Avengers High School AU
Clint: Here's a drink Pete
Tony: *takes solo cup from Peter* You idiot, he's underage!
Tony: *Chugs Peter's drink*
Clint: Whatever, I'll get him a lemonade
Tony: *Chugs his own drink*
Natasha: Steve I saw Tony heading for the janitor's closet
Steve, sprinting down the hall: NOT THE TOILET PAPER BARTON
Bucky: Would you like to go out sometime?
Bucky: I respect that. *Turns to Sam* would you like to go out sometime
Sam: Wait—but you just. What the hell man
Bucky: I'll take that as a no. *Turns to Clint* would you like to—
Tony: Did you hear about the fire in the chem lab?
Steve: Tony, what did you do
Tony: It wasn't me this time!
Tony: I mean I did text Bruce the calculations, it's not my fault he didn't see the decimal
Natasha: And that's why I transferred in the middle of last year
Sam: Isn't that like...a crime
Natasha: Nobody will believe you.
Sam: What? What do you mean by that
Natasha, disappearing into the crowd:
Sam: What do you mean by that?!
Steve: You know only the football team calls me that Peter. I'm not your Captain
Steve: I'm only 2 years older than you, you don't need to call me sir either
Steve: No just...whatever
Tony: Hey Bruce whatcha reading
Tony: Wow you're jumpy. You need to relax
Bruce: I don't think I've relaxed once since I met you but thanks for the advice
Clint: Do you think Thor was held back?
Sam: Naw man, he's pretty smart
Clint: But he looks like he has a 401k and a mortgage
Sam: Maybe it's a Europe thing, school is different there
Clint: Maybe. Hey Thor! What's up buddy, how's the wife and kids?
Thor: Ay? Um...well? And yours my friend?
Clint: Fantastic! Well it was good seeing you
Thor: Alright then, farewell
Pepper: Tony, stop flirting with me to make Steve jealous
Tony: Whaaaaat, I would never
Pepper: You very loudly told your table, which is right next to mine, "I'm going to go flirt with Pepper to make Steve jealous"
Tony: Well do you think it's working?
Steve, at Tony's table: No
Peter: The decathlon supervisor is already one of my references, and I tutor for Mrs. Warren's freshman class a lot so I have her too. I also volunteered at a special needs camp over the summer, plus I applied for this competitive course where you write a research paper under a university professor for junior year, and if I get it that will look really good on my MIT application. I just hope it doesn't interfere with my internship at Oscorp. What about you, what are you doing to prepare for graduation? Aren't college apps due, like, next month for you?
Bucky: Well my boss at Dunkin Donuts said he'd give me a reference. Chicks in the drive through always tip me well
Sam: Why'd you punch Rumlow!
Steve: Cause he was saying creepy stuff about Natasha!
Bucky: You shouldn't have done that man
Steve: What do you mean, he was being a total asshole, I don't care if I get detention
Sam: It's not him you should be worried about
Natasha: Rogers, that was MY punch to throw
Natasha: You think I'm some damsel in distress? Come here and I'll show you a damsel in distress
Steve: I, uh, gotta go *runs out the door*
Natasha: Which way did he go.
Sam: I didn't see nothin'
Bucky: Out those doors and to the left
Bucky: A true friend understands when the consequences are necessary *kicks Rumlow who's still lying on the ground as he walks away*
Bruce: What did the racing hot dog say when he passed the finish line?
Bruce: Get it? Like winner?
Tony: It's okay man, just stick to academics
Thor: I have one! A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi walk into a bar
Thor: HAHAHA, what a coincidence for them all to arrive in the establishment simultaneously!
*Everyone bursts out laughing*
Bruce: Oh come on, that wasn't even a joke!
Tony: See he has charisma. It's all about the delivery Brucie Bear
Sam: Wait, you're saying that the elephant toothpaste all over the second floor right before midterms was you?
Sam: But everyone blamed Tony. Even Tony's parents and the principal. The only reason he wasn't suspended was because the cameras were wiped of evidence, which was also blamed on Tony
Rhodey: Yeah you'd be surprised about how much stuff I do that Tony gets blamed for. Public image does wonders to create bias
Sam: What the hell? I thought you were the responsible one and Tony was your monkey on a leash. Why does he let you blame him?
Rhodey: Cuz he's a good bro. He gets to piss his parents off, I don't get kicked out of ROTC, and then we laugh about it afterwards
Sam: You evil geniuses...
Wanda: I want to get married
Natasha: Are you pregnant?
Natasha: Oh thank goodness. Wait, then why do you want to get married
Wanda: Because it's romantic!
Natasha: And the tax benefits?
Wanda: No! Well, yes that would be nice, but no! I want to be a stay at home mom and have a nice family
Natasha: Girl you failed home economics and your type is men who think calling you their "situationship" is making it official, why don't we focus on finding the vertex for now
If u like this vibe I have a domestic Avengers "in a timeline where Civil War didn't end in divorce" series as well: