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i can't believe Jesus just called me a dick!

@hereticalapothecary / hereticalapothecary.tumblr.com

Rowan or Bee, 30, Gemini. They/them. Ecclectic witch. Ex-evangelical. Tarot, restorative justice, spirituality. Hella queer. I follow from my main, beethehuman
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torque-witch

NEED A NEW LAPTOP ASAP SALE ✨

Seems my laptop battery is about to start melting my computer board, and I can’t have that as I’m using it for graphic design for other businesses as well as mine.

Looking to buy for $629+ - will probably put it on PayPal credit, but I am already using that for shop /vendor supplies pretty frequently. Even if I can get ahead of half the amount that would be super helpful!

  • $20 earrings shown above - free shipping within the US. These are clay, handpainted and glazed with stainless steel hooks. Limited quantities on each style/color.
  • The mushrooms come in darker red, red and lavender.
  • The bird skulls come in natural, pink and a few black & red.
  • Anything else in my shop I will take offers on - I prefer to checkout with my business Venmo so that your purchase is protected, and both of us save on the Etsy fees. Prices will be lower off Etsy regardless.

This sale DOES NOT include custom requests of any kind.

There are also a handful of small Hel Mary’s and cherub babies not listed on my site from my recent Oddities’s show I can send pictures of!

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Today's Take

The idea that:

  • practicing witchcraft
  • putting up protection spells
  • not putting up protection spells
  • communicating with spirits in any capacity

makes you:

  • more visible
  • more vulnerable
  • more prone

to:

  • potential attack
  • intrusion by baneful magics
  • malicious practitioners
  • evil spirits
  • demons

is an idea:

  • rooted in cultural religious bias
  • heavily influenced by pop culture
  • born of rhetoric meant to warn people away from witchcraft

This is a list of concurrent points, not an either/or or a multiple choice selection.

Discuss.

I think it also has to do with denying agency and not accepting or respecting boundaries.

Ooo, this is a really good point. Especially considering some of the discourse on the topic bears a striking resemblance to You're Making Yourself A Target By Dressing That Way.*

* In Your Pentacle and Pointy Hat

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aquaflv

really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite

yesterday she told me some story about the Buddha's wife and child and I was like. Wait. He fucked? And she was like yeah of course he fucked, why wouldn't he, he was the most attractive and loveable and and wise and etc. person who ever lived. why would he not fuck.

this morning she looked perplexed in the kitchen at me and said "did Jesus not fuck?"

I mean, he did. But it was monogamous and his wife was a literal sex worker before their marriage, but people like to ignore that fact.

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scoobycool9

If you ask the Roman Catholic Church, they will swear that the woman wasn’t his wife and he was a bachelor and virgin.

Guess it's time to debunk some conspiracy theories about Jesus.

(My credentials: I have a Masters of Divinity, which is a combination of Biblical analysis, Christian history, and some other odds and ends. I am not Catholic, and have never attended a Catholic school; my school taught using the standard academic texts about the Bible, not doctrinal assertions from any denomination or Christian group. Although my professors were all Christian, the Biblical and Christian history was taught the same way it would have been if an atheist were teaching it.)

There is absolutely ZERO evidence that Mary Magdalene was a sex worker. The belief that she was is based on a combination of Medieval misogyny (on several levels) and sex negativity. As for Jesus, the only evidence that Jesus was married comes from one fragment of a papyrus with shaky provenance that was probably written at least 200 years after Jesus' death (and probably later than that).

"But that's because the Catholic church suppressed everything!" Well, if you knew anything about the early church, you would realize that's nonsense on several levels. The Catholic church as we know it didn't exist yet. Until Christianity became intrinsically linked to the power structures of the Roman Empire in the 4th Century AD, authority was decentralized. Local areas governed themselves. They had bishops, but there was no central authority appointing them, it was "whichever priest or monk the locals think is especially holy and/or wise". There was no central set of scriptures that everyone agreed to, the central set of doctrines was still under hot debate, as were organizational structures and worship patterns and pretty much everything else. The Catholic church has historically done a lot of censorship and suppression of things it didn't like, but that begins in the Medieval era, when it had the power to enforce things, which it did NOT in the early centuries of Christianity.

Early Christians decided things like "which books should be in the Bible" with a series of ecumenical councils between 325AD and 787AD where hundreds of representatives from all around the Mediterranean and beyond came together and decided on things they could all agree on. When texts were not included in the New Testament, it was because only a handful of churches actually used that text. Not because a central authority told them to, because there wasn't a central authority. But because they didn't like it, or they knew that (despite it claiming to be from the first apostles) it was actually written much later.

We know a great deal about what texts the various early churches used because we've spent a LOT of archaeological time and effort over the last century excavating 1st and 2nd century Christian areas looking for texts. And then scholars worldwide spend years analyzing them to death. (Many of them are not Christian.) (Any translation of the New Testament made in the 20th Century is based on those archaeological manuscripts, not the ones sitting in the Vatican, btw.) We also have a bunch of letters from early church leaders where they discuss all of this. We know with a fair degree of certainty which texts (and which versions of texts) were earlier and which were later. In order for all of that to be wrong, somebody centuries later would have had to come in, dig up all of the archaeology, destroy some of what was there, and put it back so neatly that modern archaeologists can't tell things have been changed.

"But what if those early Christians were sex-negative misogynists who didn't want to record Jesus' marriage?" Christianity's hatred of sex didn't get codified until the writings of St. Augustine in the 3rd-4th Centuries; the early Christians would have had no reason to suppress that Jesus was married, and we have a lot of copies of the New Testament texts that date to the first and second centuries. Besides the Gospels itself, Paul spends a decent amount of time talking about marriage and families in his letters, and he never once even implies that Jesus might have been married.

Also the Catholic church is European. The great Christian power in the Levant, Turkey, Greece, and other areas that had large concentrations of Christians in the first few centuries of Christianity was the Orthodox church. So if there was anybody creating a conspiracy and altering things it would have been the Patriarch of Constantinople doing it, not the Pope in Rome.

In Christian communities, sharing stories, myths, and legends about Jesus was a cottage industry. Everybody was making up and sharing stories. Most of them don't seem to be designed to be taken as factual. The Gospels that made it into the Bible were the earliest ones, the ones that everybody knew dated back to the first generation of Jesus' followers. Those, they were careful about keeping accurate and copying precisely and upholding their authority. The other stories that got passed around were held to different standards--and that's why they weren't included in the Bible. Most of them seem to be designed assert what Jesus would have said or done in such-and-such situation, or in response to a particular topical issue, or just make Jesus seem like The Most Awesome Dude Ever. (It was sort of like fanfic. "wouldn't it be cool if Blorbo From My Religion had said/done X?" and it continued to be a major thing up through the late medieval period.)

So, with that background, where does the idea that Jesus was married come from? Mostly, it comes from The DaVinci Code. I mean, periodically people have thought "wow, wouldn't it be cool if Jesus were married?" but with no evidence or source beyond "wouldn't it be cool." Which also is the sum total of Dan Brown's evidence. People who believe it point to a single fragment of papyrus, written in Coptic. And that fragment is not believed to be a forgery but it doesn't have any provenance and there's a lot of mystery surrounding where it was found. And only a small handful of scholars have been allowed to inspect it. So like. It's shaky, at best. (Also, it wasn't publicized until 2012, and so cannot be the source of earlier stories.) We don't start seeing Christian texts in Coptic (an Egyptian dialect) until the beginning of the third century AD. So the very earliest this papyrus fragment could come from is about 170 years after Jesus' death, in a text written in a language Jesus didn't speak, in an area he never lived in. In a time where people were passing around all sorts of legends. Assuming that it is a genuine ancient text, it's still not very good evidence that it's relating historical sayings of the actual Jesus. The Bible mentions Jesus' parents and siblings, why doesn't it mention a wife anywhere?

Dan Brown made a shitton of stuff up for The DaVinci Code and its sequels. It is a great work of fiction, but it is fiction. The thing he's really good at is coming up with puzzles that tie into things people want to believe, and into various historical conspiracy theories. Please take everything he says with a boulder of salt.

So now let's turn to the question of "was Mary Magdalen a sex worker!" And the answer is no, she was not. You have to understand that there are a lot of women named Mary in the Bible, and lots of people conflate them. For our purposes, the other Mary you need to know is Mary of Bethany (sister of Martha and Lazarus).

In the Gospel of John, Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. In the next chapter, Mary of Bethany (Lazarus' sister) anoints Jesus feet with oil, presumably in gratitude for her brother's resurrection.

In the other three Gospels (Matthew, Mark, and Luke), there is also a story about a woman anointing Jesus' feet, but she is unnamed and pretty clearly not Mary of Bethany. She is a sinner who washes Jesus' feet in gratitude for having been forgiven. The context of the story--and the way Jesus talks about it--are completely different. But historically, people would go "eh, all women are the same, right? so this unnamed woman has to be Mary of Bethany" despite all the differences in the text and context.

So then we come to Mary Magdalen. Mary, we are told, had seven demons cast out from her and after that became one of several wealthy women who paid for his and the disciples' bills (this is a patronage relationship, and doesn't imply anything sexual--wealthy people in those days would regularly subsidize teachers they liked. Lydia, for example, supported Paul in his ministry, as did several other women he names in his letters.)

But the medieval Catholic church looked at this and went, "well, all women are basically the same woman, right? Mary Magdalen and Mary of Bethany and all the other Marys (except Jesus' mom) are all the same woman, pretty much. So therefore, Mary Magdalen anointed Jesus' feet, and therefore she was publicly known as a sinner. (Despite the fact that a) Mary Magdalen didn't anoint Jesus' feet, and b) Mary of Bethany, who did, wasn't publicly labelled a "sinner") And also, look at those seven demons that were cast out from her, that's GOT to be a reference to the Seven Deadly Sins, right? (which were a medieval fabrication, not found in the Bible.) And the sin of women is lust, so therefore Mary Magdalen was controlled by lust and therefore she was a prostitute!

And in addition to the fact that there is zero evidence of this whatsoever, there's the fact that the vast majority of sex workers in the ancient world were desperately poor. She would not have had the money to sponsor Jesus and his disciples if she was a former sex worker.

As someone who believes that sex work is work and should be legalized (and that sex workers should be unionized and have legal protections), I'm not saying this because I think her being a sex worker would be a shameful thing. I really like all the modern theology about "Jesus hanging out with sex workers." I wish it were true! But it almost certainly isn't.

tl;dr: Jesus almost certainly wasn't married, Mary Magdalen was never a sex worker, and Dan Brown is a fiction writer not a historian.

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Friendly reminder that:

  • The concept of starseeds promotes ableism by minimizing or denying ADHD and autism.
  • The ancient astronaut hypothesis promotes spiritual colonialism and destruction of other cultures by twisting other people's mythologies and sacred texts to fit their narratives.
  • The reptilian alien mythology is based on conspiracy theories historically used to justify oppressing and murdering real people. Loosh/blood/adrenochrome harvesting is just repackaged blood libel.
  • New Age mythology is chock full of repackaged right wing conspiracy theories, the same kind pushed by QAnon.
  • It's also full of repackaged racist pseudoscience about genetic superiority/inferiority and the function of evolution.
  • Ascension to 5D was supposed to have happened back in 2012, and the prediction failed.
  • New Agers are recycling their predictions over and over to catch new waves of people who don't know the movement's history.
  • Belief in Atlantis is strongly motivated by white supremacy.

For more info, see:

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Yarrow

Achillea millefolium

Known as: Allheal, angel flower, arrowroot, bloodwort, cammok, carpenter's weed, death flower, devil's mustard, Devil's nettle, eerie, field hops, gearwe, green arrow, herbe militaris, hundred leaved grass, knight's milfoil, noble yarrow, nosebleed plant, plumajilo, seven year's love, snake's grass, soldiers thousand seal., squirrel tail, stanch grass, tansy, thousand-leaf, thousand weed, woundwort, yarrowway & yerw

Related plants: Is a member of the daisy family Asteraceae that consists of over 32,000 known species of flowering plants in over 1,900 genera within it such as chamomile, coneflowers, dahlia, daisy, dandelion, goldenrod, lettuce, marigold, mugwort & sunflower

Parts used: Leaves & flowers

Habitat and Cultivation: This hardy plant is native to temperate regions of the Northern Hemisphere in Asia, Europe & North America

Plant type: Perennial

Region: 3-9

Harvest: Harvest yarrow when the blooms only when they have fully opened. It should be cut right above the leaf node to encourage the plant to potentially flower again. Many choose to harvest the flowers in the late morning when the dew has dried before so that the plant is not stressed by the extreme heat. Hot, dry spells right before bloom seems to be ideal for producing the most fragrant leaves.

Growing tips: Plant in an area that receives full sun to encourage compact growth and many flowers about 1-2 feet apart. In partial sun or shade, yarrow tends to grow leggy. Yarrow performs best in well-drained soil. It thrives in hot, dry conditions; it will not tolerate constantly wet soil. Loamy soil is recommended, but yarrow can also be grown in clay soil as long as it does not always stay saturated with water. While this plant is technically considered invasive only in noncultivated settings, common yarrow still needs to be planted in an area where you don't mind proliferation. 

Medicinal information: Yarrow has a history of being used for fever, common cold, hay fever, absence of menstruation, dysentery, diarrhea, loss of appetite, gastrointestinal (GI) tract discomfort, and to induce sweating. Some people chew the fresh leaves to relieve toothache. Yarrow is applied to the skin to stop bleeding from hemorrhoids; for wounds; and as a sitz bath for painful, lower pelvic, cramp-like conditions in women. Some people chew the fresh leaves to relieve toothache.

Cautions: Yarrow is commonly consumed in foods, but yarrow products that contain a chemical called thujone might not be safe because it is poisonous in large doses. Yarrow is not recommended for use during pregnancy or chestfeeding as it causes risks of miscarriage. Yarrow might slow blood clotting. In theory, taking yarrow might increase the risk of bleeding in people with bleeding disorders. In some people, it also might cause skin irritation & is toxic to cats & dogs.

Magickal properties

Gender: Feminine

Planet: Venus

Element: Air & Water

Deities: Achilles, Aphrodite, Cernunnos, Faeries, Oshun & Yemaya

Magickal uses:

• Add the flowers to a satchet or dream pillow to encourage prophetic dreams

• Hang a bundle above your bed on your honeymoon night to ensure lasting love for 7 years

• Place across your thresholds or plant near doorwaysto prevent negative energies & influences from entering your home

• Burn as an incense before or during divination to increase psychic abilities

• Wear as an amulet to attract love, friendships & give courage

• Place yarrow under your pillow & if you dreamt of your love, it was a positive omen. If you had a bad dream, or dreamt of other people, it wasn’t

• Combine with mugwort as tea to drink before divination to increase psychic powers

• Put near yourself while practicing divination to increase your psychic abilities

• In spells, use to re-establish contact with long-lost friends or relatives & attract their attention

• Braid into your hair to tap into inner wisdom

• The I-Ching divination was originally performed with dried yarrow stems

• Wash crystals& crystal balls with a yarrow rinse to bring about clarity of vision

• Drink yarrow tea & a cinnamon stick to  release hidden truths

• Place on a coffin or grave to help the spirit cross over/ let go

•For powerful protection, pick yarrow flowers and charge them in the sun. Once charged, take the flowers and sprinkle them outside your home to prevent negative influences and energies away from entering your home

Sources:

Farmersalmanac .com

Llewellyn's Complete Book of Correspondences by Sandra Kines

Wikipedia

A Witch's Book of Correspondences by Viktorija Briggs

The Encyclopedia of Natural Magic by John Michael Greer

Wild Witchcraft by Rebecca Beyer

Plant Witchery by Juliet Diaz

A Compendium of Herbal Magick by Paul Beyerl

The Herbal Alchemist Handbook by Karen Harrison

The Book of Flower Spells by Cheralyn Darcey

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I know Hera isn’t often associated with citrine, but to me citrine is very much something I associate with her. Golden color? Check. Stone of joy and happiness? Yeah that tracks for my relationship with Hera.

Boosts confidence? That’s like my bread and butter with Hera. Anyway there’s some nice personal gnosis of Hera association.

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Random Witch Tips

  1. If you're going to use a mortar & pestle, invest in one that is stone/metal. Wooden ones are more common and accessible, but they're kinda shit from my experience. They don't last as long, they're not nearly as strong (seriously, the one's I've used couldn't pulverize fucking dried rosemary, c'mon), the wood can splinter off and contaminate your product(s), and then there's bacterial issues if the wood isn't properly sealed, which can also be an issue if the sealant/protectant begins chipping into your product.
  2. Make sure you're actually going to use something more than once before you buy it. Do you really need that cauldron, or can you use a metal pot instead? Do you really need those crystals, or can you enchant a stone or something else to serve their purpose(s)? Do you need a fancy wand or can you use a twig or a pencil? Money doesn't grow on trees, but apples do. Are you buying something to use or to have? To be a tool or a decoration? (No hate if you want it for aesthetics)
  3. Try to use old kitchen spices for witchcraft. Use newer spices/herbs for cooking; you'll get more of the flavor. Before you go shopping for an ingredient for magic, look in your pantry/spice rack. Use what you already have there, especially if they're older. Get newer spices to cook with. And don't be afraid to split ingredients between cooking and crafting; it's literally fine. Watch out for cross-contamination and you'll be ok.
  4. Fabric is more useful for pouches that will be kept in the pocket, tight spaces, or traveled with. Bottles/jars are more useful for workings that will remain stationary, or those that contain liquid elements. Tiny charm jewelry bottles can work well for subtle/hidden magic. Use peat pods (decompostable flower pots) for workings that are to be buried. Do not throw workings into lakes, ponds, rivers, streams, or the ocean; that's littering and is damaging to the local ecology.
  5. If you don't have space (or items) for a physical altar, digital altars are limitless. Make one in ms paint or photoshop; make a tumblr blog or pinterest board; make an altar in minecraft, animal crossing, dreamlight valley, skyrim, or whatever. Some might say it's cringe, but it saves space and gives you more freedom with design and items without costing much money.
  6. Don't make a travel altar if you're not going to travel. Trust me. It'll sit in your closet or your desk or under your bed and just never get used. The water will dry up, the salt will clump, and the oils in the incense will end up eating through other things. If you don't need it, don't waste time and resources making one. You can plan them and design them all you want though, it's fun. But take it from someone who's done it more times than they should: they're useless if you're not actually going anywhere. (I plan to make a post(s) all about this when my spoons allow it)
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Looking for blogs to follow and or mutuals to discuss practices with !! I'm also open to exchanging discords!! :)) Anyone who posts original content about or practices;

• Luciferianism / Satanism / Demonolatry

• folk magic / folk Christianity

• death work / necromancy / vulture culture

• animism / nature spirits

• ancient Mesopotmanian polytheism

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Fucking hate ai bitches this shit is poisoning my search results just like that tumblr baby crow post fuck y'all for real

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fleshdyke

LITERALLY LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP. IS SHE NOT GOOD WNOUGH FOR YOU

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zoreta

The baby males will practice their tail display with little hatchling feathers! They also get 'top knots' which will develop into adult crests!

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i was so fucking sad when i was 14 and now when i fold my laundry or see a pool of moonlight on the floor of my bedroom i know that miracles exist. i see love in everything. love sees everything in me too

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25% off the entire shop, no minimum order to qualify, from April 15-May 15 2024

[image id: trade offer meme edited to fit dndapothecary's sale: a man with long brown hair and dressed in a blue suit with matching tie has his fingers steepled. The text above him reads Trade offer. I receive: money to pay the IRS you receive: smelling so good everyone falls in love with you. /end id]

umm you don't just get to leave these tags in the tags, and then when I go to your blog to see if you've got a shop so I can promote it and NOT LIST A SHOP

super rude, how am i supposed to support the homies when you don't support yourself??? HM? riddle me this, batman.

ANYWAY if you've got a shop send me a message about it and I will reblog it

[image id: screenshot of tags on a tumblr post that read: #i use these guys' soap a lot and they're the ones who inspired me to start making some too!!! go support them they're awesome!!!!!! #absolutely love their stuff!!!!! /end id]

Oh my gosh that's so sweet thank you!! Sorry I didn't see this earlier, funnily enough I was away from my phone making another batch of soap lmao! It means a lot to me to hear this from y'all because I've been using your stuff for years and you've been a huge inspiration when it comes to trying out new crafts!! I've only just recently started making soaps and bath bombs so my scents are on the more "basic" side right now since this was kinda my practice round, but now that I've got it more figured out I'm excited to start experimenting more with my scents when I get the chance!! :]

But completely seriously everybody, DndApothecary is SUCH a great shop and if you enjoy wonderful smelling soaps, lotions, and perfumes I can HIGHLY recommend them!! I've tried a ton of their scents and every single one has been beautiful!! Or if you just like dice they're also a great shop for that, bc they've got a ton of soap options with DnD dice included!! Every interaction I've had with them while I've been buying from them has been just lovely and they're really sweet!! I would definitely recommend supporting them if you get the chance, they're one of my favorite shops out there!!

Please go and support LichesGetStitches because that's so incredibly amazing that I have inspired you and also I really hope it takes off for you!

Wishing you so much success and love! I am so honored.

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Friendly reminder that:

  • The concept of starseeds promotes ableism by minimizing or denying ADHD and autism.
  • The ancient astronaut hypothesis promotes spiritual colonialism and destruction of other cultures by twisting other people's mythologies and sacred texts to fit their narratives.
  • The reptilian alien mythology is based on conspiracy theories historically used to justify oppressing and murdering real people. Loosh/blood/adrenochrome harvesting is just repackaged blood libel.
  • New Age mythology is chock full of repackaged right wing conspiracy theories, the same kind pushed by QAnon.
  • It's also full of repackaged racist pseudoscience about genetic superiority/inferiority and the function of evolution.
  • Ascension to 5D was supposed to have happened back in 2012, and the prediction failed.
  • New Agers are recycling their predictions over and over to catch new waves of people who don't know the movement's history.
  • Belief in Atlantis is strongly motivated by white supremacy.

For more info, see:

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