reblog this if you're ok with spam boops i'm about to be such an overachiever

you bet i am

Thank you for booping me. Each one feels different and luxurious. Some feel like a furtive sip of lavender tea with honey on a cold night. Some feel like a millipede curling around my neck. Some feel like the crisp thwack of a rolled-up newspaper. And each one makes me stronger.

yeah your girl booped me. idk man you'll have to talk to her about it

duuude you have GOT to get online everybody is just fucking hitting each other

love "et cetera" like... theres soooo much more. beyond your wildest imaginations. Not gonna tell u what tho. Move on

fleeting feelings

guy tries to toss a cigarette on the ground but the ground parries it and it flies back into his mouth and he solemnly continues to smoke it

me: chat what do we think

the angel and devil on my shoulders: can you not call us that please

my god you're fucked: the lady at the help desk just went to ask someone else for help with your issue and everyone's got a confused look on

i say "godspeed, soldier" way too much for someone who puts their faith in neither god nor the military

having a permanent full time job is you thinking to yourself “so this is really the rest of my life huh” as you come home every single day before using your 4 hours of recreational activity to do nothing and then going to bed

It’s so fun that for the low, low price of 5.99 a month I can watch a man’s soul die in real time.