Bloggin' Hoe

I’m gonna pin this post for anyone who’s curious to see what I look like and what kind of music I listen to 👼🏻🦋❣️🧚🏻‍♀️✨

Damn, I realised I missed tagging my 31st and 32nd birthday posts as “birthday”, which is a shame coz they go down aaaall the way back to 21. I did a casual scroll myself just now and the two things that struck me the most were;

1. Having a white blonde bob at 22 (always forget that was one of my ~eras~), and

2. How I was living at 21.

Granted in early May 2012 I had been a swer a mere 2 months, had lived in Sydney for a just a smidge over a year and it was my first time living out of home in a place that wasn’t a boarding house or a university campus. Plus…you know…I was 21. I was more interested in pills and partying than I was home decoration. But the photo in my bedroom is a bit grim, haha.

For almost 9 months I lived in a kinda gross flat in a kinda gross suburb, my only furniture being a single bed, a desk and a white plywood wardrobe. All of these I had had since childhood and had been provided to me by my parents, driven down to Sydney on the back of a ute. And to the best of my recollection I was like…content with that? Or at least it wasn’t something that gave me any real pause or caused a desire for change. I think the thing that finally spurred me onto buying a queen bed was wanting to fuck guys at my own house tbh, haha. And I believe the bed was built for me by a dude I had a random hookup with, who I met at the break of dawn in the local shopping centre car park and took back to my place, only to task him with assembling ikea furniture. I also believe he didn’t assemble it correctly and I myself neglected to buy slats, something I inexplicably just dealt with. Good grief.

Sometimes when I look back in retrospect I’m like…oh yeah, I FULLY understand why so many thousands of people were gripped reading about this insanity lmao. I had more money than brains (or interior design nous clearly) WAY more confidence than I probably deserved and a quite frankly unparalleled level of candour. In a way I’m kind of glad I didn’t do any overseas travel in that period because I absolutely would’ve ended up dead in a tragic and dramatic way. And I still came pretty close as recently as America in 2017!!

I was speaking to my friend last night over dinner and he said…Lizz…I think sometimes you forget everything you have been through in the entirety of your life and don’t give yourself enough grace in the times when you’re not feeling 100% yourself. It’s been a LOT. At least it’s been kinda fun tho!

Being the pious woman I am, I have allowed myself the luxury of taking today (Sunday) off (not my bday tho, go figure). I did post some pics on OF however, if that piques your interest! So evidently I can’t fully slow down, haha.

I have another 5 day work week upcoming and I feel I have definitely settled into that rhythm. I am making peace with the fact that not every week will be like this one — I made half of my regular monthly income, which is absolutely fkn bananas — but you gotta be in it to win it right!! The more you’re there the more you’re making, even if they’re not all $1000 shifts. And if they are…all the better.

So aside from snapping some very winter-vibey comfy cosy pics, I’ve filled in my time doing some online shopping and trip planning. Due to inclement weather in Sofia last year I didn’t get to do everything I wanted (and some of the things I DID do were kinda miserable, like bolting from Vitosha Blvd to the palace museum in the pouring rain with no umbrella), so my list includes more outdoorsy stuff. I am also kinda interested in doing a day trip to Skopje. In ‘22 before I pulled the plug and missed out on Bulgaria the first time round I wanted to do a day trip to Niš, but I’ve been to Serbia now so I’m kinda meh on that.

As I think we all know, my top three fave things to do in Europe are visit museums, wander around gardens and meet a cute boy (or boys hehe). The meeting of boys often leads to doing things I wouldn’t typically do as a tourist and they end up being my more treasured and important memories. So as long as I fill my quota of those things in each city I think I will have a lovely time.

On Thursday my psychiatrist asked me what motivates me and after a while of pondering, I realised…I’m eternally excited and curious about who I will meet and what music I will discover. That might sound vapid idk but truly those are the two things that spur me on the most. What new people will come into my life, with whom I will share a unique and special moment? What will I listen to that I love? And as a close third, what ‘fits will I curate and feel sexy and cool in? I don’t really want for much.

Anyway to achieve all those things I must continue to flog myself professionally, but that doesn’t bother me. As I grow to be quieter and more private and introverted, the majority of my social interactions come from being at work. It’s nice. To be paid to be complimented and have my back stroked and be a little escape for someone for an hour or two is pretty mad tbh. I’m always a little leery of leaning into the happy hooker trope TOO much, but I do enjoy being a sex worker.

Wow what a mixed bag of things to write about haha. All my most important daily musings wrapped up neatly in one update. Bye!

Feeling significantly less pathetic about being at work today coz I had another $1000 shift 🥳

^ what the caption says 🥰🩷

One last look as a 32-yr-old 💐

Happy birthday to me? I just got the wrong Uber eats order and ended up with $80 of food and a full refund.

On a more positive note!! I booked my accommodation in NL so now it’s just Brussels to go, plus my flight from PL to NL and my flight home (which I CANNOT put off til the last minute like I did last year and then pay for in the most literal sense, haha). Also trains from Warsaw > Poznań > Wrocław and a train from Rotterdam > Brussels, but those ARE things I can leave til the last minute. PKP intercity doesn’t even let you book til a month before your journey so I have no choice but to kinda forget about that for now.

Pretty much all the big things are organised and it seemed almost TOO easy this time. Probably because I’ve done this all before and probably because I’m only there for a month this year. I still have over 2 months til I leave so I guess now all there is to do is continue to flog myself at work and research fun things to do that I didn’t do in ‘22 and ‘23. Now as long as my suitcase doesn’t get lost, I don’t get on the wrong bus and end up three hours in the opposite direction of where I was supposed to be going and I don’t accidentally take a set of Airbnb keys across an international border I should be eetswa!

So pleased that me being pretty much fully myself at work has led to having so many wonderful regs who love me for meee. Water finds its own level etc, and my level seems to be pretty great. But even when I think I conceal it pretty well, they ALWAYS pick when I’m a bit down or out of sorts and make note of it and ask if I’m okay. It’s obviously very sweet and kind but I REALLY do my best to be my most effervescent self and I then ruminate and worry that they will be put off by it. It’s great to be able to humanise yourself as a swer, but perhaps less so when the season is changing and you’re a bit lonely and your period is mere days away, haha.

I always feel very…exposed? When you guys hear me talk, despite the fact the things I write about are so much more candid and personal, haha. Here is the first winter fit of the season, ft. a VERY well loved 2018 era turtleneck.