Anxious
Pairing: tasm!Peter Parker x gn!reader
Summary: you have trouble being vulnerable, but Peter wants you to know it's okay
A/n: this one cut deep personally...also my asks are still open for requests!! See my pinned post for rules and fandoms I accept :)
This is why you hated running errands alone.
The bustling crowd seemed so focused and organized compared to how awkward you perceived yourself to be. You tried to ignore the thoughts pointing out your every physical and social flaw by repeating the grocery list in your head.
Milk, eggs, cereal, and waffles. Milk, eggs, cereal, and waffles.
You kept your eyes down, but scanned the store so you didn't accidentally bump into someone or something like the oblivious klutz you were. You were convinced everyone was looking at you; judging you. You were wrought with embarrassment, heat creeping onto your face. It felt as if you had shrunk inside yourself, and your body was much larger than it actually is. Your heart pounded in your chest as your breathing sped up. As you placed items into your basket thoughts continued to float in the back of your head.
I'm in everyone's way. The way I'm walking is so weird.
You kept pushing them back and eventually made it to the self-checkout. There was no way you were going to an actual register.
Not long after, you got back to your car, calming yourself as much as you could before driving home.
You were always like this, so anxious and self conscious. Terrified to be a bother to someone or come off as weird or annoying. You tried to become as “normal” as possible in hopes people would like you better, but you always got the feeling that they still hated you, even when most never said that they did. From there you became cold and distant, only letting certain people see certain sides of you, but no one could see you as you were now, meaning you had to pull yourself together before reaching the apartment.
You and Peter were roomates. Although you kept everyone at an arms length he found a way to break through the barrier. Or you let him? Either way it wasn’t surprising, peter was just the type of person everyone loved.
You made it home and were climbing the apartment stairs as you rehearsed your words and actions in your head so Peter wouldn’t think anything was wrong.
You opened the door to Peter on the couch with his computer, likely researching something. He turned his head towards you wearing a smile.
“Hey, Y/N.” He said.
“Hey, Pete.” You managed to reply.
You thought to yourself.
Okay now just to my room.
However, before you even stepped off of the doormat Peter turned back to you.
“Where are the groceries?”
You froze where you stood. You were so concerned about trying to stay cool you forgot the bags in the car.
You idiot! You insulted yourself.
Your body was stiff like a board, face hot, and hands clammy as you began to explain.
“I forgot them in the car. I’ll just-”
Peter cut off your almost whispered words with a light chuckle that made you more nervous.
Was he laughing at me?
“It’s alright, I got it.” He said.
When Peter walked out you booked it to your room. You sat on your bed holding your body wanting to become as small as possible. As you scolded yourself tears began to form in your eyes, you were so overwhelmed.
Peter's knock at the door snapped you out of your thoughts and panic. You blinked back the tears and sat up straight before answering.
"Yeah?" You said, cringing at how your voice trembled.
Peter opened the door and looked at you with a mix of concern and confusion.
"You okay," he asked. "You seem nervous."
You bit the inside of your cheek and averted your eyes. After clearing your throat you attempted to shoo Peter off.
"I'm fine." You lied.
At this point you seemed to be okay, you forced your eyes to focus on him, and your voice back to its monotonous state. However, Peter saw through your facade, you were picking at the skin on your fingertips.
"No you're not, Y/N."
You wanted to tell him you weren't, but you couldn't let yourself. Your frustration with yourself was beginning to boil over, so you did what you always did and targeted it at others.
"Yes I am. Now, go away Pete." You said annoyed.
Peter crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. He may have never said anything but he was very aware of your defenses. He wouldn't go away no matter how harsh the cold wind of your words were.
"How long are you gonna keep up the tough guy façade," He raised an eyebrow; you furrowed yours in anger.
He wounded your pride and you couldn't think of any response.
"It's okay if you're not okay, and it's okay if you don't wanna tell me, but you have to get yourself to accept that."
From there you felt words rise up your throat, and you couldn't stop them even though you desperately wanted to.
"But it's so stupid; it doesn't matter."
Your eyes took an interest to the floor; you swore you could hear your heart it beat so hard.
Peter sat down next to you.
"It's not stupid, it's your feelings, and they definitely matter."
You had so much more to say but did want to or know how. Thankfully Peter picked up on your discomfort and grabbed a hand that sat in your lap, rubbing a thumb across your knuckles.
"Stop acting so strong, Y/N, I'm not gonna judge you, I love you." He smiled softly.
You slowly turned to Peter, nerves starting to ease.
"I love you too."