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Grrr Bark Bark

@cryptidcalling / cryptidcalling.tumblr.com

TRANSPHOBE = BLOCK -- PfP by lichenthr.py - 20 - She/her - Bi/polyam - Occasional nsfw/suggestive posts
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Teeny follow-up to my last Vesper Post in the tags, gonna discuss the BDSM side of stuff bc it’s kinda become an inseparable part of Vesper and Pansa’s dynamic. Nothing explicit!

#My last post is LONG so tiny summary: Vesper’s shitty childhood gave him severe abandonment issues#as well as an inescapable anxiety every time he’s in an emotional situation he can’t control#And it left him with this mindset that if he stops being valuable he’ll also stop being loved and Pansa (and everyone else) will abandon him#Summary done#It definitely plays into why he likes Master/Servant and punishment so much in BDSM#As well as being a brat#A lot of the M/S stuff is just him getting rewarded for his efforts which makes him feel safe#He likes all the rules and strict discipline because it removes uncertainty abt what’s expected of him#and also it proves that Pansa pays attention to him even when he ‘misbehaves’ and gets punished#being able to misbehave or fuck up and get punished and have everything be forgiven#helps reassure Vesper that he’ll be loved and not abandoned even when he’s not perfect and useful#He likes belonging to someone because it means that Pansa gets to decide whether he’s worth keeping and not Vesper#I know that sounds counterproductive but listen#It works because Pansa will ALWAYS affirm that he’s worth keeping. Every single time. Whereas Vesper seeing his own worth as variable.#Plus it forces Vesper to view himself through the lense of someone else’s desire.#He may not think he had ought to take breaks. But Pansa does and Pansa decides what happens to HIS General. So Vesper takes a break.#I dunno if I’m making sense but trust me it works#Vesper tag#Pansa tag#not proofread bc I’m on mobile so I can’t edit these#OH also submitting requires him to relinquish control despite the anxiety that gives him#so he’s put into a lot of situations where he’s not in control but then everything turns out OK#Obv hes also just. INTO these things. But this post isn’t about the arousal part so much as it is the emotions part.
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squeakitties

i make a lot of posts to the tune of "you're allowed to be horny btw" because it's becoming increasingly clear that adults being sexual in (clearly marked and blockable!) spaces is being stamped out and made out to be evil both legislatively and in the moral zeitgeist, especially among younger folks. not even in the "wait to be a horny adult online when you're An Adult" way, just an ingrained puritanical outrage response to *anything* that isn't chaste wholesome perfect all-ages allowed. it's unnerving and scary.

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sketiana

ill spend my twenties investigating the healing properties of salt i dont know about you guys

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protectspock

excuse me

Sorry op. That's my friend the Salt Vampire from the Star Trek episode "The Man Trap" which first aired in 1966. Blessings be upon you.

its just i dont feel blessed by its presence is all. sending love your way

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Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.

Yes, nonblack people can reblog. I'd appreciate it, in fact, if y'all took the time to vocally support your Black friends/fans in fandom.

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Doing some OC comparisons bc it’s what I do:

Fen needs to be wanted, and he won’t settle for less. He knows the value of his companionship, and understands what healthy love looks like. He doesn’t get angry or blame people if they’re not committed to him that way, he just knows how to not commit back.

Vesper needs to be needed. It matters a lot to him that he is objectively not replaceable, and that his value come from his actions and abilities. He doesn’t really understand the difference between needing someone and wanting them, he assumes you must want people you need and vice versa.

Cosmo wants to be wanted. He’ll settle for being needed, if that’s what keeps him in the group, and he tries very hard to be helpful because his value has historically come from how useful he is. But what he really desires is to know that he’s being kept around because people want him, not because they need him for something.

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Dude I don't know ANYTHING about Bg3 but like. Just aesthetically? Emotionally? I think Cosmo and Shadowheart should be some sort of pair. Best friends, lovers, odd co-dependent queerplatonic partners, I dunno. They've both recently managed to free themselves from literal actual cults, like nature, and prefer peaceful solutions. I think they'd develop some kind of extremely dependent bond bc they've both lost their entire sense of purpose and have found one (1) other person who like... Gets It. Two very sad amnesiacs who I think deserve to be happy together.

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Hmm, thinking about Pansa and Vesper <3

I mostly talk about fluffy domestic stuff or Vesper's personality and motivations. Hence, the action tends to kinda fall to the wayside. Still, Vesper's often away from the Citadel (oftentimes he's off planet entirely) handling field missions which can get really dangerous and physically demanding. Thankfully he's got plenty of tech and rations so he doesn't really have to use survivalist skills like hunting or making shelter from scratch, but military field work is still military field work at the end of the day.

That being established, back to fluffy domestic stuff lol: Vesper doing a lot of that real-life (dangerous) hard work is part of why Pansa likes him. Pansa adores spoiling his partners. If that's all he wanted, then he could find thousands of other partners easier to spoil. He and his mother have been presented with an uncountable number of letters and propositions for him to marry dukes, duchesses, princes and princesses, nobility and royalty of all varieties. All beautiful, all who would love being treated to the vast wealth of the Emperor of the ESR. Vesper's not exactly easy to lavish. He gets caught up in roles and ranking. Being the general is considered nobility in the ESR, but Vesper still perceives his role as that of a soldier rather than a bureaucrat. Someone with a lot of important responsibilities, but who will never really be worthy of luxury the way someone born into nobility is. He's a soldier, comes from nothing, one who gets his hands dirty and so would taint any pristine luxury not meant for him. So, he often resists. Insist that he's fine, and that he really doesn't need that much. He rarely asks for things that aren't essential. Hell, even Vesper's more comfortable clothes and pajamas are gifts from Pansa, because before he'd just wear the standard-issue military garments he's always worn. When he does get gifts he reacts reservedly and humbly, not showing off or calling attention to it.

And Pansa likes that about her. A noble partner would be easier to spoil, would show more outward delight at the gifts, but they'd rarely appreciate the value. At least in Pansa's opinion, it's just something they'd expect. He doesn't doubt that they'd appreciate it of course, but his gifts wouldn't be anything very impressive. For other silver-spooners, they'd be par for the course. Vesper is different.

Pansa likes that spoiling Vesper really means something to her. She knows the precious value of his gifts because she knows a life without wealth. He likes knowing that the grime on Vesper's skin is being washed away by expensive soaps, and that those creams and body butters Pansa insists he use are actually doing something for his rough and scarred skin. He likes presenting Vesper with a huge expensive meal after he returns home knowing that it's the first proper meal he's had in weeks. Likes knowing that when Vesper goes to sleep that night it'll be in a huge, plush, comfortable bed that's much larger than he needs, curled up like a little stray kitten that Pansa's brought in from the cold.

Her going out regularly on field missions does worry Pansa. He cares about her safety and will always be nervous about her getting hurt. But he also likes knowing that she's not going to get too used to constant wealth. Even when she could be handed everything on a shining golden platter, she's still determined to keep getting her hands dirty.

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