I feel conflicted. A friend came to me telling me how their boyfriend had done something deeply inconsiderate and emotionally immature, and that it was a pattern. As she told me this, it just became clear to me what advice I should give, and I suggested that she may have outgrown him. She agreed, and said she was going to end things with him. I feel like I only told her what she already knew, but it still feels uneasy, helping to end a 3 year relationship. Should I feel guilt?
No, not at all.
The sunk cost fallacy keeps people in so many unhealthy relationships. Like, "I can't just throw away this relationship, it's been 3 years!" is a common justification for staying in an unhappy relationship.
We need to normalise and encourage leaving. If the people within a relationship are not making each other happy and fulfilling their needs then why should they be together? For the sake of not being single?
Relationships take work, this is true, but if you're the only one putting it in or if there is more work than play just to keri it stable then it is just unpaid labour.
You did your friend a solid by being honest with your views and giving them the space to decide for themselves. You sound like a good friend.
This ^^^
A lot of the time when people in that situation present information this way, what they’re really saying is, “I think this is a bad situation and I need to get out. Can I rely on you for support?” They’re testing the water to see whether you’re on their side, or their soon-to-be ex’s. Being told to keep trying in what they already know to be a lost cause is the last thing they want to hear at that point.
Anon isn’t helping to end a relationship -- the relationship is already essentially over. What they’re doing is helping their friend feel safe whilst doing what they have to.
Also what these lovely humans above said.