someone: hey what’s that thing you like???

me:

I think one of the worst things this site has normalized is the idea that sorting out disagreements privately in DMs is bad or creepy.

years ago my housemate made a bizarre callout post about me and when I messaged them like “dude what the fuck, can we talk about this” they posted that I was “attempting to mollify them behind closed doors” like some sinister shadowy manipulator

mutuals to be problematic queer representation with

[id: a tweet that reads “one time at a party i kissed someone’s girlfriend and to make sure he wasn’t mad about it i just kissed him too...i blacked out and woke up to a text in a groupchat with both of them that said “did u make it home safe baby? ❤️”. The user has been blacked out. /end id]

SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS IN-UNIVERSE

"I'm a writer" ok how often do you write

My favorite sister subreddit to r/twosentencehorror is r/thirdsentencehappy, where people have one sentence to redeem what just happened

not to be overly serious (lol) but if you're mad about these stupid new ""safe mode"" changes on tumblr's iOS app you need to be directing your energy towards apple because, realistically speaking, there is literally nothing tumblr staff can do about this lol. they've either gotta follow apple's rules or get their app removed from the app store.

but also this is just part of a way bigger and longstanding issue with apple's walled-garden approach to software where you can only get shit that meets their very specific standards and doesn't compete with their own proprietary apps AND if users make an in-app transaction apple gets like, a 30% cut or something insane. this is why epic games had that whole thing where they took fortnite off the app store in protest (and which iirc is still part of a big pending legal case that'll have some serious precedent based on its outcome.....?) so like. this is actually just one tiny battle being waged in a full-scale war of online content and access and censorship and yelling at a bunch of ragtag mobile devs on tumblr's staff will fix exactly nothing, I promise. so go complain about it to apple!!!!

actually, extremely relevant example because I just saw someone mention discord as an example of an app with nsfw content that apple does allow in their app store (which means clearly tumblr's just doing this on purpose), but here's the thing: discord got fucked by apple too!!! on this exact same issue!!!!

earlier this year discord announced that iOS users would no longer be able to access "mature" servers from the discord mobile app due to apple's content rules. it was a whole thing. apple walked back the restrictions ever so slightly (so you can still visit servers with "incidental" nsfw content as long as you opt in to a certain setting, although I don't an iphone so idk exactly what that looks like) but you definitely cannot access Big Jack's Bareback Shack on your iphone anymore and it is unequivocally apple's fault. discord was gonna get banned entirely on iOS devices if they didn't comply.

this is like the least-evil use of this image possible

what better way to explore the dichotomy of human experience

Feel like you guys would appreciate this tweet

[rapidly summons and banishes my demon friends for enrichment]

"She loves it. I bring out the silver bell and the yew wand and she just scampers over to the binding circle. Can't get enough of it."

alright let's talk about Apple and Tumblr's current predicament. If you don't know already, I used to work at Tumblr as an iOS engineer. Though I keep in touch with current staff at Tumblr (what little that are left that I know) I do not have picture of what's going on internally. The banned word list is absolutely perplexing and I can only theorize why tags like 'long post' are banned from appearing on iOS. What I can do is give you a peek into how the Apple App Store review process works, so you have an idea of the hell that Tumblr staff is dealing with right now.

op i want to thank you for being extremely open about a process that is completely opaque to i imagine the vast majority if not 99%, of all people using any of these products. this process is a nightmare lol. holy cow

....what a fucked-up system, when the judgement of a single relatively low-level (?) anonymous person with opaque quality standards and unclear regulations creates a situation that dictates the user experience for an entire mid-sized social media network.

I mean, I fully believe it; I’m just appalled about it.

everyone always talks about the updated autopsy report but nobody talks about how in the second game franziska shows the court a photo and is like ‘haha i know this was illegally taken and can’t be submitted as evidence but what are you all going to do, unsee it?’

every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again

and so it begins..

i was not fucking ready for this photograph

I’m NEVER ready for the fucking photograph, holy shit.

if you got like a 100kilo bag of glitter and opened it up and left it in the path of like a tornado i think that would be interesting. i dont care abt ecological damage btw

I do. 100kg bag of seaweed based glitter.

i dont. 100kg bag of enriched uranium based glitter

wait isnt uranium denser than lead how heavy would a 100kg bag of uranium be

thyrell.

just kill me

a hell of your own making