this time last year, i was on the inpatient unit at the hospital. i know i know i have come so far but these body memories keep me trapped, make me feel like i’m living it all over again. i wake up every morning thinking i don’t want the feed maybe i’ll get lucky and they’ll hook me up last maybe it’ll be smaller today maybe i can convince them to slow the rate maybe maybe maybe— but it’s not happening. it’s 2023. i’m safe at home. but this lives in me. and i can’t forget how it felt to wake up to those fears every morning for weeks. i can’t forget this chapter in my story. i wish it was never written.
