Aanor ishiia zals

if i think about this too much i will sob my heart out

i hear a good lyric and start mentally holding up blorbos like im in the home depot paint aisle comparing swatches

ok you’re all welcome and loved here but u can’t. call it sculder

adulthood is like....I’m trying to get back into the concept of having hobbies

i am plagued by silly character loving thoughts

wait op is 15. I don't want to argue with them. [visibly scheduling a reblog] what day is op's birthday

been thinking a lot about anticipatory grief lately. i love you so much that i know losing you will devastate me. i haven't lost you yet but i already miss you. we still have time, but it won't be enough. i think about what i would say at your funeral, and say some of it to you now cause i need you to know how loved you are before you go. you will go where i cannot follow, but you will never really leave me. it won't make it hurt less but it is a part of healing somehow.

it's so wild that the best lyric in pop music history ("tell your boyfriend / if he says he's got beef / that I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fuckin scared of him") and the worst lyric in history ("do the hellen keller and talk with yo hips") are both from the same song ("DONTTRUSTME" by 3OH!3). just. crazy how that works

Neil Banged out his tunes today, on a train you have the comfort and relaxation to bang out your own tunes

No

HAPPY 18 BIRTHDAY NEIL!!

All grown up :')

On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.

I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.

It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.

I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.

My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.

Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.

It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".

Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.

Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.

It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.

now what i really love about bad blood (besides everything else about bad blood) is how EXPRESSIVE scully is when we see her in mulder-vision. maybe because they're so in tune, maybe because he's a phenomenal profiler, maybe because he loves her. he just sees through all of the guards she puts up so easily

like this is what he sees whenever shes not chewing him out

and they were coworkers (oh my god they were coworkers)