TIL the first known case of “dying from laughing” involved the greek man called Chrysippus, who, after giving figs to his donkey, cried out “Now give the donkey a drink of pure wine to wash down the figs”, had a fit of laughter afterwards and died.

via reddit.com

pretty funny i guess

had to be there

Translation is always tricky, but I remember this slightly different:

Figs were an imported delicacy at the time, and the donkey just managed to eat them (without being given any on purpose). Seeing a donkey eating several times their own value in figs, the philosopher looked to his servant who might have been standing there either in shock, despair, or both, and said something along the lines of “Oh don’t just stand there. Get him some (undiluted) wine to wash the figs down with”. With (undiluted) wine also being an expensive drink.

I feel like that context makes it funnier. Basically like standing in front of your burning mansion with a butler, meeting their eyes, and telling them that you still feel a little chilly and ask them if they could put on an extra log or two.

idk what’s funnier, the burning house situation, or being the butler as you watch your master laugh so hard at his own joke that he fully fucking dies.

‘relationships are work’ means ‘you have to put effort into loving each other intentionally & learning how to love each other and communicating properly’ not ‘your relationship makes you feel stressed and sad most of the time & the other person disrespects you and treats you bad but you stay anyway’

and i think to myself

what a wonderful world

Any setting where the elves have weaker booze than the dwarves isn't committing to the bit

I mean, we're talking about people whose lifespan is Yes.

"Oh, the weak wine? That is for children. I am two thousand years old, and I daresay one sip from this highball would knock you on your ass for a week."

Look, there's this weird thing people do with high fantasy where they want elves to be immortal/extremely long-lived snooty aristocrats and also somehow incapacitated by imagining the taste of salt too hard. "Orcs and dwarves have the hardest booze" no they don't, they have work in the morning! In any of these settings, elves would pregame harder than hobbits party and everyone else has shit to do tomorrow.

The average high elf builds up the drug tolerance of a mid-70s Hollywood producer and then spends three centuries studying alchemy. While humans seek immortality, the Immortals seek the elusive "philosopher's cocaine."

Elf Fentanyl works exactly the way cops think human fentanyl does

Sue Sareen (British, b. Merseyside, England, based Nottingham, England) - 1: Cheerful Cat Rufford  2: Sleepy Cat  3: Curled Up Cat, Drawings

So, a couple of caveats and quotations from the above article:

HANAMUSA (JESSIExDELIA) MASTER POST

I probably should have started doing this forever ago but I wasn’t sure how long I was gonna stick with drawing these comics. But I guess we’re in it now! This will be continually updated~ EVERYTHING UNDER THE CUT

Keep reading

wild that this has taken off outside of wizard tumblr because the original context for this was that i trapped 30 thousand people in a maze

whenever i complete chores i get an achievement banner pop up in my head dark souls style

me realizing my experiences with sewing have been a lie this whole goddamn time:

I don’t know about human surgeons, but that’s a suture pattern I use to close skin all the time and you can see why.

The slip stitch (or invisible stitch) was created to hide seams and later used by surgeons.

My cousin is a surgeon and was sewing something and used that stitch and then froze and said “Wait this isn’t a person.”

Grandma said “We used it first keep going.”

remember not to embroider the patient

theres been a lot of activity lately in the Fucking Your Mom fandom i just thought id let you know. sorry you had to find out like this

?????

call me fandom spaces. the way im dominated by women

I'm glad you're sticking to your roots with the femdom jokes <3

anything for you, lesbian clone of me

Companies losing 30% of their stock value because some impersonator bought a blue checkmark and made one (1) tweet is the greatest thing Elon ever gave the world

Can you even imagine how funny it will be if a disgruntled CEO is the one hero who finally kills Elon Musk?

tumblr is gonna make more money off blaze, checkmarks, crabs, and shoelaces than it has under verizon and yahoo combined all because the users here have a sense of humour incomprehensible to most of civilisation. this website would spit on you before it'll buy something from an ad but by GOD does it know how to spend money on bullhit

curious. anyway,

lmao so Sam Bankman-Fried, the CEO of that giant crypto exchange that just collapsed was apparently famous for playing League of Legends during business calls which was impressive to venture capitalists for some??? reason so in an effort to add insult to injury someone dug up his ranking in League and found out that he's actually really bad at it and, just to rub salt in the would, that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of all people is *significantly* better than him

this all made even better by AOC's contribution to the thread