Like you’re the only thing at the centre of the entire world. 

To win the heart of an angel is a very precious thing indeed. 

Hotter than I ever thought it could be. He's an angel

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