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my blood is 90% coffee

@nonielb / nonielb.tumblr.com

obsessing over fictional characters to fill the void in my soul
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my favourite thing about big dogs is when you push ‘em over they’re just like 

“oh i’m lying down now! someone might scratch my stomach!!! i might nap!! endless possibilities!!!’

Whereas you push little dogs over and they’re all like “Vengeance! Death before dishonor!”

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my lesbian farmer gf or, as i like to call her, my crop top—

my lesbian electrician gf or, as I like to call her, my power bottom

thank you for the best comment i’ve seen in my fucking life

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aurora-who

my gamer girlfriend, or as she likes me to call her in the bedroom, my nintendo switch

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artaline

human: *is heating up food*

alien: why are you doing that?

human: you see i want the particles in my food to vibrate at just the right frequency

Human: *is eating ice cream*

alien: wait you forgot to make that one vibrate!

human: well, you see, not with this food

This one is already vibrating at he desired frequency, but if it starts to vibrate at a higher frequency I lock it back in the cold box.

Human: *just reheated pizza in the oven*

Other human: *is eating a slice of the same pizza, but cold*

Alien: *exasperated sputtering*

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Anonymous asked:

What do you think of the "revenge bad" tropes frequently found

it actually pisses me off sooooo much when characters are like "ohhh but if i hurt or kill the bastard who made my life and others' a living hell i'm just as bad as they are!" like grow up and shoot him what are you catholic

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"but i'm too good to kill anyone! :(" i'm not. give me the gun.

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Toddler accidentally cursed himself into an identity crisis today.

He’s been crossing stuff out with chalk. He asked me to write his name for him, crossed it out, and had a panicked meltdown because he thought it meant he didn’t exist any more.

Every hour or so he asks me “am I [his name?]” and wants reassuring hugs.

I’m enjoying the implication that he was perfectly delighted with arbitrarily erasing things from existence until it affected him personally

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pervocracy

When someone disagrees with you online and demands you prove your point to their satisfaction by writing a complete and logically sound defense including citations, you can save a lot of time by not doing that.

Bro, I’ve known you for twelve seconds and enjoyed none of them, I’m not taking homework assignments from you.

This got a lot of responses from people pointing out that evidence is a key part of intellectual inquiry, discourse, and debate.  That being able to support your beliefs is a key critical thinking skill.  Which is 100% true.

Except that you don’t actually have to participate in intellectual discourse any time some fucko on the Internet tells you to.

There’s a vast difference between “this is an important thing to be able to do,” and “this is a thing that you must be continuously available to perform in public for any stranger who asks.”

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