hey so two people in a row on my dash just commented that trying to open the new communities popup on tumblr mobile(?) brings up major flashing lights, so please please PLEASE take caution doing so. i don't like asking people to reblog stuff but please reblog this or make your own post about this to tell people about this because this could seriously hurt someone

source

simon riley would be running around the house and playing airplane with his daughter perched on his shoulders and then get distracted, probably by your pretty voice coming from another room asking for his help. he comes to your aid, as always, but ends up so fixated on finding you that he forgets to duck through the doorway and your kiddo wounds up with a wall to the face, doorframe bonking her in the brow hard, the little thud echoing through the room.

you gasp, dropping everything you’ve got in your hands to join simon in cradling her with endless sympathy and ‘sorry’s, smoothing over the little red mark appearing quickly on her skin.

and, oh, he feels guilty. like, painfully so. this is worse than any war crimes he’s committed, by far.

he’ll break the geneva conventions a thousand times over before even daring to put a single scratch on his precious family.

but your little girl doesn’t cry, at all. not even for a second.

all giggles and smiles as she rubs her forehead and exclaims faux disappointment in her daddy, and simon takes so much pride in that. claiming he only raises tough girls, you included as he’s ruffling your hair. you kiss both their cheeks and hum in agreement, opting not to suggest that maybe she’s like this because the exact same thing has happened more times than you can count, to a t.

dungeon lord who makes your dream come true

The saga continues

I will never know peace till I see him absolutely doused in blood and looking like the sopping wet cat that he is

my coworker walked in on me pouring coffee and was like “why are you posed like a statue of Ganymede” and I did not have an answer for her

recreation:

this is simply how one prepares afternoon coffee idfk what to tell you

I was telling my German colleague about how my parents, who were living in Spain, kept having problems with eagles killing their chickens. 

Me: yeah, these eagles come down out of the mountains, they steal the chickens right out of the pen!

Frank: an eagle!? AN EAGLE DOES THIS!?

Me: yes, they have eagles over there, mad isn’t it?

Frank: AN EAGLE IS STEALING THE CHICKENS?

Me: errr, yeah, they’re predators you know?

Frank: THEY ARE PREDATORS?

Me: yeah, and they fly down and kill the chickens and fly off with them

Frank: THEY FLY… wait, hang on… Oh…. I see… Err… In German, Igel is.. Errr…

(long, long pause)…

AH! IN GERMAN, EIN IGEL IS A HEDGEHOG!

*opens tumblr*

*rummages around like I’m in the fridge*

*closes tumblr*

…*opens tumblr*

we’re passionate tonight about animal and plant products apparently. very good. very good.

Tactical reloading of things that don’t need tactical reloads

sorry, i had to.

Cass rn

if i had super speed im sure people would be like "how could you possibly have super speed" and i would be like "ok, ill prove it. name something you can get at a grocery store" and they would be like "hmmm okay. cheddar cheese" and then i would use my super speed to shave their head completely bald almost instantly. theyll never see it coming

I fuckin get it girl

no thoughts, just the absurd way the touden siblings pull items out of their clothes

windows home screen throwing out a rather intense scenario today

Watching Game Changer is a treat because sometimes it's a wacky silly game, like "Make Silly Noises", "Survivor" or "The Bachelor" and other times it's bizarre, complicated experiments that Sam came up with, like "Mind-bending Simon Says", "Bingo but it's multiple levels of people manipulating each other" and "A Memory Game that slowly descends into madness", with a couple episodes designed specifically to break the mind of Brennan Lee Mulligan.