I Got You

Dd/lg and me... There is a lot of interesting (for me) aspects to Dd/lg dynamic, like being spoiled and taken care of, watched and seen, and of course, disciplined when needed, again, as a result of being watched and seen.

What woman doesn't want to be a little princess with two pigtails for a change? Ok ok, I know, many don't. But I've never been one.

It's the being taken care of. That's a big carrot for me, even just emotionally. To hear the three magic words. "I got you." Is there anything more important than that??

Some things like diapers and pacifiers flatly turn me off. I know, don't yuck someone else's yum, just not my cup of tea.

I'm neutral to stuffies and colouring books. But hey, a big stuffie to sleep with when he's away on the long business trips does seem like an alluring idea. My colouring book is already there, doing endless Spanish lessons on Duolingo. Good for the brain. And good to quiet the brain.

But it's pick and choose, right? Just like anything else in the big old Kink-mart. As long as both patners agree on the rules of the game. And one says to the other, "I got you."

@sccwriting

My Sir is the most wonderful Dom I’ve ever known. He is trustworthy, caring, intelligent, funny, and makes me feel safe. I love listening to him talk about the things he has a passion for. I’ve learned better communication skills and more about my submissive side, not to mention all the other tidbits of knowledge gained through conversations. The most romantic thing has been feeling heard and understood.

@sccwriting

There you go!

Joking for the sake of stalling Spanking for the sake of crying How to explain the calling Truthfully, without lying

Need for pain and need for kneeling Matched with power and will Thrashing that unleashes healing Kicking high or holding still

Letting go, not letting down 'Hurt no harm' is not a game Longing for the words that bound Willingly submitted, tamed

Sweat or tear on lacy eyelet Giving lashes takes its toll Long and hard to blissful scarlet There you go, baby doll

As always, when a new story just brewing in my head, I turn to poetry. Do you like reading or writing poetry? What about the buzzwords? Which are your favourites? #3RHwriting

PS tagging @sccwriting

Coffee, a Love Story

PROMPT: Reflect on your daily life and describe in detail an everyday activity that you have ritualized. (Submissive Coffee Club @sccwriting)

One Friday morning in 2013, less than a month after we met, MzRhythm asked if I'd like to get breakfast. We sat at breakfast for hours talking. And of course, she drank coffee the whole time. As we sat, I was watching her make her coffee (mind you, this was diner coffee in small cups) and counting how many sugars and creams she was adding to it. I had decided that the next time we were spending time together, I was going to bring her coffee. I had no idea then how important coffee is to her, but I suppose I must have had an inkling.

She was moving that weekend, and I helped with that on the Saturday. Then, on the Sunday, I stopped at 7-Eleven for a slurpee on my way to her new house and decided this was my chance!

I would go on to get her an XL coffee from 7-Eleven with the amount of cream and sugar that she had put in those little diner cups of coffee. I brought it to her with so much earnest, and she graciously drank the whole damn thing.

Daily coffee service began on a later day in 2013 or 14 when I wanted to infodump things to her the minute she woke up. She said to me "if you want to have conversations first thing in the morning, you need to bring coffee with you." and then she proceeded to teach me how she likes it.

Over the course of the last decade, I have brought her coffee in bed, at work, on roadtrips, and beyond. I have learned new ways to make coffee, from french press to keurig to pour over, etc. The thing is: I don't like coffee, so the brewing of it has become an exact science on my end.

Coffee Ritual

Our usual daily ritual is done with k-cup pods and an extra large Dunkin mug with a straw. Here's how it goes:

At this point, the ritual is complete. I may depart the room and tend to things going on in the house or sit with her while she wakes up and tell her about my day/concerns/joys/developments/etc.

Reconciling Expectations

That first 7-Eleven coffee set the stage for where we are today. When something is important to someone you love, you want to be a part of it, and MzRhythm loves coffee. But I struggled greatly with expectation around coffee.

"I like to be helpful!" I had said at that first breakfast together (in regard to helping her move). I meant it then and I continue to feel that way to this day. But having the expectation of doing something the same way every day has been a challenge for me.

There was even a point in the recent past where daily coffee service was out of our lives entirely. That was a dark time in our marriage and D/s.

There is part of me that wishes I could just make her coffee and leave it next to her and walk away, knowing that it is exactly right (it isn't always, because I get distracted sometimes) and that it is appreciated (I need the expression of satisfaction to feel fulfilled). But for us, anticipatory service leads to mismatched needs and wants. Acknowledging that has led us to ritualizing certain service tasks (like morning coffee).

As she has taught me how she likes things to be performed and I have learned and weighed in on needs or wants that I have around each type of service, we have worked together to make rituals like this one that allow us to tap into some of that programmed service. This way, we can use the rituals as tools to bring us closer rather than being hung up on every step of the service dance.

I am still learning HOW to perform different types of service. But I find so much fulfillment in knowing that I have followed her directives exactly as she wishes them to be performed. And the words of affirmation from her after fill my service well in return.

Fall Writing Index

This writing has been part of my effort to write everyday from the autumn equinox to the winter solstice. Find the rest of the writings in this series here: Fall 2023 Writing Index

Happily Submit

Forgive and forget. Let go. Don't dwell. Don't recite all my wrongdoings till the cows come home. Don't blame all of our failures on me. Don't yell at me. Control yourself first. Own your mistakes.

Lead. Take responsibility. Make me feel safe and secure. Protect me. Watch me. Don't let me go by myself after dark. Don't encourage harmful habits.

Laugh with me. Read with me. Watch me dance. Leave silly notes for me. Cook with me. Share a meal not food.

Don't put tomatoes in the fridge. Don't try to sneak a pair of black socks into the white laundry. Change that lightbulb without a gentle monthly reminder.

Tell me, I got you. Call me a good girl. Take care of me like no one else before.

Braid my hair. Pull me onto your lap. Hold me tight. Fall asleep with me. Kiss my forehead in the morning. Check on me. Don't let me drop.

Look me in the eyes. Hold my chin to look into yours. Touch me for no reason. Pin me.

Buy me an almond croissant once in a while but not too often. Make me presents that money cannot buy.

Listen to me. Support me. Inspire me. Lift me up. Don't refer to anything I'm into as crap or bullshit. Believe in me. Cheer me up. Root for my success. Be proud of me. Cherish me.

Accept me for who I am.

Then, I will HAPPILY SUBMIT. And scrub that damn kitchen like the BOH at the end of the service... #3RH

PS Yes, it's so much easier to pour my heart out to complete strangers in hope that maybe, just maybe, my words, this instruction manual, will make a difference in someone else's life.

PPS That’s Ralph Marvell and Samantha Woodley on the picture, and the still is from a Shadow Lane video (thank you, Erica, for identifying). A famous photo, popular in the community, mercilessly cropped by yours truly (unintentional pun) in order not to get nuked over one picture. No, I will not DM you the original. What, you haven't seen enough red bottoms already?

Tagging @sccwriting @amysubmits @cherishedproperty @lexiesdarkthoughts @tinyfistsofdoom @maidenlreland @his-english-rose @notnumbersix @willow7rosenberg I will be honoured, if you will spread the word. Not tagging any D-types on purpose, but you are more than welcome to reblog, if you agree.

SCC Prompt Set #24

Happy Friday everyone!

I hope you’ve had a fantastic week! It’s been busy but it’s FINALLY warm here so I am ok with the hectic life. It just feels so good to feel the sun on my skin. 

Thank you all for taking part in the SCC. For anyone new - the SCC is open to anyone who identifies as a bottom type (even if it’s not all the time) and wants to share their thoughts, experiences, questions and suchc with other bottom types. It’s easy to participate, just write a post and tag it with #sccwriting or submit the link to me. You can write on one of the prompts or on any other topic that is on your mind. I love all of the conversations that the SCC has sparked, it really is a lovely community. 

Many thoughts about Sir get me hot. Thinking about submitting to him and being his. Wondering what type and how much pain Sir will feel like giving. Thinking about how amazing it feels to be fucked by him. His kisses. Featherlight kisses and warm breath over that one spot on the neck that raise goosebumps on my arms.

Yes, I’ve enjoyed times when Sir tells me not to cum. Oh, I may not always appreciate it right in the moment when I really want to cum but it’s been worth it every single time.

There are things on the kink and/or BDSM spectrums that may not be must haves but they’re not necessarily ruled out either. Maybe it’s part of getting older for some and deciding to try different experiences? Two things that will always be on my hard limit list are minors and scat play.

Immediately after I don’t need much but enjoy talking and being close. When I go through subdrop I like warm comfort type foods, a funny show/movie, and a blanket covering me.

@sccwriting

Corner time (Limerick #6)

I have a special permission from @sccwriting to post poems, especially positive and lighthearted.

For all limericks click here. Don't be shy, leave a comment on my main blog.

K is for This is Kink

I wrote this in April as a part of the A to Z challenge. Tagging @amysubmits here and @sccwriting. If any of you recognize yourselves, I have nothing but the deepest respect and admiration of what you share through your blogs.

My blog is only five months old, and I've been browsing through the kink blogosphere for a few months before I started posting. I read tons of blogs, tons of personal experiences. If I was an observer back then, I was a keen observer.

Let me tell you one thing I learned. Labels don't mean a thing. There is a reason why so many despise labels. No Venn diagram, with the spanking as a cornerstone of it, will ever define all the possibilities. Labels are boxes. People do not fit in them.

Every relationship is different. Exceptions are everywhere. I will start from the most extreme ones and work my way to the mildest.

Masters marry their slaves in romantic ceremonies. Slaves sleep in cages and are used (yes, that's the term) daily, but punishment is extremely rare, and pain is not a goal. Properties are loved and cherished and sometimes served breakfast in bed by their owners. DD/lg (Daddy Dom/little girl) does not necessarily envolve age play. Princesses get spanked too. Though everyone loves plushies and pictures of cute animals. Daily BJs are earned, not asked for. Respect is earned.

Strictest of D/s doesn't necessarily mean the most severe implements, some submissives just do not have the pain tolerance for that. Some use spanking only for punishment, while being a feminist in real life.

Some swear by both D/s 24/7 and DD (Domestic Discipline). While generally speaking, those who practice DD usually despise the connection to D/s as it's a part of BDSM. TTWD (That Thing We Do) is used as an umbrella for other than M/F relationships and spanking in general.

Those who do use spanking as a punishment admit that the reason is a pretend reason (funishment), and it's always serves as a foreplay. Then, there are those who just like the spanking by itself, and are able to separate it from sex completely.

Bratting can be encouraged and can be frowned upon. Spanking parties are good, but dungeons are bad. Positions as hard limits. Cane is evil but a necessary evil. Wood versus leather, thud versus sting. Belt gets extra love. Of course it hurts, it's supposed to hurt, doesn't mean it shouldn't be comfortable. Bring extra pillows.

Black and blue is admonished by some, and admired by others. Bruises and marks freak some out, or worn with pride. All shades of red are more than welcomed.

Now fantasies, that's a creature of its own. Those who do not practice punishment spankings, almost always fantasize about them, sometimes during the spanking.

But everyone is on the same page about the aftercare. Rubbing, hugs, kisses, sex, chocolate, juice, blankets, plushies, arnica, lotions, more rubbing, and favourite movies. Excellent!

Don't forget, Doms are people too. With all the insecurities and doubting themselves. Doms also have drops and need aftercare.

We are all a mess, one big sweet hot mess, whether you call it a kink or not.

This is us.

Click on the link for the full article: K is for This is Kink

A reply to one of @amysubmits prompts, because sure why not let me say things on the internet :) (also tagging @sccwriting)

Prompt: Share a recent story about a kink or D/s experience that was positive

Yesterday I went to the gym for the first time. I did a bunch of chest presses on Weenie Hut Jr. settings and did a mile on the elliptical, then headed home.

Our front door lock is digital and automatically unlocks when our phones get in range. Full of endorphins from my first workout, I went to open the door and-

The bottom lock was locked.

For no reason whatsoever this devastated me. I loathe that lock. It feels like a prank, like “aha see you’re NOT really welcome, subconsciously he wants to keep you out!” like a thousand horrible truths and revelations proving I’ve never been meant to be here.

I have no idea what’s wrong with me either, blame it on a bad childhood and a few violently terrible exes.

I was upset. He was upset that I was upset, because of course he should be, why would I think that about him?

I DON’T KNOW! My brain is getting better but some things still remain wounded.

We talked it through. We asked for and received forgiveness. No voices were raised and no tears were shed, and I will work on mindfulness.

@sccwriting @amysubmits

6/21/23

my hyper-independence.

bring in survival mode for as long as i can remember has created a part of me that if VERY hard to let go of. i’ve had to fill in the spaces where i’ve been let down pretty much my whole life. having to raise myself and constantly be the one who makes sure that i hand what i need and never being able to rely on those who offer help or support because the never follow through, or the half ass do and it’s only on the way that serves THEM best in the situation.

it took a lot of coaxing for me to come out of all of the layers of armor and protection that i had built around me, as well as the attitude of “don’t get comfortable, you’ll be let down eventually” when i met my Owner. that is truly my biggest emotional obstacle. my default is “i’m going to have to do this myself because everyone lets me down”.

so much of my life has been validation of confirmation of these feelings. and try as i might to chip away at the very strong defenses, even with all the work that W/we’ve done within O/our dynamic there are still bits and pieces of those thoughts and feelings that i can return to when things get hard or things feel unsafe.

in all of the ways i have surrendered, my biggest fear is always placing myself in someone’s hands and them dropping me when i get too heavy or squashing me like an annoying bug if i get to be too much. who would i subject myself to that when i can take care of myself right? also the fear of completely letting go and being abandoned in a position that i can’t take care of myself because i surrendered completely and i’ve been left with nothing. “i’ll take care of you” is sweet until they stop and you’re like what happened and all of a sudden you’re a burden and you ask for too much, etc. been there and it’s not great place. so why would i willingly do that to my again.

i understand logically that trust is the only way to move through it, and i’m aware that in order to submit fully in the way my heart desires i have to trust. but i have before and it’s been devastating.

that little but if me that feels like it has to protect me and my child(den) from any possible threat that i may think of is the thing is keeping me from being the wife and submissive that i want to be.

it’s something W/we’re working on, and i wish i were better at it. i want to feel safe a d supported and protected… i absolutely so most of the time. it’s the fear of the what if that gets me. hopefully with time and intent and trust, it’ll get better.

@sccwriting

Don't you dare to yuck my yum

@sccwriting Not sure if this qualifies as #sccwriting, it's not fiction. Thoughts, rhymed words about the same old - Don't yuck my yum.

C is for not the Cane

And that's all I have to say about Cane!

Oh, and the new trick I learned recently: instead of the regular six of the best, the five-barred gate. Gasp! That most dreaded stroke across the first five, crossing the lines, that is considered a cardinal sin by some and the intentional evil-doing by others. 

@sccwriting

Not sure if my writing qualifies as #sccwriting. I write mostly fiction. And when it's non-fiction, editorial style as above, it's usually light-hearted and not 100% serious.

Thanks for sharing, @three-red-horns! You are welcome to contribute to SCC. I will not reblog fictional works, but anything non-fiction, no matter how serious or lighthearted is always welcome!

Reality and D/s

When I first got into BDSM, I relied heavily on my research. I did a lot of reading and study. I also joined Tumblr a few years after delving in. The thing is, Tumblr really skewed my view of what a real life D/s relationship should look like. I would read other peoples' stories, tales, and so forth and felt that I was inadequate because my D/s relationships didn't align. I later learned it was an impossible standard to hold myself up to.

The stories and writing you see on BDSM are often centered around the perfect fantasy of BDSM. Those who write honestly, often write only about the good, not the bad. Every relationship is different. Every person has different desires and needs. Those don't always relate to our relationships and desires. The photos we see are beautiful, erotic, and great for giving ideas, but it doesn't always work out that way in real life. You have to balance the reality with the fantasy.

My relationship with Ahab is a prime example of this. We have a good relationship now, but a few years ago, we didn't. Ahab had health issues that we were not aware of, but those issues basically took away his desire and passion for me. He had no energy for sex, let alone the energy required for BDSM play. He tried. I tried. Every time, we were just met with failure to the point where we quit trying altogether. We stopped having sex. BDSM didn't even enter the picture. Additionally, we stopped communicating.

I am what I tend to call a needier submissive. I thrive on attention and affection. I like to hear praise and verbal reassurances. Some of this is due to some bad relationships along the way. Some of this is just because I like it and probably deep rooted in my little side. Being a submissive is part of my core. Without that, I often feel lost and alone in our relationship and my mental health takes a dip. Ahab can more easily compartmentalize things, especially when something larger is going on. It's not to say he isn't dominant when things are going on, it's just much easier for him to focus on other things when life is going sideways.

It's important to know that I don't blame him. Early in our marriage, I did and often. I couldn't understand what had changed. Neither did he. Our marriage was a constant place of frustration, anger, and resentment. Once we realized there was something going on with his health, we got a diagnosis and treatment and things finally made sense. None of it was because he didn't want me or love me. It was due to something much deeper that we now understood.

Years later, we are in a much better place after a lot of marriage counseling, reopening communication, dealing with Ahab's health, and putting a ton of work into our marriage. That's not to say we don't still have issues. There are times when Ahab's health issues flare and everything has to take a backseat. There are times when my changing hormones due to aging make it so that sex is the last thing on my mind. It's life and comes with both good and bad.

Recently, Ahab's health issues have reared their ugly head again, so we adjusted. We started communicating when we realized there was a shift in his health. Our D/s life isn't something we are trying to maintain right now because it's just too challenging with his issues. While there are times I feel a little lonely and lost, I am now able to remind myself that it's temporary. Ahab doesn't love me any less. There is light at the end of each tunnel now, which makes getting through the worst a little easier each time.

That's what relationships are. Give and take. It's especially important in BDSM. There are always going to be times when life wants to kick us around. Life is full of ups and downs. There are just flat out times when people need to take a break from BDSM for whatever reason. You are no less of a Dominant or submissive when this happens. You are a just normal person living a normal, albeit kinkier, life.

@sccwriting

“Violate” “Forced” “Past My Limits” Etc...

In my opinion, one of the most confusing parts of BDSM tumblr is the way that people use language differently when talking about some critically important things. 

For example, I see content like this:

“I love having my limits violated. I’m so wet thinking about Daddy spanking me past my limits. It doesn’t feel fun anymore, I start crying and it turns him on more, he forces me to keep taking it until I’m a sobbing mess.”

I (think) I understand what people usually mean when saying things like this. They’re saying they want to be pushed past what they can purely enjoy, to be pushed into a place where they are kinda enjoying it (perhaps they’re turned on by feeling overpowered or seeing their dom prioritize their own pleasure over the subs pleasure) but are also sort of not enjoying it (it hurts too much for them to just love the physical feeling). 

The details of what elements someone likes and dislikes can vary of course, but it’s not an unusual experience at all for kinky people to want to engage in experiences that aren’t 100% purely “I love everything about this!”. Dominance and submission as well as physical and emotional masochism often make kinky exchanges more complex than 100% pure joy or 100% pure hate. 

Perhaps it would do a lot of good to normalize referring to “consensual non-consent” in a lot more areas than “rape play”. Going back to the spanking scenario again - maybe you want to act like that you’re desperate for the spanking to stop - and maybe part of you kinda does want it to stop, but the overriding feeling is that you don’t actually want it to stop, you don’t actually want to safeword. Maybe you even like to say “no” or “stop” and physically struggle as you’re spanked, but you want those things to be ignored and you have an agreed-upon safeword that you would use if you actually wanted it to stop. I think it would totally make sense to refer to that as a form of CNC. I get that people are hesitant to use CNC because it’s associated with rape-play and other forms of CNC seem ‘mild’ by comparrison…but sometimes I feel like as a community we desperately need some clearer ways to communicate these ideas to avoid confusion over whether someone is consenting or not. 

If you are consenting to what is happening, or to this fantasy you’re sharing - I personally find it reckless to publicly say things like you “love having your limits violated” or even that “you hate doing X but your dom forces you to anyway.” At least, without including a disclaimer of some sort that this is a fantasy or that you have a safword that would be respected if you used it, or similar. Because without a disclaimer to make it clear, it’s sometimes really confusing where consent lies when you word things in ways like that.  

Consent is such a big cornerstone of what keeps BDSM safe. I am not trying to shame anyone’s kinks. But the language we use publicly has the ability to impact the minds of anyone who sees it. Do you really want new subs to follow you to think that it’s okay to have their limits violated? Are you really okay with putting content out there that makes consent unknown or confusing and may mislead other people just because you find the harsher wording more titillating? 

@sccwriting

More Imperfection / Real Life

May 2023 Note - this is a draft I never published from about a year ago. Fairly recently I posted something about imperfection in D/s, and yesterday someone was talking to me about meta-talks and it got me thinking about how we don’t really see examples of the somewhat awkward communication that has to happen in D/s sometimes…and it reminded me of this draft that included us walking through some incorrect assumptions and a bit of awkwardness that I could share for the sake of a ‘real life’ example. 

———-

We still miscommunicate sometimes. 

During sex CD had said some things to me that resulted in me laughing briefly and then moaning. I sort of forget the exact details, but I think it included things like “You just moaned while licking my balls.” and “You like helping me get off more than you like to orgasm, don’t you?”

When we were cuddling after sex he said he wasn’t 100% sure what that laugh/moan response was about, but that his guess was that I was laughing in shock/surprise and that I was a little embarrassed, but that I liked it. 

I gave a bashful, giggly response, I forget exactly what I said - maybe ‘whatt? No…” whatever it was that I said, I was clearly pretending he was wrong. This was my way of telling him he was right without having to outright admit it. 

I could tell he understood I was saying yes. He asked me to explain why I laugh. At first I playfully said I couldn’t tell him, but he said “It would please me if you told me…” which cut through my bashful mood and made me want to try to give him a good answer. 

So I took a moment to consider it and then tried my best to explain. I said I’m not shocked, exactly - because I always know from the tone of his voice when he’s going to say something to embarrass me, but it’s still just a bit…overwhelming. So the laughter is out of feeling a bit overwhelmed, not in a bad way but it’s just intense so I need release, and it comes out as a laugh…but then after I get that release from the intensity, I’m able to just feel the pleasure which causes the moan. 

He said soon we’d try doing it but without me being allowed to laugh. I gasped, in a silly way “I can’t though!” 

“You won’t have a choice.” he said. 

Anxiety hit me and I fell quiet. I knew he wouldn’t say that if he knew I was seriously worried about not being able to do that. I knew my silliness made him read it differently than I meant it. He asked what was wrong. 

“I really don’t know if I can not laugh.”

“You don’t think you can try it?” he asked, genuinely curious, not pressuring. 

“Oh, no! I could try! I just got worried that I’ll fail.”

“Well, then we’ll just try.” He paused briefly.  “That won’t make you feel dominated though, will it?”

I explained that anytime I do something uncomfortable for me to try to please him, it feels dominating to me. Not in the same “in your face” way as much of the rest of what we do in the bedroom…but it definitely still makes me feel submissive. He said that totally made sense, and he appreciated hearing that perspective, he just hadn’t thought of it like that. I could tell he found the concept more titillating from this new perspective, too. 

I realized that while our overall power exchange involves a lot of discussion, our power exchange in the bedroom is usually rather cut and dry. He tells me what to do, and I do it. Or he will just physically take charge and do as he wishes without speaking (always within my limits, of course). So usually, our sexual power exchange is very blunt and direct with him clearly 100% in charge and calling the shots, there isn’t much gray area. There isn’t much ‘if you can’ or ‘if you want to’ or similar. We tend to prefer discussing sexual preferences in discussions outside of when we’re experiencing them, so that during sex or play he can just give instructions/orders/demands or physically does what he wishes without discussion or gray area. 

Outside of the bedroom we have lots of discussions that involve negotiating in the moment, or input from both of us, or more “if you can” type instructions rather than black and white orders. We just aren’t as used to that kind of ‘gray’ D/s happening in the bedroom. 

—

I tried to apologize to him for getting anxious about it. He said being anxious isn’t something to be sorry for. He started to say he did wish I would have said something - but he stopped himself, saying I actually did try to say something, he just didn’t understand that I was serious. None of it mattered anymore, we had worked through it and our emotional intimacy was completely restored already. 

“You might have a hard time with it at first, but I bet it time you’ll randomly find that you’re able to do it one day without laughing…and you’ll see how happy it makes me, and then it’ll be easier for you after that.”

I laughed in my overwhelmed-with-facing-the-truth way. 

@sccwriting @sccwriting