dan

heart - shaped scallion found In pho . reblog for good luck & yummy soup 500000 forwver

this is the last time I was happy

ghost rider what you did to that iguana was fucked up dude

way to go jackass

More importantly, given that Ghost Rider can canonically only scourge the souls of sinners, what sins had that random-ass lizard committed?

lust

That was Rango

What would happen if you got an email

i would check it

You sick fuck.

Jury Duty (s1, 2023)

I have the biggest dick in 40 square miles

A real, actual, I-am-not-fucking-lying-to-you-this-truly-happened moment from the Christmas special Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa

ricky: great-grandma, you always know just what to say!

ricky’s great-grandma: dohuhohohwhehelghuhohokesynohehCHRISTMAS huahhahohoho

I thought of this while i was driving today and almost drove into my mailbox

I will slip through the space between your cells and enter your body and I won't be identified as a threat because I'm making out with your white blood cells (I call them babygirl) then when you least expect it I crawl into your brain and then I freak it

I made this post about myself but I accidentally perfectly described how the rabies virus works

When my children ask what the world was like before coronavirus I'm showing them this

Switching Pendulums

y I watch this for like 9 mins straight

Steve Harvey, walking forward: [audience cheering and clapping] YES!!! KILL!!!!!! [board changes, with a ding, to reveal the word “KILL”]