Words Hurt
“I don’t care, I’m not interested. I don’t love you back.”
You flinched at the words.
Jamil was staring at you with those intense charcoal-grey eyes. It was taking all your control to not break down in front of him.
“Oh…” your voice cracked and you haven’t even started to speak. You turned around without words, and wiped your damp face with your sleeve.
For a long time, you’ve liked Jamil. Loved. And today, you finally confessed. It was nerve-wracking. You were so anxious and jumpy all day, waiting for the set time felt like forever.
And he totally crushed your heart.
Your feet ran for you, guiding you away from the main street and back to Ramshackle. You couldn’t bring yourself to face him again, let alone actually speak.
Jamil just stared at you running away with his brows furrowed in agitation. Hands in his pockets, fists clenched tightly. He waited on for a bit, just standing there watching clouds go by until he was sure you had passed the Hall of Mirrors. He could spare the embarrassment for both of you.
Because you had pulled him aside after clubs, Jamil didn’t have time to change into his dorm uniform before checking on Kalim.
Kalim wasn’t in the lounge, so he should have been inside his room, studying.
That seemed highly unlikely. Kalim would always wait for Jamil, saying that it’s depressing and not fun to study alone. Jamil checked the kitchen, but it was empty and quiet. Kalim was rushing loudly down the hallway when Jamil caught his arm to stop him.
“Where are you going? You didn’t forget your textbooks, did you? I thought I left a note with you.”
“Oh! You did. My books are safely in my bag. Which is on my bed. See ya!” Kalim said and wiggled out of Jamil’s grasp.
“Hold on.” Jamil stepped in front of him “ Kalim, where are you going?”
“Which friend? You didn’t tell me you were going to see someone.”
“It’s a last minute thing.” Kalim explained. He looked at his phone again “I really really gotta go. Bye!” he sped down the rest of the hallway and out of the mirror before Jamil could catch him again.
It didn’t stop Jamil from glaring at him, though.
You were desperately trying to contain your sobs. It wasn’t like anyone could hear you, the woods behind campus were dense and thick. But if you didn’t stop bawling your eyes out, you might never be able to. Everything was suffocating and blurry. It might have been because of your glassy eyes, but even the air felt heavy.
“I’m sorry for being a mess. I’m not used to...well, this.” you said, trying to keep your tone as even as possible. You’ve never had your heart smashed into a million pieces before, and didn’t know what to do.
“You have nothing to apologise for. I’m the one who pushed you to confess.” Kalim smoothed your hair as you buried your face in your knees. You were hunched up on a big flat rock, Kalim sitting beside you in the clearing. “It’ll all be okay. But I really thought he felt the same. I’m sorry, Y/n.”
“We were getting really close too…” your voice shrank as you said the words. Even if you wanted to be friends with Jamil, there was really no way to come back from your declaration.
Not like he cared about you, anyway. If he had, even the tiniest bit, he would have been gentler in your rejection.
Jamil’s fists clenched again as he listened to your heart-rending cries. Your confession really had been real, and he was a fool for not believing it. Not the other way around. Jamil had jumped to conclusions. He thought that he was an obstacle for you to get closer to Kalim, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. You couldn’t be closer.
Kalim was the one comforting you and giving you a shoulder to lean on when it should have been him. Kalim was the one to tell you to confess.
Maybe if things were different. Maybe if he didn’t serve under Kalim and always shunned away from light, he would have accepted your feelings instead of ripping them apart.
But Jamil had picked his twisted brain over his longing heart.
