Let’s Talk About the J2 Rape Joke
Before I start, I’d like to say a few things. I have stanned problematic faves. I have defended actors who, in turn, proved that they were not deserving of that defense. I have been complicit in sexualizing male actors. It may have taken me awhile, but I have tried to learn from where I have gone wrong in hopes of doing better in the future. With that said, this is not going to be some holier-than-thou speech about how I know how to be a perfect fan. The goal of this is to open up a dialogue about recent events without finger pointing and fan or fave shaming.
Over the weekend, I noticed people were talking about a particular joke that Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles made at NOLACon. Some tweets I saw were outraged at his rape joke pickup line. Others were tweets that gave context to the scenario. Still others were purely in defense of Jared and Jensen as people. Today, I found that Teen Vogue had stepped in and written an article about this. While others have their say externally, it seemed a good time to sit down as a family and discuss how we’re feeling.
To be honest, the first tweet I saw was giving context to J2′s words. I found myself nodding along. “This makes sense,” I said to myself. I have been to three conventions and I have seen the audience goad the actors into saying things they may not have felt appropriate to say. The con world is a different place from reality. Con is a place where the line between cast member and fan are often blurred.
Consider the following example:
In Seattle, at autographs, Jared Padalecki cussed me out. It was the best moment of my con experience.
Now, that’s a really fucking weird collection of words, right? Like…who wants that? Now, we bring in the context:
In Seattle, at photo ops, I was so terrified due to my anxiety disorder that I found myself stuck in a spiral of “What the fuck? Holy shit” and I happened to verbalize those thoughts. By the time I got to autographs, I had calmed down considerably. I apologized to Jared for swearing so much during photo ops. His response was “What the fuck was that shit? I’m fucking pissed!” We both laughed, and I said “Seriously, though. Thank you for always being patient with me.” To which he responded “Any time, Doll.”
Context can mean absolutely everything in any situation, especially a con situation. So, after reading the context of Jared’s “Does this rag smell like Chloroform?” and Jensen’s “No, Mr. Cosby,” I felt more at ease about it. The boys were just being silly and letting the fans into their inner circle of “Boy Talk.” Moments where the actors say absurd or rude things can feel like you’re being included for just a moment and counted as a friend.
Even with context, this kept bugging me. Over the past two days, I’ve dragged it out of mental storage and chewed on it a couple times to figure out what was wrong. SuperWiki stated it really well on Twitter.
This is perpetuation of rape culture.
When we laugh at these jokes, we are saying they are okay. When we defend these jokes, we are saying we don’t mind them. When we refuse to speak up against this, we are saying that it’s not problematic.
And, maybe that’s not what we’re trying to say with our love and support of J2 following this occurrence. Maybe we’re trying to say “I love Jared and Jensen for the good they do in the community.” or “I love Jared because he always treats me like I matter to him.” or “I love Jensen because he can make me laugh whenever I’m feeling down.”
My friends and I have discussed this a lot today and come to one conclusion:
It’s okay to hold two opposing ideas in your head.
I am completely comfortable in saying “Jared Padalecki has always been kind to me when I have met him.” and “Jared Padalecki did a shitty thing by telling a rape joke.”
You can still love the shit out of your faves while admitting they have done something problematic. Calling out bad behavior is not being a bad fan. Most people (hopefully), call out bad behavior out of love. We want to see these men be successful, happy, and healthy. When we see them make decisions that hurt others and can potentially hurt themselves, is it loving to ignore it?
I don’t have any easy solutions to this. I’m not saying “UNSTAN IMMEDIATELY!” (unless that’s what you want to do) and I’m not saying you have to be 100% on their side, ride or die (unless that’s what you want to do.) The media is having their say, Twitter has erupted, and from where I’m sitting I felt we were starting to get overdue for a family discussion about this. It’s okay to have decided completely how you feel about this. It’s okay to be mixed up. It’s okay to not care. Let’s just try not to hurt each other while we figure out where we stand. <3