here’s some advice for really horrible people ... (inaudible muttering)
-bret
4/10 damn! he’s a self made man! ....or some kinda being?.... eh he has no influence anymore -bret (on stephen king)
5:18am march 29
laying across from house where brutal murder occurred. frightening. my sister wants the window open bc the dog smell, i want that too but i can hear cars driving and the train. but the cars sound far and as though there are very few and as though they’re driving in slow motion, still cutting through air. i see a track like a nascar track, only it’s dark and lit by yellow street lights and the track is floating on black. gives me the same feeling Gorillaz gave me when i had first heard them as a kid.
it’s been a lot. i’ve stress eaten a lot. might not be stress probably something else. went to dinner with mom and didi. didi spoke mostly the whole time and really we did anything but catch up. i feel so distant from her now, sad considering what she used to mean to me as a kid. we talked about the mom of didi’s friend and the crime she did years ago when i had just started high school. i remember her coming to a birthday of mine. i felt sick bringing it up again over dinner.
ma told me abt really chaotic shit happening at work. her investment of 100k which i had no idea she even had the money (i’m guessing from the lawsuit). told me abt her junky tweeky boss thinkin abt stuffing his money in panama and running off to costa rica. i’m worried for her, hard to give her advice, i wish someone could help her.
been home watching movies with mimi. harry potter marathon. i’m genuinely so sad i can’t have magic or walk through the halls of high ceiling. so sad to grow up in las vegas.
the mushroom at the end of the world - tsing
the hidden life of trees - wholleben
word loop today: eavesdrop eavesdropped eavesdropping eavesdrop eavesdropped eavesdropping eavesdrop eavesdropped eavesdropping
-The Rise and Fall of the Fall of the Brown Buffalo
-Dolores
Mice movies:
-An american tail
-The rescuers
To read:
-Zadie Smith’s “Feel Free”
-Junot Diaz “Islandborn”
March 27. 4:10 am
“I don’t care how else you want to say it, corporations aren’t people, people are people” -obama https://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/
The more i keep hearing/reading “fresh air” the more claustrophobic i begin to feel.
March 26. 1:08pm
Just woke up everyone in diego’s house because the light in the room next door keeps turning on and off. I’m sleeping in diego’s dad’s room which has a smaller room to the left of it which is the weight room and inside the weight room there is a window which i assumed was the window to another smaller room and the light in that room kept flickering… you can imagine my hallucination/imagination. So i went to wake abe and kyle who were still actually awake. They were both pretty scared too. So abe had kyle guard the door to make sure no one escaped and me and abe went to wake up diego up from downstairs who was kinda hard to wake and i still had the froggy candy stick which abe had given to me as a weapon and i flicked diego’s lights on and off and he was all smiley but still half-awake and my eyes started watering reeeeaaaal bad which i never take as a good sign. But he finally crawled out of his blue and red striped cushions, in his boxers and went up to the room. We inspected it and found it was just a window to the backyard and the light was a motion light. So i was like “is there someone in the backyard, who would be back there at this hour?” and he was like “rick” and then wobbled back to bed. Funny thing is rick is actually in the room across from me. So a few minutes later i freaked a bit to abe, talking about how what if someone was out to kill Frank and climbed into frank’s room thinking i’m frank and accidentally kills me instead.
Now i’m facetiming mimi so she can protect me as i type this.
“pressure can turn shit into diamonds or diamonds into dust” -GTA
march 24
si’m four days behind god, subconsciously avoiding something. okay. worth mentioning: i’ve had a revelation (something i’m not sure i want to post here), hurt somebody’s feelings and continue to probably by not replying, also continuing not replying to someone i would like to reply to (talk to, see again someday), going to las vegas tomorrow. sold clothes outside the caf and made about 30 or more dollars. gonna start stealing more clothes and selling them to the calarts children. i think it’s funny someone i have mild surface level crush on is a juggalo.
in my head just now on loop is “those were the days those were the days those were the days” i dunno why and i dunno what days i’m referring to.
found laurie anderson’s “o superman”
scott walker “duchess”
been listenign to a lot of tupac and glass candy
axolotl by julio cortazar
from darcy’s valentines party on march 18, 2018 in pasadena
papillon