emma amalie

after I watched fnaf it was like omg. I can't go to bed freddy fagbear will be in my closet

guess who just made another horrific typo

fathers casually dropping the craziest lore of their lives in the middle of a conversation

eat your dinner, son. there are children starving in sweden because they wanted to play at their friends house

texting my coworker “hey! how are you feeling” and reading it 40 times to make sure i didn’t accidentally type how are you sex cum penis ass cum porn 1080p hot cock

this is immensely funny to me

your pal says something mean about a fat person in shorts this summer you SAY, "oh so they're supposed to get heat stroke because of your sensitive ass?" (fat people deserve to wear weather appropriate clothing)

you're getting ice cream with your friend and they make a comment about the fat person eating an ice cream cone you SAY, "oh then I guess you don't want ice cream, let's go." (fat people don't need to earn food even for enjoyment)

you're at the beach and a fat person is laying out and your dad says something rude about it you SAY, "I think they look comfortable. It's good they're getting some sun. I bet they work hard all year for this vacation." (fat people deserve to appear in public)

telling a someone you like their stretch marks does NOTHING for fatphobia and will NEVER make your friends and family think twice about their shitty learned hatred.

no little german boy don’t go into that amateur beatboxing competition!

oh mein gott this room is full of bootzenkatzen

i swear to god NOTHING makes me more pissed off then when everyone is like “oouheuehghoughough ough [thing] is so good it’s a classic you’ll love it” and they say it SO OFTEN that you resolve on principle to loathe [thing] with your entire being but when you actually get around to experiencing [thing] it literally IS That Good. physically trembling with rage at the fact that hamlet actually is one of the best plays ever written. DIE

me when shakespeare plays actually DO have modern-day relevance and universal themes:

Not to self diagnose but something is wrong

we all need to collectively unlearn the idea that certain achievements (i.e. graduating college, getting a job, moving out, etc) only count if they’re achieved by a certain age or within a “normal” time frame.

going through life at your own pace does NOT equate laziness or failure.

accomplishments don’t have an expiration date.

look at this beautiful new planet discovered by a 17 year old three days into their NASA internship

love is stored in the cow!