New essay on Recenter Press. Looked at anger as a response to grief, and my process of unlearning toxic communications of it, while also validating the experiences that caused it.
Anger is a twisting, mangled root, and working through it involves breaking the soil to trace it to the stem. I want to break my family’s cyclical fury. I want to validate myself in a way I have been searching for my whole life — in a hoped for apology in my mother, in the safety I create with my friends. I want to forgive myself for the ways I have taken out a hurt too big for me to understand — both on myself and others — and to do better. I want expressing my hurt to leave me feeling well-articulated and clear-headed, not ashamed. I want to grant myself permission to move forward. I want to keep writing myself into understanding; my fingers deep in thick soil, my anger an uprooted thing drying out on the dirt, shriveling in the clarifying Southern Californian sunlight.