Inventor of Flaccid Soda, I Guess

guy sitting in front of me in class was vandalizing wikipedia and i kept reverting his edits as soon as he made them and he couldn't figure out why it was happening

absolutely

One time my rabbi told us, “imagine you had a box with a little bit of god in it. What would you do with the box?”

So we were like ?? “We’d protect it and keep it nice and clean and polished” and he was like “your body’s that box. Stop eating markers”

Every time I come across this post the last sentence smacks me in the face

Buying a car

English added by me :)

doesn’t rhyme, taylor!

btw: if you reblog this poll, feel free to explain your answer in the tags or the reblog!

*about to call mutual by name* *checks their bio* *i remembered their name correctly* *starts writing the post* *deletes it and checks the url again* *stares at url telling myself i know their name* *checks their bio again and i was still right* *writes post* *drafts it so i can check one more time before posting*

living in 3024 over here

Oh she thinks she’s the plusherrrrr

AAAAAAH HOW DID SHE DO THAT

gordan ramsey said this on kitchen nightmares and it blew me away so i took a screenshot but amazon prime app censored me and handed me this work of art

ghosts and demons: 

Shane: (ง︡’-‘︠)ง

the only bad part about going to the zoo is hearing adult men confidently tell their kids or gfs objectively incorrect information about the animals we’re looking at and having to remain silent. do u know the restraint it takes to say nothing when a grown adult man tells someone “falcons are in the same family as eagles” next to me? no babygirl. no.

fyi falcons are not closely related to other birds of prey (hawks/eagles/buzzards). falcons are actually parrots that minmaxed for a glass cannon dps build.

assault parrots, if you will

elliott, youre so real for this

Kabru: