Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

another one

youre telling me a ham fisted this metaphor??

still amazes me that by season 45 or whatever, Supernatural was being exclusively watched by delusionally hopeful women with flamingo-salinity tolerance for bad writing and the creators still couldn’t pander to them because maybe there was 1 straight guy out there still accidentally watching it

Me, writing something at 1 am: Omg I'm literally a genius this words sound amazing I ate totally whith this one omfg

The writing:

the amount of timesss i stg

A young blonde girl from California in her late teens, who moved to Texas, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handy woman” and started canvassing a nearby up scale neighbourhood. 

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. “Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch” he said. “How much will you charge me?” Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”

“That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?” he responded.

The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those blonde jokes.”

A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already??“ the startled husband asked. “Yes,” the blonde replied, “and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $20 tip.

“Thank you,” the gal said, “And, by the way, it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus…”

guys I just found the greatest video on the internet

What did I watch

when you try to get into the png nightclub but you see the dotted rectangle surrounding the bouncer stretch him wider to block the entrance cus ur not on his clipboard

genuinely one of the saddest parts of this new era of the internet is how hard it is to rick roll someone now. with people's attention spans shortening so much, they wouldn't even get through the first few bait seconds before clicking off the video. like i saw a comment that ended with "btw i made all of this up" and the replies kept treating it so seriously because none of them finished the entire 4 sentence comment. and We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I (do I) A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me are you mad at me

You never have to worry about that, little one. If I'm mad at you, you will know because I will beat the fuck out of you. So if you aren't in pain, and I haven't promised you a punishment, then you know you've done nothing wrong.

And conversely, if you did do something wrong, you can be confident that I still love you. You'll apologise and I'll make sure you really regret what you did, then everything can be alright again

ok

Literally how God talks to Catholics

They used to say shitpost. I think I just got fucking demoted. what the fuck

my most regrettable decision turned 2 years old today