Apparently this guy was at his mother in law’s house and they were all going through photo albums and he sees he photobombed his wife 11 years before they even met. I fucking love this.

on a list of dumb shit i know:

What else?

See, that’s what I do.. drop my jaw and scream.. it works really well..

There;s a lot to take in here but Houdini’s Ghost not responding to seances’s out of spite is my favourite :D

XD I can just imagine Mythbuster Houdini infiltrating séances and revealing the imposture as dramatically as possible

“I ACCUSE THIS MORTAL

THEY DIDN’T SUMMON ME I’M JUST HERE TO DRAG THEM”

apply for jobs you’re not qualified for! audit upper-level classes! get drunk with your TAs! see that poster advertising that lecture series? go there take notes and ask questions! thank the presenter for talking about this topic you love! if the class is full before you register, email the professor and ask if they can squeeze you in! RAISE YOUR HAND! tell the disability accomodation office to do their goddamn job! ask for help! file complaints! go to class in your pajamas and destroy the reading! you got this! you KNOW you got this! be arrogant enough to learn EVERYTHING! take your meds! punch a velociraptor in the dick! fear is useless and temporary! glory is forever! shed your skin and erupt angel wings! help out! spread your sun!

i had a really good morning! you deserve a really good morning! kill anyone who says you don’t and build a throne from their bones!

Oddly inspiring

muffled music plays from another room

A simple high school au where a grumpy drunk Edd meets Tom for the first time during a party, and Tord desperately tries to get Matt to call him by the right name.

Mild drug mention, mild alcohol mention. Based off a book, and yes it’s probably the book you’re thinking about. Tord is not even buzzed when he drives them all home btw, just don’t drink and drive. 

Two chapters

Pairings- Tom/Edd, Tord/Matt

- https://archiveofourown.org/works/11418366/chapters/25579929 -

This is quality

it’s march and like, you know what? that’s fucked up. literally, it was march this time last year too, and what’s up with that? like, a year has passed since it was last march, what the fuck ?

someone, at my apartment for the first time: wheres your bathroom?

me: end of the hall. if you see jeff goldblum, you’re in the right place.

No there’s just a giant picture of Jeff Goldblum in my bathroom

Things my brother has said to me since I’ve come out

Bro: You can’t say you’re pan if you’ve only dated cis-boys Jess..

Me: Then you can’t say you’re straight since you’ve never had a girlfriend

Bro: touche…

____________________________________________________________

Bro: so you like girls?

Me: yep

Bro: so youre gonna get a girlfriend?

Me: maybe

Bro: NOW I GOTTA COMPETE AGAINST YOU TOO?? 

____________________________________________________________

Bro: wanna bet on who kisses a girl first?

Me: sure… $10?

Bro: okay

Me: sweet…cough up the money because i already kissed three

Bro: WHAT?? WHO?? you whore…No but seriously who because we only have like 2 lesbians in our school….

____________________________________________________________

Bro: I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HEAR ONE MORE PUN ABOUT YOU AND KITCHENWEAR IM KILLING YOU

____________________________________________________________

Brothers friend: so your sister is pan?

Bro: yeah?

Friend: what’s that?

Bro: basically she’ll date anyone

Friend: think she’ll date me?

Bro: ew no, dude she has standered still..

____________________________________________________________

Bro: so…how was narnia?

____________________________________________________________

Mother: i dont want you going to (insert friend)’s house because you’re pan and they are too

Bro: shes 18 mom AND you had no problem with it before jess was out

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: and they’re both girls so its not like even if something DID happen she wouldn’t get pregnant or anything

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: just let her hang out with the one friend she still has

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *is complaning about something* Thats so ga- OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY IT SLIPPED

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *shows me a picture of a girl* do you think shes hot?

Me: ew no

Bro: I AM TRYING TO GET YOU A GIRLFRIEND STOP BEING PICKY WOMAN WE LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE THERE ARENT THAT MANY OPTIONS 

____________________________________________________________

Me: *is complaining to my brother about this dude on campus* -anyways hes so not my type

Mother: but youre pan and ‘youre attracted to everyone regardless of gender’ so you dont have a type

Bro: thats like saying because i’m straight i like every girl mom…she can be pan and have types you limp lettuce

____________________________________________________________

Bro: do you think grandma will freak out when she finds out you’re queer?

Me: hopefully

Bro: sweet…..can i tell her??

Me: no?

Bro: dammit…

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *is playing COD online in his room* Guys seriously stop saying the F slur

Bro: Seriously i dont care about your kill streak, i will shoot you

Bro: NO SCOPE! I warned you!

____________________________________________________________

Bro: you know what my favorite part of you being pan is?

Me: what?

Bro: you’re no longer grandmas favorite…now i get all the money/food

____________________________________________________________

Bro: aw fuck

Me: what?

Bro: what if you get a girlfriend one day and she breaks your heart? i can’t punch a girl! 

Me: no thats okay-

Bro: HOW WILL I DEFEND YOUR HONOR???

This is so sweet actually

@zaiyo

YOU LIMP LETTUCE

i dont have dishwasher soap so im using dish soap hell yeah

THERES SOAP EVERYWHERE

please help

What’s with the skeleton hand tho

mind your business

when you close a program but it doesn’t totally close

Babes at the beacho

So to summarize...

• LANCE UNLOCKS A NEW BAYARD UPGRADE • IT’S A FUCKING SWORD • (GIMME KEITH AND LANCE SWORD-FIGHTING PLEASE) • LANCE BEING OBSERVANT • CLONE SHIRO HINTS • ALLURA & LANCE FRIENDSHIP • ALLURA VALIDATING LANCE’S AWESOMENESS   • ALLURA OPENING UP A LIL ABOUT HER DAD • ALLURA KNOCKING LANCE FLAT ON HIS ASS WHAT A FUCKING QUEEN

MY CROPS ARE WATERED, MY SKIN IS CLEARED, AND I’M FUCKING SCREAMING INTO THE VOID, THANK YOU GOD!!!

he’ll sleep in a bed too big for one person again

wh… why did someone add the top of my head to this image…? how did so many people recognize it…? i am so concerned