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Carpe Noctem

@nyxshadowhawk / nyxshadowhawk.tumblr.com

Welcome to the Shadow Realm
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Chrétian de Troyes is legit the funniest medieval writer i’ve read so far??

Like. percival is all masquerading as a badass knight and then the moment he opens his mouth everyone can immediately tell that he’s an idiot. he won’t stop talking about his mom and it takes his mentor to give it to him straight to get him to stop. he’s called an idiot to his face.

And the whole time arthur is like, Kay i swear to god it’s ok for perceval to act like an idiot because no one knows who he is, but if you act like an idiot you make me look bad, so sit the fuck down.

LIKE??? THIS IS LITERATURE

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friend-crow

There are actually a lot of rules to magic.

Like yes, there's no rules, but if your takeaway from that is that there's literally no rules, then I think you missed the larger conversation about the specific ways in which there are no rules.

What "there's no rules" means is that there is not one universal set of rules that applies to every practitioner.

It means that nobody gets to act as an authority on what the rules are for everyone else.

It means that if you show up on somebody else's post saying "the first rule of witchcraft is that you must only use magic for good" you will probably (and deservedly) be told to fuck off.

What "there's no rules" does NOT mean is that there are literally no rules. There are SO many rules. People just work within their own set of rules.

Some rules come with the territory of working within a specific tradition.

Some rules are set by entities that practitioners work with, and might be quite specific to each individual.

Some rules are like laws of physics. They define the mechanisms by which magic works within a paradigm, and what the limits are on what it can do. A magical practice consisting of "I can do literally anything," is typically a practice that hasn't had a lot of genuine thought put into it. I have yet to meet anybody who can literally turn invisible or fly.

Some rules are more like a personal code of ethics.

So, when you burst into someone else's post to announce that there are no rules, you might not be told to fuck off quite as quickly as if you turned up to impose your personal rules on other people, but you are essentially signaling that you do not understand the concept of rules within a magical practice.

Disclaimer: some people are going to be obnoxious and make their own posts about how everyone else should be following their rules, and while it might be tempting to correct them, in my experience these people tend to get 0 notes, and you're more likely to give them the exposure they desire by starting a flame war. When they find that followers don't come flocking to them, they eventually get bored and give up.

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vvitchgender

I think it’s incredibly fucked how capitalism discourages learning for learning’s sake. People will have interests they’ve spent years researching then say it’s “useless knowledge” bc it didn’t go towards a college degree and isn’t part of their job. Learning is never useless! Your brain is growing and developing throughout your whole life! People would never have epiphanies or sudden lightening strikes of creativity if they weren’t learning new things! That goes double for topics like science, politics, and history, which inform your understanding of the world you live in!

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For every claim about Pagan survivals in European / North American folk traditions and holidays, it's important to remember that there are at least three layers of cruft on top:

  1. Sixteenth- and seventeenth-century Protestants trying to discredit Catholicism by claiming that it was secretly Pagan
  2. Nineteenth-century Romanticists and Nationalists trying to construct an "authentic" volkisch identity by connecting everything to a remote pre-Christian (pre-Jewish) antiquity, and
  3. Contemporary Neopagans and New Agers who want to maintain these traditions.

6. Some bullshit Dan Brown made up

7. Some bullshit James Frazer made up. (I know he falls under points 1 and 2, but he is solely responsible for so much neopagan bullshit history that deserves his own category.)

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I Read The Silmarillion So You Don't Have To, Part Six

Chapter 14: Of Beleriand and its Realms In which we get a geography lesson.

Had enough political geography yet? I’m not going to summarize this whole chapter, because it’s exactly what it says on the tin: it describes the realms of Beleriand. It is impossible to make sense of this chapter without looking at the map. And most of it is information that we already know. For the sake of being complete, and of helping myself keep track of all this information, here’s what’s important:

  • The northern land where the Noldor live is called Hísilomé (in Quenya) or Hithlum (in Sindarin), both of which mean “Land of Mist.” It’s called that because of all the smoke that comes from Angband blows over it. It’s co-ruled by Fingolfin and his son Fingon.
  • In the westernmost part of Beleriand, on the coast, is a land called Nevrast. Turgon, Fingolfin’s other son, rules there. It’s completely surrounded by mountains in a kind of triangular shape, which is not how mountains work. Its population consists of an even mix of Noldor and Sindar.
  • Remember how I said there were two Minas Tiriths? The one we know is the second one, in Gondor, many thousands of years later. The first one is a watchtower built in a small mountain pass on the River Sirion, here in Beleriand. Finrod built it, but he leaves it in the care of his brother Orodreth. (“Minas Tirith” just means “guard tower” in Sindarin, so that’s why there’s two fortresses with that name.)
  • The River Sirion flows south. West of it is the realm of Nargothrond, ruled by Finrod, and east of it is Doriath, the forest ruled by King Thingol of the Sindar.
  • The eagles live on a chain of mountains called the Crissaegrim. (Yes, the name of the best sword in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night is a reference to this! )
  • In the eastern part of Beleriand is the River Gelion, running parallel to the Sirion. It has six rivers that flow into it. That land is called Ossiriand, and the Green Elves live there. Directly north is Thargelion, where Caranthir (another one of Fëanor’s sons) has his castle.
  • In the northeast is Lothlann, which is the plain that’s most exposed to Morgoth. Maedhros has his castle there.

I feel like this chapter should have come before the last one. It describes a bunch of places which have already been referenced in relation to each other. So, why are they being described now, after they’ve already become relevant to the story? Like, for example, the Thangorodrim. In this chapter, we’re told that the Thangorodrim are mountains made out of the refuse from Morgoth’s excavations while he was building his fortress. That would have been nice to know before Mædhros was nailed to the face of them. Back in the last chapter, the text just sort of assumed that we already know what the Thangorodrim are. I gathered from the context that they’re mountains and that they’re connected to Morgoth. I guess that’s all one really needs to know, right? No story actually needs this detailed a description of the geography… but this book is 300 pages of straight infodumping. So, we get all the geography, and out-of-order.

Okay, now that that’s over, let’s move on to something interesting!

Chapter 15: Of the Noldor in Beleriand In which a legendary city is built, and Thingol hears all the dirt on the Noldor.

Remember Turgon? He’s Fingolfin’s son and Fingon’s brother, and he received a prophetic dream from Ulmo, the Vala of Water. The dream led him to finding a hidden valley in the north of Beleriand. Feeling homesick for Valinor, Turgon decided to build a city on the hill in the center of the valley, which would be like a New Tirion — the original city of the Noldor, replicated in Middle Earth!

Turgon brought many of the most skilled Noldor to the valley to build the city, and then ditched them to live comfortably in Nevrast while they did the work for him. After fifty-two years, the city was complete. Turgon named it Ondolindë, which means “The Rock of the Music of Water” in Quenya. But it’s better known by its Sindarin name, Gondolin.

The Hidden City of Gondolin by Aesthetica

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Weird Medieval Marginalia

So I got to see an epically cool manuscript of Arthurian romance (Beinecke MS 229), written in French sometime in the thirteenth or fourteenth century. It contains many fully illuminated illustrations, but the most interesting thing about it turned out to be the marginalia.

All the big images were the same kinds of scenes of knights fighting, people going into or out of buildings, people lying in bed, occasionally people on boats or talking, etc. After a while they just felt repetitive. But there are these little cartoons in the margins, and they are WILD:

I mean I don’t even know what’s going on here.

Apparently knights fighting snails appear in a lot of manuscripts. We have no idea what they mean. Might be the medieval version of a meme.

What even is that gray thing?

Knight riding chicken.

Derpy horse.

A very weird-looking unicorn.

Rabbits hunting people. (RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!)

Balancing act.

Baby Yoda in the corner there.

WHAT

There’s plenty more, but that’s as much as I can fit into one post. And this is all one manuscript!

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✨💫 TWST JP "ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL" FULL 3D PERFORMANCE 💫✨

I needed to share this video because it was region locked for this year's April Fools, but we finally got the full performance of the VDC tribe in TWST FES last year....😭🫶
WE WON EVERYONE 🎉🎊
LOOK AT THEM!!! 😭🎉🎉

They deserved to win!

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wizardnuke

fake relationship but its a king and his concubine that was once an amazing soldier but he couldn’t go up the ranks for whatever reason so the king was like listen. hear me out. you can be my strategy dude. u just gotta be okay w walking around shirtless a lot. and soldier dude is like man that’s an UPSIDE and yknow they end up falling in love

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aethersea

some idiot advisor: I can’t believe his majesty lets his boytoy attend these council meetings, it’s an insult to the noble institutions that uphold our nation, it’s an outrage—

a somewhat smarter advisor: you’re just mad bc he pointed out how dumb your naval attack strategy and no one laughed when you made a mean joke about him

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fieldbears

Boytoy has gone from a top fighter who was well respected but in constant danger to wearing silks and eating grapes on daises. That fucked up rotator cuff was the best thing to ever happen to him

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mzminola

Bonus points: at least half the other concubines are experts in assorted fields, the monarch brings them to relevant meetings to both play up a reputation for frivolity, and make sure at least one person there doesn’t have an outside agenda.

my harem? 

did you mean: my chief strategic advisors

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kitten-kin

The kingdom is an absolute monarchy but the harem has become a secret meritocracy. The nobles and official advisors kind of side-eye His Majesty because wow some of these consorts must have like…really good personalities. Kings of the past have had their own specific tastes of course; size, shape, age, color, et cetera. More than one ruler has interviewed consorts feet first and Ardwin the Adventurous’s obsession - God rest him - with snuffling armpits like a sow rooting for mushrooms is well known despite never being alluded to in polite company.

The worst part of it is that the new king takes at least part of his harem with him everywhere and it’s so embarrassing. The Counselors of War have never once met with His Divine Majesty without that hulking battle-scarred consort interrupting with muttered growls or scornful snorts. And the Ministers of Finance all flinch at the sight of that fox-faced one, rumored to have been rescued from the gallows because His Augustness took a fancy to his eyes or some such nonsense. General petition days are even worse, with practically the entire harem drifting in and out of the Grand Hall in turns, insouciant and smug like granary cats who know they’ve been given full run of the courtyards and barns.

It’s absolutely infuriating that the kingdom has never before known such a period of peace and prosperity under this ridiculous monarch.

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madilayn

Tag to this - the biggest secret is the Queen who runs the Kingdom’s spy network. It’s the envy of all the other Kingdoms around, and not a few nobles! Not ALL of the Kingdom’s Diplomats are spies. But many of their servants are. The Queen grew up as a neglected child, and she learned how servants are ignored, but who always know everything that goes on. Many of the spies are like the Queen - beautiful and seemingly vacuous. The sp[ies tend to have great fun, and also work closely with the Concubines

#everyone is furious when the king picks his bride #a minor princess! of a minor ally! she’s not even that pretty or smart or anything! #but at least when the king marries her he’ll have to get rid of his harem #or at the VERY LEAST stop FLAUNTING them everywhere #if nothing else her family will object to this insult to her honor

#BUT THEN

#somehow she’s befrIENDED THE CONCUBINES

#sometimes they follow HER around!! in public!! 

#the king and queen are  s h a r i n g  t h e  h a r e m

#never has the court been so furious and scandalized all at once #it’s a genuine shock to all of them when ten years later no one has even once tried to overthrow the royal family #(they’re wrong there have been no less than thirty attempted coups twelve of which nearly succeeded) #(but the harem and the spy network are VERY good at their jobs)

The king, queen, and their shared harem are also all really into BDSM, which means that they trust each other completely. There are no backstabbings or miscommunications in this court!

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Gay medieval shenanigans:

This is from The Quest for the Holy Grail by Chrétien de Troyes, translated by David Staines:

When [Percival] did see [the knights] in the open without the woods concealing them, and noticed the jingling hauberks and the bright shining helmets, and beheld the green and the scarlet and the gold and the azure and the silver gleaming in the sun, he found everything most noble and beautiful. [...] "Here I behold the Lord God, I believe, for one of them is so beautiful to behold that the others, so help me God, have not a tenth of his beauty." [...] They stopped and he [the knight] galloped toward the young man. Greeting him reassuringly, he said: "Youth, have no fear." "By the Savior I believe in, I have none," the young man answered. "Are you God?" "No, I swear" "Who are you then?" "I am a knight." "I never knew a knight before, and never saw one or heard talk of one," the young man said. "But you are more beautiful than God. I wish I were like you, so sparkling and so formed."

TL;DR: Percival sees a knight for the first time, and thinks he's so pretty that when the knight comes up to talk to him, the first thing Percival says is, "Are you God?"

That's maybe the gayest thing I've read in medieval literature so far. And I've read this:

There on the king's bed, they could see asleep, the knight. How the king ran up to the bed, to embrace this man, kiss him, a hundred times and more! --Marie de France, "Bisclavret"

Also @prokopetz was right, the real deal is Monty-Python-levels of weird and funny.

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Which Lord of the Rings characters say fuck:

Aragorn: definitely says fuck, and has to catch himself and tone it down when he becomes king

Boromir: yes. "They have a fucking cave troll."

None of the hobbits do; at least, not at first. Pippin picks up swears from Boromir, and Sam will swear under duress

Gimli: swears all the time, but mainly in Khuzdul. He definitely tries to teach Khuzdul swears to Legolas

Legolas: swears very rarely, and usually in Sindarin, which sounds so pretty that it goes unnoticed. Gimli often tries to goad him into swearing

Gandalf: knows all the swears, but doesn't say them

Galadriel: used to swear when she was younger, but that was thousands of years ago, and she no longer does.

Eowyn: swears constantly. every other word.

Faramir: swore once, and still regrets it.

Gollum: doesn't know any swears, but would say them if he did.

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friend-crow

Phases of learning about witchcraft, as I experienced them:

  1. Taking everything you're told at face value.
  2. Deciding you don't like/won't use/will change some of what you're told.
  3. Realizing that most of the historical claims you're reading are absolute bullshit. Everything is a lie!
  4. Getting more into actual history and rejecting anything tainted by historical inaccuracies. Folk magic!
  5. Deciding not to base your practice on actual historical accounts of witchcraft which were given under torture.
  6. Learning to enjoy useful bits of technique while ignoring related historical claims.
  7. Appreciating people who admit that they just made up/figured some shit out and there is no lineage associated with it.

In closing, you don't need the pretense of history to legitimize your practice. We can move beyond that.

This is so accurate.

I think I’m in phase 4 right now. Folk magic! The best keyword!

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