The host with absolutely nothing

it’s honestly crazy how many ppl u meet in your early twenties who have never been in love or been in a relationship or had sex and then you’re like oh it’s actually normal and social milestones actually mean nothing bc everyone is different and has different experiences. cool!

The whole concept of "late-bloomers" is just another semingly cute name for the the belief that people have expiring dates and only youth is worth it and I wholeheartedly abhorre it

Brain empty.... pussy thinking though.

this is horrible but its accurate .

I run a farm but the real filthy animals live in town

She’s not gonna put your balls in her hand and pretend she’s a merchant weighing a bag of coins bro.

I will, king

gluten free person: excuse me, but do you have any gf options?

me:

Frank Oz and Jim Henson ad-lib as Fozzie and Kermit in this test footage for the first Muppet movie, and honestly it's pure gold.

This is a professional shitpost roleplay.

I’m crying becuase this is something I’ve never seen before, something original of that era of the Muppets with both Oz and Henson working on one of my favorite movies, but also becuase this is the funniest thing I have seen in mONTHS.

This cat is doing her best 😂❤️

i don’t understand ppl who hate jock villagers...... they literally love u unconditionally..... it doesn’t matter what u do.... they’re just there to tell you how ripped u are....... they’re just drinking respect u juice daily and ur mad at them for it

im ordering all of you to be horny immediately

ok *blows really hard on my thumb and my bonner get huge* what now

sometimes u just gotta say fuck it and enjoy your embarrassing interest like you’re still living in 2012

people reblogging this being like “me watching star wars” or “me watching mcu movies” as if those aren’t some of the most popular franchises in the world. that shit isn’t cringey no matter how badly written it can be. watch supernatural or steven universe or know what the fuck homestuck is about and THEN you are allowed to reblog this post

mood for the past two weeks