gryffindor: we’re out of eggs again!
hufflepuff: it’s okay, there’s cereal
[later]
gryffindor, throwing cheerios at slytherin’s house: this sucks
slytherin: god, if you're there, my name is stiles. if only one of us makes it out alive, please let it be me
ravenclaw: hey god, it’s me, raven. fuck slytherin
hufflepuff: did it hurt?
gryffindor: *rolls eyes* lemme guess, when I fell from heaven?
hufflepuff: you just broke your arm, gryffindor
ravenclaw: if you had to choose between gryffindor and all the money i have in my wallet, which would you choose?
slytherin: how much money are we talking about?
gryffindor: slytherin.
ravenclaw: sixty two cents.
slytherin:
slytherin: ill take the money.
gryffindor: SLYTHERIN!
gryffindor: hey, slytherin and i were thinking about getting a big paintball game together.
hufflepuff: oh, gryff, why does she want to shoot you?
gryffindor: she doesn’t want to shoot me.
ravenclaw: who doesn’t want to shoot you?
gryffindor: slytherin.
ravenclaw: no, that doesn’t sound right.
hufflepuff: *sits down* ahh, sitting down and touching warm rocks... that’s the life
ravenclaw: what are you, a reptile?
hufflepuff: what are YOU, a cop?
slytherin: we need to get through this door. ravenclaw, give me your credit card.
ravenclaw, handing it to them: here.
slytherin, pocketing it: thank you. gryffindor, break the door down
gryffindor: *runs into a glass door and knocks himself out*
slytherin: *turns around and speed walks away*
hufflepuff: hey, isn’t that your partner?
slytherin, hissing: shhh! lower your voice!!
hufflepuff: help! i promised ravenclaw is make dinner tonight but i can’t cook
gryffindor, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: and you thought i could help?
slytherin: i've only said "i love you" to three people in my whole life: my sister, hufflepuff, and a guy in a dark alley that i mistook for hufflepuff
hufflepuff: what do bees make?
ravenclaw: honey?
hufflepuff: yes dear?
gryffindor: what do bees make?
slytherin: some stupid annoying sound what the fuck do you want?
ravenclaw: i have very high standards.
hufflepuff: *trips over her own feet, drops a large pile of laundry, is unable to untangle herself from the clothes*
ravenclaw: oh my god she’s meeting all my standards
kidnapper: we have your girlfriend
slytherin: i don’t have a girlfriend.
gryffindor, over the phone: *voice breaking* you don’t?
slytherin: the stars are beautiful tonight
gryffindor: yeah
slytherin: you know what else is beautiful?
gryffindor: hufflepuff?
slytherin: hufflepuff
ravenclaw, on the phone: gryff, the worst thing you can do in these situations is take matters into your own hands.
gryffindor: got it. *hangs up*
gryffindor, to hufflepuff: looks like we’re gonna have to take matters into our own hands.
gryffindor: are you a thief? because you stole my—
slytherin: i'll give you your wallet back, i'm sorry
gryffindor: ...heart, what the fuck—
hufflepuff: it’s not gay if i want to kiss gryffindor but as bros, right?
slytherin: i'm not an expert but that seems pretty gay.
ravenclaw: i’m an expert. that’s gay.