if u ever find a genie and you’re really craving a dessert that looks like this:

do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”

while this is, in fact, the name of the pastry, it’s ALSO the name of a species of wasp for some reason. the genie, being a nasty trickster, will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps.

this is an oddly specific post are you ok

A dose of Noldorin sass.

A Tolkien Jingle Bells.

[Verse 1]

Dashing through the sand

Setting all the ships alight

Dear gods all that wood

Really burns quite bright

Fingolfin’s screaming now

Feanor is a fraud

Hold up we’re one short

Where the hell is that Amrod?

[Chorus]

Jingle bells, corpses smell,

Feanor you’re a dick

Fin’s your bro

He didn’t say no

You could’ve sent back a ship!

Jingle bells, corpses smell,

Feanor you’re a dick

Fin’s your bro

He didn’t say no

You could’ve sent back a ship!

[Verse 2]

An Age or five ago

The gods invented war

And then the Noldorin

Waged war on old Melkor

The Men were poor and weak

To die just seemed their lot

Immortality they would seek

And the Valar got upsot

[Chorus]

Jingle bells, corpses smell,

Feanor you’re a dick

Fin’s your bro

He didn’t say no

You could’ve sent back a ship!

Jingle bells, corpses smell,

Feanor you’re a dick

Fin’s your bro

He didn’t say no

You could’ve sent back a ship!

[Verse 3]

An Age or two ago

The story I must tell

With blood the altars flow

And Númenor it fell

Isildur sailed away

On Sauron declared war

He didn’t toss the Ring away

Now Frodo’s in Mordor.

[Chorus]

Jingle bells, corpses smell,

Feanor you’re a dick

Fin’s your bro

He didn’t say no

You could’ve sent back a ship!

Jingle bells, corpses smell,

Feanor you’re a dick

Fin’s your bro

He didn’t say no

You could’ve sent back a ship!

[Verse 4]

Now the ground is red

Everyone died young

Can’t hide out in your bed

Or else you’ll be a song

Just get a decent horse

Or better yet a ship

Run away from the armed force

And make sure you don’t trip.

[Chorus]

Jingle bells, corpses smell,

Feanor you’re a dick

Fin’s your bro

He didn’t say no

You could’ve sent back a ship!

Jingle bells, corpses smell,

Feanor you’re a dick

Fin’s your bro

He didn’t say no

You could’ve sent back a ship!

————————————-

Verse 1, Chorus from here. Merry Christmas you lot.

reblog if you're gay, not gay, slightly gay, or if you just want to launch donald trump into a dying star

I tried to clock out of work and this is all the computer did.

Don’t leave

Happy New Year!

usa gets silver:

russia gets silver:

chinese get silver:

british get bronze:

actually, it’s been psychologically proven that bronze winners are happier than silver winners! silver winners see themselves as being “so close” to gold, while bronze winners are just happy they won a medal. so any silver medalist isn’t as happy as a bronze medalist!

Canada gets silver:

ok but it’s canada

Reblog if you're a Rammstein fan I want to follow you!!!!!

ohne-dich:

I know people probably think this is a touching moment, but Till is just talking about how he doesn’t understand why he can’t piss in public on a tree or something in the US. 

New Zealand’s new water safety mascot is amazing and his instagram is a gift

@unrepentantwarriorpriest

You weren’t supposed to post pictures of me my love, lol.

STOP MAKING BAD DECISIONS AT 3AM

JUST GO TO BED

shut the fuck up bitch

oh wait this is my post

Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 

this is the funniest thing i have ever read