i don’t know if anyone remembers me on here because it’s been LITERAL YEARS but hi i might start tumbling again. whoops

jesus christ coming back here is like stepping back into the worst version of myself in some ways this is like when i go back to my old twitter lmao

my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.

the lads

These are the boys you crack open a cold one with

Coach’s new Space range is so beautiful and expensive we could cry 😥✨🚀

i’m looking for a sugar daddy that is willing to buy me anything i want and doesn’t request anything sexual in return hmu

the best Depression Thing is wanting to be healthier so u drink more water but. alas. now you have so many cups/plastic water bottles in your room. who’s gonna clean that up??? not gonna be me

on a completely unrelated note all of you are invited to my Cup Fortress

are the guys in the sonic commercials a couple?? they’re always on a date, they’re always getting milkshakes together

These almond cookies are very aggressive.

I’m not crying you’re crying